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[Oldermomof2]

At the point of just needing to connect with other parents about ADHD and kids. I always thought my son was just super active but now, at 11, he's struggling so much in school that we're trying to get him tested. Have a spouse that's not as open to the idea and it's a bit of a challenge to help my son but also respect his dad's wishes.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Also, struggling with my son having a hard time at school and struggling to make friends because he's so active. Thankfully he does have some friends in our neighborhood and some younger friends at school but it's heartbreaking sometimes to hear what the kids tell him at school.

[thedarlingest]

Hey! I just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug. My situation is a teensy bit different but I still see the commonalities and I know the ache of being that mom.

Maybe it's fortunate that my daughter struggled in school earlier so I was able to get her tested when she was 8. But my husband was adamantly opposed and even accused me of "not stopping with this stuff until you have her on meds". And I'm the type of person that doesn't even take an ibuprofen/aspirin when I have a splitting headache. So yeah, I feel you on the husband thing. And I do feel that the adhd is from him--I am the main executive functioning body of our household and when you read his old report cards the teachers all say: "He needs to control his impulsivity". Not because I am looking to blame BUT I think there can be some resistance from the spouse that might recognize the signs but doesn't WANT to think it is anything more than just something they will grow out of.

Now, flash forward from the time we tested (and getting my husband to agree to have her tested was a process--at least 5-6 mos of slow convincing) to now, about 6 mos. Initially we were just pleased to have a fitting diagnosis and happy with how her school was handling it. Then in the last few months, she started saying things during her "nightly download" (when we are cuddling at bedtime) that she just didn't understand why everyone was finishing their math homework and she was still stuck on the first few problems, and other examples like that. It was affecting her self esteem, she already thought she was dumb, etc. So we talked to her pediatrician about trying a medication. It helped my husband to watch Andrew Huberman's podcast about ADHD medication.

Well, lo and behold, as freaked out as I was to have her try it, it has helped her get through her math homework, she writes a lot more (her teacher says she writes pages now and the content is much more focused/structured both in the content and the actual printing). And I don't get the negative comments from her during the nightly download. Because of the medication shortage we didn't have her take the medication over spring break and I quickly regretted it. The negativity at night came back with a vengeance. She was asking me if I loved her, if I wished she was a different kid. It was heartbreaking.

She's my only child, I had her later in life, I always wanted to be a mom--I can't describe the amount of love I have for her and exhibit to her, always hugging her, kissing her. But the negativity still arises, I think from anxiety rooted in ADHD. I don't know. But all this (rambling, sorry) to say that I understand your struggle and I know what it means to be a mom wanting the best for your kid and I also understand not being (initially) on the same page with your partner. Sending hugs and support! You know what you know and you know your child best.

[Oldermomof2 in reply to thedarlingest]

Thank you for your feedback it's amazing how they struggle through so many of the same things.