Hello,
I’m here to learn more about young adults with ADHD. I have a daughter who received a late diagnosis for ADHD and I want to hear other parents’s journey with dealing with the diagnosis and what has helped their kids to understanding their ADHD and transition into adulthood.
I have an 18 year old grandson who decided he does not need meds and is having a hard time finding himself right now. Hoping time and maturity help eventually. It's a rough journey.
Hello Mommy2002
I feel you! We are in the midst of transitions with both kids and the transition from school kid to college student and beyond can be a challenge.
I recommend learning all you can about ADHD so you can better anticipate how things may go for your daughter and lend an understanding ear when she has challenges. If she if up for learning even better. Dr. Hallowell's latest book ADHD 2.0 available on Amazon, of course, is a great place to start. It has a ton of new brain science and a section on the difference in ADHD between males and females. It is an easy read and Dr Hallowell is one of the most positive ADHD experts out there.
The best gift your daughter can give herself is the learning about ADHD and learning how ADHD impacts her in particular. Everyone is different but there are generalities that help with understanding and are a great place to start.
If you have any specific questions don't hesitate to put them here. This is a great community and you will get lots of good feedback. Your daughter is also welcome if she wants to explore on her own.
BLC89
full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach and support parents, young adults and adults as they navigate the world with ADHD. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and have raised two kids with ADHD
Thank you, I’m trying to learn more about it. The frustration for me is having to tell her to do something over and over and she still doesn’t do it.
The other thing is finding support specifically for her age group that is in person instead of virtual.
Mommy2002,Yes, in person is a challenge. As best you can keep in mind her executive function skills are about 30% behind her age. If she is 18 years old her organization and prioritizing skills are more like a 12 year old - that's a huge difference.
If you can keep that in mind it makes it less frustrating for you. In our house I ask once or twice politely and treating them at their age. If it takes a third time we do it now (I gave the chance to choose when to do it) and I watch them every step of the way with a big smile on my face. Then I thank them earnestly for completing the task.
If/ when they complain about being treated like a little kid I explain that they get a couple of tries and then I step in as support to ensure it gets done. Sometimes just reminding them "if I have to ask again, I decide when and how it gets done" after a few instances they learn I will be there, smiling and supporting.
If you are mentally prepared for that type of follow thru then again your frustration is lessened be because you have a plan.
I hope that helps,
BLC89
Thanks for the advice,
There are times I feel like I’m dealing with someone younger because I have to tell her over and over to do something; then other times when I talk with her she seems so mature and wise beyond her years. I’ll try it that way and see if it helps, my husband tells me the same thing almost, but I’m here at home with her while he is at work and I get frustrated . It’s hard at times because I have health issues.
Mommy2002As best you can give yourself grace when you get frustrated. You're human, this is hard, there will be frustrations, that's life.
When it's OK to be frustrated things are less frustrating. If you think you "shouldn't" be frustrated you get even more frustrated - isn't that fun?
Talk to her, let her know you are doing your best and don't want to be frustrated but it will happen and it's no reflection on how you feel about her, it is the situation. You love her it's the situation that stinks.
Bask in the connected moments, those can help sustain your energy.
Hang in there,
BLC89
Hi, my daughter was diagnosed when she was 20 - she’s now 24. Something that’s been really helpful for us is the podcast called I Have ADHD by Kristen Carder. She focuses on adults with ADHD. Hope this helps!
Sometimes the best help is not so much tied to the diagnosis but more specifically to the problems that prompted seeking a diagnosis. Are there particular issues you are hoping to find resources to address?
Hello!
I’m looking for something that will help her go out and try and do something with her life. She has never worked and took a couple of classes in college, but didn’t complete them. She does not want to do anything with her life. She had finally gotten her license last December, but had an accident in the summer and had not driven since.
Oh that’s tough. Is she a bit anxious? When you are hit with several whammies in a row, it can be very defeating. Even more so when there is no clear path forward like there is in high school, where you know what is expected of you and what steps to take next.
A couple of of ideas. If she’s pretty anxious and socially avoidant, perhaps you could start getting her out with you volunteering. Church, habitat for humanity, animal humane are all good family volunteer opportunities that also allow, with a regular schedule, opportunity to feel that you are having a positive effect on the world. It can build confidence and get her references.
Another possibility is your state’s vocational rehabilitation. They can help her figure out what she is good at, what her limits are, and how to get her on her path, whether that’s community college, a trade, or a university program with accommodations. They can also help with driving and transportation issues.
All states also have an independent living resource center. Might be worth checking out your states to see what if any programs she could take advantage of. Find yours here: acl.gov/programs/centers-in...
Could she be on the spectrum too? Women are way, way less likely to demonstrate the stereotypical signs of autism and are extremely likely to get diagnosed later, as an adult. May totally not be the case, but for those who are, learning about it and meeting others who are can be life changing and empowering. Interesting read on this here: forbes.com/sites/biancabarr....
So glad you are here!
Hi!
I’m looking into every possible option I can find to help her succeed. Although she is not working or in school, she has volunteered at church working with young kids for about 8 years, many of them who actually appear to have similar issues as her and she is quite patient with them. She always trying to do things for them to help them when she is with them, but I can’t seem to get her to help herself. I have been taking her to this support group (14-22) for a few weeks now, but mostly are high school kids , the oldest besides herself is in 12th grade. The last week is this week and they will start back in January , I hope to find something for her age group, but it’s something until we find something else. She likes cooking and helps me with cooking. When I see something that might help, I take her with me . I started going to parent groups to help me try and figure it out. Thanks , I’m glad to be here to hear other parents journey
Does she have any interests or anything she has had success in? I’m wondering if using those as a “hook” to get her started doing something might help. Could you post a little more information about what led to her getting evaluated for possible ADHD and what type of professional diagnosed her? That might help us know additional thoughts and suggestions. Based on the limited information provided, it’s difficult to know if she is anxious, has unaddressed executive functioning weaknesses, is depressed, is on medication or not for ADHD, has possible social anxiety or social skills deficits, etc. Does she have black and white thinking that impedes her ability to keep trying if she makes a mistake? Does she have a trauma history she hasn’t disclosed or hasn’t been adequately treated? Etc.
Hi,
She does have anxiety issues and I had taken to get counseling in high school, but she never did any of the exercises that the counselor recommended and then they stop taking my insurance and we have not been back to a counselor since. I took her this summer to have a psychologist evaluation and he diagnose her with mild ADHD with anxiety and depression. She tried to take classes at a community college, and I thought she was doing ok because that is what she would tell me, but got an incomplete and has not been back to take any more classes. I’ve taken her to job fairs , but she doesn’t initiate any steps to call or fill out paperwork. There is no trauma history, but she has been asthmatic since infancy and during her younger years was in the hospital quite often until around middle school. Often times she would not take her meds and it was constant telling her and asking her to do that. We had schedules and charts for her and her sister who also had asthma tk check off. I recently bought two journals for her to write out a schedule of things she need tk work on and she hasn’t touched it.
Poor kid. Being hospitalized often is very difficult and can make kids feel different or isolated from their peers. It’s tough when someone won’t open up to a therapist. Sometimes I think it’s a trust issue and sometimes it’s their temperament—they don’t feel comfortable sharing private information like that. My only other thought is whether trying an antidepressant would maybe help her feel better enough in time to overcome her inertia. The sense of failure and negative self talk in ADHD and depression can be severe. I definitely don’t mean to suggest that an antidepressant would be a magic answer or fix everything. I only mean maybe it’s a possible option to consider. Sending hugs. Worrying about your child is so tough.
I have a weird question.
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