Frustrated and confused

[Aimee1422]

I would like to take this opportunity to vent and find out if other parents experience this. My 10 yo son has ADHD, ASD, and anxiety. When I say I am done with the school system, that is an understatement.He is in a small setting (reduced class size) but for the life of me I cannot understand how the teacher and co-teacher are so clueless to the needs of children in a Comprehensive Special Education environment. It is only 9 kids, yes each have what I am guessing are some form of intellectual disability, but geesh. During the school year my son has been bullied by a classmate including being physically attacked, told he would go to hell if broke some pinky promise, had his belongings stolen, was isolated from activities. Of course I filed a formal complaint and the teacher(s) are making comments to my son about it to the effect of saying he is a bully!

Then, they talk about how he cannot focus, makes noises and hums, gets on the floor, etc. Really!?! Read his IEP for goodness sake. He is supposed to have a dedicated aide, he doesn't. He is supposed to get frequent movement breaks, he doesn't. Then you punish him nearly everyday by taking his recess and wonder why "he has problems mostly in the afternoon".

Why can't kids with intellectual disabilities get the things they need? Special Education is lacking in so many ways and has been for far too long.

[Daisymariejk]

Hi Aimee - First of all, I am very sorry to hear that your son is experiencing this type of disrespect. It is not acceptable. While your child is in this current environment, I recommend you continue to calmly set up meetings, and it sounds like it’s time to include the principal. Pull out all of your documentation, and have it handy in the meeting. Explain that your child has a legal right to the accommodations and that as his parent, you will continue to advocate as necessary to ensure he is safe and supported. Indicate that you want to have a good relationship with them, and that you are more than happy to help them by providing additional context, or communicating more regularly.The key here is to stay calm and in control. It’s hard but makes a big difference. Send follow up emails after every meeting and copy the principal. I hope this helps. Never stop advocating because your child will see you advocating and feel protected and will ultimately learn how to advocate for themselves. It’s a journey, but it can be a beautiful one. My child is in college, and while we continue to see him his experience challenges, every step is part of the process of their unique path. No one child is the same.

[Aimee1422 in reply to Daisymariejk]

Thank you so much for the reassurance. It definitely is a long journey but well worth it. I have involved the principal and Special Education Chair. You are so right about the uniqueness of each path. Best of luck to you and your son as he continues his journey 😊

[RelaxingDays]

I am very sorry that your family is going through this. First of all sounds like you're on top of things already but sometimes a little extra help makes a big difference. Definitely try to keep your calm (very difficult, I know) and principal should be involved for sure. A few other suggestions to consider: reach out to head of special education in school dept to get them involved; get help from special ed advocate group if your area has one (may be federal requirement but not sure); talk with your child's doctor/therapist/counselor and they may be able to help or point you in right direction; if you're up to considering it research other schools that may specialize in kids with special needs (public schools don't like to lose funding for your child if they switch to a specialized school unless it's absolutely necessary). Hope this helps and good luck with everything.

[Aimee1422 in reply to RelaxingDays]

Thank you so much. I am thankfully able to keep my composure but you are spot on about the difficulty in doing so. I will engage his therapist for support. That is a great idea.

[Adhdmomof2]

I agree! I’m always surprised by how so many educators are truly clueless when it comes to neurodivergence. You would think special Ed staff would be trained properly and well versed in these conditions and how they present considering how common they are and bc they work in special Ed! We’ve even had some pretty shocking conversations with the “social emotional learning” experts / social workers at our kids’ school where we have had to clue them in that emotional dysregulation is related to ADHD. I agree with the other replies too - definitely keep fighting for whatever your child should be getting that the school is withholding. I used to be afraid to rock the boat but I had to give up on that early on!

[Pinegirl141]

Hi Aimee -- What an incredibly frustrating situation, and I feel for you. I don't know where you live, but in California, if you go to CA.gov and type in "education advocate," there is a list of low or no-cost education advocates who go to bat for kids with their schools to get their accommodations addressed. From what I understand, they will attend the school meetings with you, too. There are also private education advocates, with varying costs, I'm assuming. I'm just starting the exploration of finding an advocate for my child. You could check with your state services if you're not in CA, or just google "education advocate."

I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there!