How to handle a five year old that is displaying adhd and an explosive behavior. He punches, beats on doors, repeats himself, fails to listen , jumps all over the furniture, throws extreme tantrums, etc. Even though he knows that it's not acceptable. Help!
Out of control 5 year old: How to... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Is he on meds?
How do you respond to his tantrums? Three great books to look for at your library... the whole-brain child , No-drama discipline.. both by Dr. Dan Siegel and the Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I would also suggest talking to your pediatrician.
I read The Explosive Child, and it has great ideas for getting to the root of some issues.
I think The important think to remember that anger is a feeling and it is ok to be angry. When I child is in the middle of an explosion, they are not hearing anything. Waiting for that to end and talking to them when they are calm is huge. Plus, reducing the use of electronics and more exercise I have found works with my 15 year-old. I still take away his PlayStation during the school week. It has become a habit. And I have always had him involved in sports. They do figure it out from coaches how to control their emotions too. I always say to my husband that anger+anger-=more anger ... trying to keep your voice calm and modeling that helps. I know it isn’t easy though... good luck. That is why I have found books like the whole brain child helpful. It makes you realize they are still developing and haven’t reached being able to process anger, frustration yet.
I have a 5yr old boy who we suspect has ADHD, awaiting the next eval. We had this extreme behaviorist aged 4yrs and I just couldn’t get through to him, he was so defiant and challenged everything. I read up and found information in collaborative parenting and basically backed off trying to discipline him and used visual rule / behavior charts. Also used a reward chart for encouraging good behaviors. It took time but it worked, had to get him to think he was in charge and I wasn’t telling him what to do. I came to the conclusion that he has to understand I am on his side and so had to ignore a lot of the bad behavior because actually these kids can’t help acting out. They need tools to self regulate and lots and lots of love. We also statrted him in OT and speech/social groups, karate and it had made a world of difference.
Check out thinkkids.org
That is my life starting from my son being around 15 months. Extreme tantrums. Yelling, screaming, biting, hitting. I finally decided to put him on meds at 5 due to him saying he wanted to kill himself. He is now 6. Start with a neuropsychological and go from there. Good luck!
I suggest reading up on different methods of parenting a child with ADHD. We found that charts would work for an extended amount of time with our daughter. There are so many techniques or ideas so finding the right combination can be challenging and take time. Also reaching out to a specialist and mentioning your concerns and situations can be useful.
I cannot say that medication will help. My daughter still has tantrums even though she is on a medication. It actually seemed like they got worse at the start of medication which was very frustrating. They have since resolved to a certain extent, but still occur. I wish there was a simple solution, but there is not.
Read all you can and be ready to keep trying something new.
My 5 year old son is the same way. He’s on Prozac for anxiety, Risperdol for mood stabilization, and Guanfacine for compulsive behavior. We’re still working on finding the right combination that will help him be able to stop and process his feelings and how he reacts. So much about the hitting/kicking/etc is really not within their control, so punishing them don’t bring many good results because they aren’t choosing to misbehave.
I love that you said punishing them doesn't work and that they aren't choosing to misbehave. I've realized this when my child's behaviors started to become extreme but it took a while to sink in.
Now, even though I know this, I feel so self conscious that others will think that I am being permissive. It feels so lonely sometimes. I feel like I can't tell others what I am going through because they say "I wouldn't allow my child to do that."
Even when I'm home alone with my child and I am doing so good at being patient and understanding I tell myself "if anyone saw this they would think you were a terrible parent."
Reading your post made me feel like I'm not alone. I joined this group to be around other people who get it, that kids with ADHD are different. That you can't parent them the "typical" way.
What triggers it? Is he raging and emotional or just defiant?