Feeling a little bit persecuted

[Ragdoll12]

Hi there, my almost six year old is in Kindergarten and was just diagnosed with combination type ADHD. To give you a background: My son hates school and I sometimes get reports of him hitting or grabbing other kids (though he isn’t aggressive at home). We are constantly reinterating that it is not acceptable to hit or touch someone in anger and we are attempting to get him into see a counselor of some kind to help him with his issues. This week we submitted a letter to the school from his doctor that informs them of his diagnosis. They have been doing there own kind of evaluation process there at school as well, but it is on going

Anyway, the special education teacher that works with him said that the principal witnessed my son messing with his chair during independent reading time and he was refusing to read, saying that he couldn’t read. Apparently she felt that him not sitting on the chair and playing with it was some sort of alarming and dangerous sign of delinquency. I was told that she said something to the effect that, “we need to keep an eye on this kid for everyone’s safety”. Now from what I heard, he wasn’t lifting the chair up high or attempting to throw or otherwise touch another child, he just wasn’t sitting down and quietly reading by himself (which is not a surprise or frankly should come at a surprise to them either, but I digress). To me it is obvious that he is struggling with reading and needs support with that rather than being told to just sit quietly and figure it out. I am working with him on his reading at too by the way.

Anyway, after being told this by the special education teacher I am feeling like this kind of reaction was a bit of an overreaction by the principal. I am wondering if she has decided to brand him as a problem child.

While I do agree that my son needs help with his ADHD and aggression (frustration based) issues, and we are in the process of addressing them, in general, I feel like the school has overly high expectations for academic and behavioral performance.

Any advice? Please be kind.

[Ragdoll12]

Please excuse my grammar, I’m pretty upset and flustered at the moment.

[sunlight7]

What type of school? Public or private? Either way I would contact the superintendent. It sounds like the comment is inappropriate and the principal needs to be reminded that she could have gone over to help him with his work

[Ragdoll12 in reply to sunlight7]

It’s a public school. The principal has always had a weird attitude when I’ve encountered her so I’m not entirely surprised. I wish I could have heard what she said word for word, I only got it second hand from that teacher. He’s a nice guy, but incredibly indirect and I always have to parse out the meaning from his soliloquies.

[Momof4blessings]

Wow. I'm so sorry. How unprofessional of her. Yes, ADHD is so little understood by most people, and that misunderstanding is often present at school. My advice -- first, get him an IEP. He may need to do his reading standing up, or in a quiet corner of the room, not sitting. If this tactic helps him focus, then it would be written in his IEP and the school would have to follow it, including the principal. An IEP is a legal document. Second, everyone who works with him, everyone who is part of his IEP team, is truly "his team." They are on this educational road to help him succeed. If a member of his team is not supportive, you could definitely bring this up in an IEP meeting. Be respectful, but say the truth to the principal. If she apologizes and makes changes to her attitude, great! But if not, you might want to consider changing schools. You don't want him being coached through school by a team that doesn't truly support him. I've seen some parents stick with a rotten team for years at the same school, and it's heartbreaking. Their child gets labled "the difficult kid" and I believe it holds back that child's progress and feelings of self worth. So anyway, that's my advice in a nutshell! Hang in there, girl! You're doing a great job.

[Ragdoll12 in reply to Momof4blessings]

Thank you for your well thought out advice. I truly appreciate it and will be looking into the legal aspect. I think I may need to request a meeting with his “team” at school to see where they are in the process and specifically bring up the quiet independent reading time. I like your idea of asking them to allow him to have modifications during that time.

[Momof4blessings in reply to Ragdoll12]

Good luck to you both!!

[Momof4blessings]

Oh -- one more thing. You said you're going through the process at school for evaluations, and that's taking a while. I encourage you to look up your rights online -- writeslaw.com. by federal law, the school must move at a certain pace. Yes, it takes a while, but many times school personnel count on the fact that us parents don't know the law. For instance, I put in a written request for my son to have a speech evaluation. By federal law, the school district must respond to me within 15 days. At 14 days, I had heard nothing. I called and asked what was going on. They said they were "backed up, behind...it would be a while." No, ma'am!! I called my mother, who is a government authorized representative of federally funded programs, such as special education, and she helped act as my advocate. She takes whole school districts to court all the time, to make them follow federal laws. Anyways -- know your rights and force them to do what the law says! If you can afford an advocate, it's a great idea.

[anirush]

I have had problems with a vice principal in the past in my grandson's grade school. Sometimes they label them because they're ADHD and just expect problems from them in every aspect.

I agree with you recommendation to put your request in writing. My school has responded immediately when I've done something like that. If they don't then report them to the school board

[katejames]

I would have the same misgivings you are feeling. It doesn't sound like the "team" is really supportive and they need to be help accountable and be educators and not behavioral judges. One thing I would stress in the meeting is that the classmates are smart and observant - if they get the feeling administration or teachers think that your child is "difficult" or a "problem kid" then that is exactly how they will treat him. I've been there - am switching schools now. My son is on a good med that works now but he was labeled early on and has never been accepted by the boys in his class after that. Kids can be cruel but these adults/administrators set the tone.

[Ragdoll12]

I wrote an email last Friday to his homeroom teacher about how from my perception of the “chair incident” that the principal seemed to have overreacted and I also voiced my concerns about him being negatively labeled. it is now Sunday afternoon and I still haven’t heard back from her. I am thinking she might be waiting till Monday so she can speak to principal and present a united front or something...

I’ve heard the word “advocate” being used a lot lately and I’m wondering how to go about getting one for my son. I was told that this school district was excellent for special needs kids, but I’m not so sure now.