Help with 12y eating and adhd

[anuama4]

hey my 12 y son was diagnosed with inattentive adhd. Every day at dinner we struggle with food. He just wants to eat specific food. Nothing green on his plate. He has braces and cannot chew with mouth closed. He frequent gets up for dinner table to drink water. He dislikes most foods. He negotiates what’s cooked and laid on table. He sits awkwardly in the seat. He has no problem eating store bought or processed food. Every day there is an argument. My partner instinctively thinks he is a better parent and keeps on reminding him through out the 20 min we have dinner together. For others on the table it feels we are on a running train soon to be derailed I tried to speak to my partner not to give so many instructions to my son. He only gets defensive. The dynamics are so bad I am unable to handle my son’s behavior. When I am not at dinner table every thing goes smooth as per my partner. Is this seen in adhd. Does he have a concomitant eating disorder ?

[BLC89]

Hello anuama4,It sounds like you son is acting like many 12 year olds- ADHD or not. With ADHD there can be texture sensitivity and that can definitely translate to foods and not eating particular textures.

And your kid has braces so they have to clean food out of those - an extra chore depending on the food.

If you want them to have more variety maybe a smoothie can help. Find a flavor they like and add protien, greens, etc. Make a deal that they can eat what they like after finishing the shake. The shake has to taste good though, you won't get them to drink sludge no matter the trade.

You could explain to your partner you want meal time to be a pleasant family experience and ask if they will refrain from critiquing or directing during dinner.

It isn't helping your kid and I'm guessing your kid hates dinner time and that is why they sit awkwardly at the table, they know they are about to be attacked and or criticized and no one likes that.

Make trades - you can have chicken nuggets after you eat the salad, something like that.

As best you can try not to engage in arguments just state the facts.

Give them choices like Potatoes or peas, or salad or Broccoli. Rather than free reign on the menu, you are the parent, you present the choices.

Or give them a dinner a week where they can have what they want. When you present choices they have a sense of control.

If they feel like they don't have any control they will fight.

I hope that helps. Good luck,

BLC89

[anuama4 in reply to BLC89]

Thank you so much. I like the way to handled it. It makes me feel better.

[Onthemove1971]

Welcomed to the group! We are excited you have joined us. Maybe you could invite your son to plan meals that focus on what he likes.

We eat very different from our son,.we are at the same table but rarely eat the same meal. When we do we encourage our son to make his own plate. So tonight we are eating tacos with ground turkey. He will put whatever he wants on his tacos.

Other nights most of his food is pasta with some type of protein.

Honestly if it is a meal he doesn't like it is torture, I have tried including him.

Also we talk about fun things at dinner, upcoming vacations, funny things from our day or things in the news.

I like you worried our son has some type of eating issues but now that he is 17 years old he eats way better.

I hope you can find a way to make it happier for everyone.

[Sabrousal]

What about a water pik for the braces, messy but it works. You're doing a great job, Mom!

[anuama4 in reply to Sabrousal]

Thank you.

[simplething]

Hello, I feel your pain. My son is also 12 and refuses foods too. I have noticed the palate expanding but still not much on the veggie/ fruit side. Interestingly, he will agree to baby applesauce packs of apple, broccoli, pears and carrots at each meal. Fighting and pushing him to eat is a harder on the parent relationship and your son is fully aware of how it affects you. At 12 he is starting to use this as a control issue.

My son was initially diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder at 2 when I noticed he was still toe walking. After therapy they did let me know that this often shoes up in texture problems with eating. Namely the grittiness of veggies.

[Aspen797]

Our son is picky too. I’ve gotten great ideas from what has already been posted! We are going to try the smoothie idea to incorporate more veggies.

Just a thought, a cooking class might be eye opening for your son and encourage him to try new foods. We enrolled our son in a one week class and it turned out to be filled with all teen boys! Very telling. He didn’t eat everything they made, but it was low stress, with kids, and he discovered some things he could make that he liked.

[edignazio]

We've experienced very similar issues around food and eating. Last year our 13 year old (12 at the time) was diagnosed with an eating disorder called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

[Redpanda5]

Did this eating behavior exist before he had braces?

Honestly, I think it’s worth checking him out for an eating disorder if for nothing more than peace of mind. They could even pass you to a nutritionist who generally have a wealth of strategies to help. I say, don’t suffer alone.

This is coming from a mother who had a daughter develop anorexia nervosa while on a stimulant and was later diagnosed with ARFID and only eats carbs.

You know the best thing to do. Just trust your instincts.

[anuama4]

Thanks everyone