I hope I am not alone...

[NDsmom23]

Hi all! SO, my youngest child is undergoing evaluation for ADHD and in the process, I believe I have it as well and will be seeing a psychiatrist to explore it further. With that background information, here is what I am struggling with:

My son, age 5, needs CONSTANT stimulation. In the event that he is still, he needs to be touching, stroking, hitting, tickling me. In the car, he needs to be kicking the back of my seat, playing with the window, knocking the glass etc. He is forever drawing, writing, and even carving on walls and furniture. He cuts and tears things up- clothes, his toys, furniture. I have bought scissor activity books and tried redirecting... it has proven futile. He loves to ride his bike, and even then, he is looking to push the limit: hits every curb and pot hole on purpose, engages in dangerous behavior etc. He reacts with aggression, hitting, punching, kicking, throwing towards his siblings and peers. He constantly antagonizes his siblings. Please understand, he has an abundance of positive traits and ways he stimulates himself too, it is not all destructive. He can be incredibly sensitive and empathetic and caring, but those things are not the issue I am reaching out for. The issue is at present, the enormous toll that the negative behavior is taking on me. I lack support, and that alone causes its own stress. Then I have my child who I love and who is "my little sweetie" being so aggressive and destructive. Even his need for loving physical contact leaves me feeling touched out, because it is CONSTANT. Like, I will go to use the toilet and he will try to sit on my lap and hug and kiss me etc. It feels like too much for me. And, I now feel much of this overwhelm I feel is due to ADHD of my own. I have OVERstimulation and cannot focus and have a bazillion thoughts and feelings at once. So when my child flips out every three minutes, I find myself also flipping out- despite how much I desperately want to be calm and gentle. I can get organized on paper (how many hours I have spent consumed with charts and planners), but can never mentally get organized and can certainly never execute my plans. I have had trouble keeping work my whole life over it, and I feel hopeless. I feel sad to think that he is feeling how I felt as a child: overwhelmed with SO MANY FEELINGS. How can I help a child with struggles that I myself have never managed to navigate?

[Willowbee37]

This is VERY common with ADHD and a lot of parents go to get evaluated when the kid does as well. Medication will help. It will stop you both from that anxiety and overstimulation from bouncing off eachother and essentially making it harder for both of you. My 9yr old has severe ADHD and when he was unmedicated it would trigger my anxiety horribly! Once we found the right meds and things calmed down everyone felt better. I cannot stress how important exercise is as well! Even just a quick “Walking like you’re late” can really help regulate things! Ultimately, it’s probably going to be finding the right meds for the both of you to see a big change. When my son was diagnosed my husband went and got back on meds as well. He was on them when he was younger and seeing the change in our son on meds prompted him to want to get back on them. When he did, he was like whhhhhhat was I thinking going without for that long.

[ArleneyAtHome]

Hi NDsmom23,

Sorry to hear all this but as a mother of 5 sons i have to say i have been there & ki d of still am with my youngest who is 20yrs old now , is still alot of hard work an stress all the same except we are older . I find the same situation alot these days and no one tends to think about the mother & her similar problems . I found a company that worked an ran outwith the social services which Ment they did not put any of us ion the risk list, because nowadays it is scary to think you mite lose your child for something not even your fault as a parent. This went on my whole sons life & course my own i did not want to contact anyone about this or about my problems but i had to & glad i did the company i used were includem

includem.org/what-we-do/

Its worth looking up some similar company's like these who really can help both of you , good luck 😀

Arleney@home

[Klmamma]

I don't have ADHD and these things got to me as well. I'd get him into OT as soon a possible for sensory issues. It helped IMMENSLEY at that age with all of these sensory seeking behaviors. After 18 months we were left with the core ADHD symptoms like lack of focus and impulse control. Five was a particularly bad age at our house and seems to be for most kiddos. After OT, I'd look into CBT for more skills therapy. Also, don't be scared to try medication. It's life altering and sadly you're not medicating your kid just for their sake, but the entire family benefits from it. All of these behaviors would stop on the right medication. We've had success with guanfacine and focalin. Look into medication for yourself too bc in our household, all the ADHDers had to be medicated for the therapy and meds to truly work bc they just kept feeding off of each other.

I promise it gets better with treatment and age. My son is almost 11 and aside from still being hyper in the mornings and having a few small tics, he's doing wonderful. He has tons of friends, is getting all As in school, does wrestling, etc. It does get better!

[anirush]

My 17 year old grandson had a lot of theses issues too. When we would go to the store he'd have to constantly have his hand touching me. He still does it when we are out once in awhile.Medication helps. So does counseling.

[Mommy2002]

Hello,

I just wanted to reach out and let you know you are not alone and to seek help for your son as well as yourself as soon as possible. I always thought something was not right with my oldest, she was a bit sensitive and would cry often and always wanted some one around her always. When had her sister 2 years and 6 months later, she always said we loved her sister more and she drew a lot and and she drew a picture of her being on the outside and everyone in the family surrounding her sister. I had looked into a group that provided therapy for kids when she was elementary school age, but they didn’t take my insurance. Another problem that I was dealing with was the fact that both my girls had asthma and I was in and out of hospitals , doctors appointments, allergy shots with both since infancy with 2 specialist. I also had to work full time and j had to rely on my husbands dad , who was old and didn’t in their needs, especially their health issues. I was stressed often and was going through things at my job after I had a work injury and my health declined due to so much stress. I did get her counseling in middle school, and I juggled appointments with myself and my kids on my days off, but they dropped my insurance . I tried seeking help in her senior year in high school, but they didn’t put her on a 504 and then the pandemic happened, it actually was a blessing for her because she was failing her classses , she was worried lot about getting sick because of her asthma and that staying home there was less stress for her and she was able to improve and get her grades back up , but my youngest daughter suffered with online studies and her grades dropped some. I was essential, so I had to work. I believe that therapy helps and being around people who are dealing with the same thing will provide you with some support. If you can find something that he really enjoys doing. Get him involved in that , or find camps near you that you can take him to. It is harder finding support when they get older, I’m currently finding that out now. But , I’m not giving up although it is very frustrating. My mood is up and down and I get overwhelmed a lot. I get depressed because I feel it’s my fault for all the things my kids are going through, the asthma, anxiety, depression and other issues, seem to be passed down to them. I was able to find a good church and that has helped me throughout my life. I recently joined a support group for Mothers and hearing about other people who are experiencing the same thing really helps me to know that I am not alone. I don’t have a lot of close friends or family members. Please take care of yourself as well. I hope this helps you to know you are not alone.

[Formyson8]

My situation was exactly like yours. Now bothof is our on meds. It took a while to find the right meds and dose. His negative behavior has been cut by 75 to 80%. However he is always on the go. Always needs to be doing something. I don’t know if that will ever change, but right now things are manageable.