Feeling the stresses of parenting a child with ADHD

[Jewelrymom]

How do I learn to ignore my child when he gets so angry at me? I totally get why and that the ADHD interferes with his emotional control and ability to self regulate. He has become so irritable and it’s like a ticking time bomb that I have to tip toe around. And I am the parent who gets hit the hardest. He is in therapy as am I. He is on medication but we think the dosage should increase. I am on medication for anxiety. I love him beyond words but it’s like having a teenager and he’s only nine. I’ll take advice!!

[Akoara]

Sending words of support. Sounds like you’re doing a great job and it really is so hard. My son is 15. Between 9 and 13 was the worst with emotional regulation and his treatment of me. A lot of it was anxiety from his peer relationships and holding it together at school. Guanfacine was so helpful for his emotional regulation and for improved social and educational success. He is significantly better now in terms of his attitude at home. Not perfect but worlds apart. I was really at at a loss for what to do for so long and was burned out beyond belief.

Regarding how to ignore it. It’s so hard. I really had to work on that because I felt I couldn’t let it slide. I thought if I let it go he would be an explosive jerk forever. But I had to. My tips for how I survived: Constantly remind yourself that emotional regulation is a part of this package. Just keep reminding yourself he can’t help it. Keep up with the therapy. Lots and lots of support for yourself. Listening to podcasts about ADHD was my go to and helped remind me he was in a normal place for adhd and that patience and co-regulation on my part was key. Ignore most of it, stay firm when necessary, know that if he could do better he would do better. Look for moments of connection. Lots of praise. Don’t expect him to behave like neurotypical kids. (Which is so hard to remember). Ignoring really helps extinguish it. Remember it gets worse before it goes away. You’re not a bad mom because he’s a jerk to you or explodes. He won’t be like this forever. Maturity, support and the right medication helps a tonne. Be super gentle on yourself. Remember you’re doing a magnificent job and a good parent. Hope this helps a bit. It’s super duper hard.

[Jewelrymom in reply to Akoara]

Thank you so much for this thoughtful feedback! I’m going to look for some helpful podcasts and check in with his doctor regarding a med check. Not sure if that could make a bigger difference as he is also taking Guanfacine. I want nothing more in the world than to make his days easier!

Best regards!🙂

[WYMom]

I believe they have the right to their emotions but they do not have the right to abuse us with them. At 3 my daughter would be sent to her room to feel and she'd open the door to scream she hates me and then slam it. Over and over. So even having strong boundaries and enforcing them doesn't mean you won't get hit with their emotions. That happens and I don't take it personally. It better be rare though because I have a lot of tools I've given them and they better be using them. That said, they have ADHD. They are not good at learning boundaries and when emotional they don't think. So I help. I inform them they are allowed to feel in their room but they better not go in there and knock things around. If they go in and are disruptive still I make them work the emotions out. Stomping circles when they were younger. Jumping jacks when it's cold. Running the path the rest of the time. I do it with them. They may be running the path next to me making animal noises but around lap 2 sanity tends to return. Lap 3 makes me cry. Oh I'm not in running shape. Lol

Daughter doesn't scream she hates us anymore but I wish she would because now she gets depressed and says we hate her. Sometimes I just hold her and tell her I love her over and over. If she lets me.

Parenting is tough. Good luck!