Hi everyone. I have been an onlooker in this forum for a good 2 years now and I have marveled at the communal spirit and willingness by everyone to both encourage and counsel one another. It is truly awesome to see. I have been reluctant to post here since my child is not clinically diagnosed with ADHD at this point and I absolutely will yield my concerns to parents/families here that truly have more pressing situations than mine. However, I finally worked up the nerve to simply state my concerns and perhaps see if I am walking down the right path. I have a 6 yr old son who I have since he was 3 just ‘felt’ that his behavior a bit more than the usual. I should start with the good though: he is a kind, sweet kid who has been in daycare (and now Kindergarten) since he was 4 months old and has always seemingly been well-liked by his classmates and teachers. He plays well with other kids and has never been a trouble-maker of any sort. And this is what makes it hard to put my finger on the ADHD label since our pediatrician says it should be present in two or more settings. In the daycare/school environment, he’s been just fine….at home is another story. I have spent a massive amount of time getting pretty educated on all the trappings of ADHD and I strongly feel that what I am seeing is in lock-step with a classic ADHD situation but I will state them here to hopefully get your thoughts. Here are some of the things that I see:
• Incredibly inattentive and distracted. Outside of something he loves, you have precious seconds to talk to him before he is moving onto something else. Eye contact is often not good (better with some than others) but it’s almost like his eyes are always scanning the room for something else. Makes for a very observant kid who remembers the most random things but ask him what you just said 5 seconds ago and you get a blank stare (working memory issues). I just don’t think he is able to take in information well enough, which cannot be a good thing as he progresses through school.
• Constantly fidgeting. I can be downright WRITHING at times. He can be sitting in a chair and his legs are always moving like a turtle on its back as he constantly grabs his foot/leg in some unconscious manner. He looks truly uncomfortable, as if it is a nervous system issue.
• Food struggles are a big thing. Very much a picky, anxious eater. Trying new things is always a problem and I have genuine concern for his protein intake. He would much rather drink a sugary drink and eat the carbs on his plate than eat his protein and veggies. He is an absolute mess at the dinner table. Jittery and unable to finish his food without getting up 15 times.
• Has a bit of an oral fixation still and will put things in his mouth all the time. You might find him with some random toy in his mouth and after telling him to stop, you’ll find him with his dirty hands in his mouth for no apparent reason.
• Very irritable and sensitive/moody. Still has his tantrums at home and will whine/complain/cry for everything. I stop short of saying he is ‘oppositional-defiant’ but he has always had a pretty uncooperative nature about him.
• Very impatient and has no real concept of time yet. The time-blindness and need to do SOMETHING at all times causes a lot of frustration for him.
• Often has what I call “breathless belligerence”, which is the breathless manner than he will talk at times. I have always felt he seems pretty foggy/confused and while his speech/diction is fine, he says a lot of confusing things; almost like the thoughts aren’t tying together well in his mind as he talks.
• Often staggers when he is standing. It seems like disorientation but doesn’t have balance issues to where he falls off of things. It’s at its worst when tired and looks very much like a drunk person. Constantly touching everything and leaning into everything when in that state
• Very shy kid around those he doesn’t know. He will almost always warm up to the situation but never one to initiate with others. He can often turn into a mute in public when introduced to others…
• …BUT in private, he is a massive chatterbox. Has no volume control and talks OVER people and even during play, he is always humming or making some random noises (vocal stimming?)
So those are some of the things that I see in my son, many that I just can’t reconcile as age-appropriate behavior. We are not in toddler phase anymore and I am well-aware of the executive functioning issues common with ADHD that cause for emotional intelligence delays. It honestly has caused a lot of issues in our household since only I observe and agonize over these things but my wife sees absolutely nothing out of the ordinary and just grins and bears his behavior. To me, it is clearly on the outside of normal and I want to be the smart Dad that recognized this early and intervened before it manifests into some truly BAD things. So far he’s doing fine in school but it’s only been 6 weeks and we will have our first parent-teacher conference in a couple of weeks. Anyhow, if you have read this all the way to this point, you are a saint and I would greatly appreciate any feedback you have. Thanks!
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Apologies in advance for my long post! I often am thinking and analyzing as I write. And of course, please do not hesitate to ignore my comments 😂. I am posting from the perspective of both a parent with years of lived experience of worry and frustration about my own child and some professional knowledge (definitely not an expert). Just hearing this, my first impression is: executive functioning weaknesses, maybe social skills weaknesses and either mildly restricted interests or difficulty mustering attention to and interest in topics that aren’t stimulating. I also wonder if he’s quite intelligent, savvy, and masking at school or has found a socially acceptable role (teacher’s helper? Etc) that allows him to feel useful, lets him avoid as many social situations that he’s unsure how to navigate, etc. I would guess he is using every ounce of mental & emotional strength he has to function appropriately at school. Then after school or on weekends, the veneer is gone because he’s either exhausted or he isn’t under the same pressure of social expectations to conform as at school. My recommendation would be to get him referred to an experienced child psychologist for a comprehensive evaluation including a diagnostic interview of you and other caregivers (eg your spouse if you’re married), teacher data questionnaires, and your child. And a low threshold for a diagnostic evaluation for autism based on the psychologist’s impressions. Same psychologist can do the autism evaluation. I sound like a broken record on this board, but your story is incredibly similar to ours. Our son was ultimately diagnosed with autism and ADHD after years of us struggling as parents while being told by 8-10 professionals he only had ADHD. His intermittent eye contact was always when he wasn’t listening, so I mistook it for part of his ADHD. I’m not saying he has autism or ADHD for sure at all. I do think understanding him and his strengths and weaknesses can only help all of you going forward. I’m a pediatrician and multiple pediatrician colleagues of mine unfortunately missed these signs in my child. Big hugs to you and your wonderful son.
Thank you for your reply! I have actually noticed in the past that you often will comment on posts and I greatly appreciate your willingness to share your perspective. I entirely agree with your notion that perhaps he keeps it together in a school setting as best as he can and then totally unravels when at home. He admittedly has long days at school now (bus pick-up at 6:45 and doesn’t get picked up from after-school care until after 5:00) so I understand the behavior better on those days. That would be common for any kid, whether neuro-typical or not. I honestly do not look forward to weekends much because I know the dysregulated behavior will be in full-force since he has no social expectations of himself when around family. Case in point: today is a rainy Saturday and he woke up at 7:30 a.m. and we have tried to stay busy at house playing and doing whatever he wanted. After a few hours, the bewitching hour comes where he looks tired already and starts to belligerently just stagger around as he breathlessly bounces around from thing to thing with zero agenda, hungrily looking something ANYTHING to touch or do. This culminates in peak irritability where he is rubbing his eyes and complaining about whatever comes to his mind as he writhes around on the couch (picture a child doing the bicycle in the air). He looks completely dysregulated and even though we have done no real physical exertion, he clearly is getting wiped out from mental exhaustion. I have seen this burn-out cycle play out hundreds of times and by 12:30, he is asleep on the ground. For too long, we have excused this “oh, he just needs a nap” but he’s long past the age where naps are typically needed on a day in which we have done nothing exhausting yet. It would make more sense if this was the end of the day but not the case. Tired of wondering “why” such punch-drunk, irreverent behavior in the middle of the day. I truthfully want to check to see if there are any mineral imbalances to explain this hyperactive fatigue and irritability that I see in him. We actually plan to schedule his annual check-up soon with his pediatrician (due to a serious of events, we are over a month behind on that) and I plan to pose a LOT of questions. Even though he seems to be holding it together socially as best as he can, I know my little guy is struggling inside and I just want to help address it.
Awwwww, poor buddy! I would also wonder about his sleep quality. That’s unusual to fall asleep like that in the middle of the day. He may need labs, a good interview with your doctor about his sleep, and possibly even a sleep study and/or pediatric sleep medicine specialist appointment as part of everything. I would hate to see something medical missed. Parenting is definitely not for wimps!!! Hang in there and I hope in time you feel things becoming clearer.
Make sure to have his magnesium levels checked. Many kids with adhd don’t get enough magnesium and with get constipated, have trouble sleeping or even have trouble staying calm, which are all side effects of low magnesium.
That is something I definitely intend to have checked. Zinc/magnesium are high on the list as well as serum ferritin (iron). I know that the B-vitamins are key too. With such a picky diet and the fact that he had some GI issues early in life (no real issues with that in the last few years though), I know that there very well could be some issues with lack of nutrients or nutrient absorption. He actually has no issues with sleeping fortunately. Can wake up cranky sometimes but hey, at least he easily sleeps through the night.
I agree that a lot of masking is going on at school, and when kids are punished or scolded for their adhd behaviors a lot, they are frantically looking for positive reinforcement and will fixate on the good at times.
PS I would try to convey everything you have posted here to your pediatrician. You give a clear picture of a child who is struggling in some way. Definitely keep pursuing answers if your pediatrician says there’s nothing going on or they want to watch and wait. Hopefully they won’t say that. But too many parents, IMHO, are told to wait and see when the parents know something is just a bit more challenging for their child than it should be.
We're about a year ahead of you in the process with our 6y/o 1st grader. We have diagnoses (adhd & sensory integration disorder), but we're still discovering. Your child has similar behaviors to ours with at least 2 exceptions - ours is very outgoing (assumes everyone is a friend) and has behavioral issues at school that started our discovery journey. Some teachers are better than others at managing different student needs and may be unfazed. But the next year our student may be in the principal's office every week. We've managed at home, but mornings are really rough.
Here's the advice we've received. (I hope this is okay to post. Also, we're in the US.):
1. First stop - pediatrician. Download the Vanderbilt assessment forms before seeing your pediatrician. There's a parent portion and teacher portion.
2. Schedule with a developmental psychologist for further assessment - expect waitlist.
3. Schedule with an occupational therapist - expect longer waitlist. We've tried chew necklaces for oral sensory seeking, but the novelty wears off quick.
4. Behavioral therapy - this has been helpful for us, but I think it really depends on the kid.
5. For school behavioral issues, request in class observation by school social worker - this feedback was extremely helpful and has since directed our process.
Also, parenting books are great, but this site, and books and videos specific to parenting for neurodivergence have been most helpful and validating.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and share your similar experience. I have felt on an island about this for a very long time now and glad that this forum is full of people like yourself willing to offer help and suggestions. I do like our pediatrician and have brought up the ADHD concerns in the past but we never got past the Vanderbilt assessment part. Again, my wife and I see this totally different and we gave much different assessments, which the pediatrician likely took the aggregate score and deemed things to not be anything too significant. We could have brought it to his daycare provider for assessment too but we knew the staff fairly well there and they never once had given us any troubling feedback about him so we never pursued it. I’m going to ask some very pointed questions when we have our upcoming parent-teacher meeting soon to gauge if she sees anything of concern too. But your feedback is pretty much in line with what I already want to see done. I don’t know if our pediatrician is experienced in ADHD evaluation but if it appears she is not or simply giving a tepid response to my questions, I will pivot and ask for a referral to a developmental psychologist. Seeking an OT feels inevitable, for I know there have to be sensory challenges there. As I stated before, I am truly interested in doing some panel testing for nutritional deficiencies and making that the very first line of attack. That would be a worthwhile thing to do regardless of condition or diagnosis and something that I know I could get finally get buy-in from my wife, who is all about holistic health and addressing issues through dietary changes. I have been trying to give him supplements for a long time now but honestly have never been able to do it with a true level of consistency.
If you can, do share any books or videos that you feel have helped you along the way. I have peered in a number of them and have listened to dozens of webinars on different sites (ADDitude is great for this) but with so much to sift through, its hard to know where to start.
In second grade (first full year after Covid), my daughter’s class was lucky enough to have the OT come weekly. The teacher said she benefited greatly but wouldn’t be able to continue without an iep.
Hello! And thank you for your post. We are not professionals, but a physician should also not be diagnosing either.i would request a neural evaluation and see if you can get the true professionals to look at your kids behavior. Make sure you bring this awesome detailed report to them since they will be asking you questions as well. It did take us 6 months to get in though.
As a person diagnosed at 38, my daughter diagnosed around the same time, and my partner and stepson also diagnosed, and me working in special education (mostly with kids who have autism), I can analyze each bullet, but remember, this is one persons observations.
Most kids at 6 have a lot of inattentiveness but it does sound like yours is a bit more than most. It doesn’t have to be more than one environment. I would talk to teachers to see if they can observe your kiddo for those behaviors and report back.
Yes, kids this age fidget, but being with adhd,you feel like your buddy is trying to crawl out of its skin. This sounds like your kiddo. I watched a video of myself doing a presentation in college, and I think I looked like your son…, and that was in college! Whether or not your kiddo has it, meditation you tube videos will help him be a bit more body self aware.
Although many people with adhd have oral fixation, it is more common with people who have autism. Because these are both spectrums and overlap, the tester will ask about sensory sensitivities (my kids hate jeans) and my hearing is twice that of most people. My daughter is also a thumb sucker at 9yo… no matter what it is, start with chewelry or chewies which are rubber figures that can be worn (necklaces are popular) and don’t judge if they chew the string instead.
My stepkid had some major tantrums at 6. He also throat punched blind dad at 11. He is generally growing out of it now at 14 thanks to lots of therapy, but because mom runs the show we had to establish care 6 times and get him diagnosed. She also refuses medication even after mediation. My daughter does have a bit of an attitude and my partner and I remember “outsmarting” our parents and thinking we knew better I was also always an emotional kid and tantrums are just big emotions. Mine always came out crying, and my partners was always fighting. Don’t take these personally as they just are super mad in the moment. We let some of this happen as long as it’s not destroying other peoples things or hurting each other. We tend to walk away to keep ourselves safe aver validation techniques (I see you are angry about what’s for dinner). Anything they say that’s making them mad, repeat in your own words. Validate don’t punish. If after the meltdown you can discuss and some up with a so,union to “make it right”, use that as a natural consequence and move on.
no 6 yo has a concept of time, unfortunately. There are special visual timers that show a color of how much time is left. It helps me in the classroom with my kids who have autism. They may initially ask many times, and you should point at the clock, even after instructing them. With kids who have asd or adhd, it’s all about repetition and getting used to a new routine, so be strong but calm, and get them used to the new routine until it becomes second nature.
If your child has adhd, they are trying to get the billion thoughts out at once. My partner has what he calls “data bursts”. He would have trouble processing his information and would talk a lot in small amounts. With me, I say almost anything that pops in my head even now and I can’t control what to keep in my “thought bubble” because it’s already out of my mouth. Medication has been helping me with this and allowing me to say to myself” that wouldn’t be a good thing to say” or just be comfortable with my own self for once and just be able to breathe and be in the moment.
As for staggering. It could be something serious with neural (balance issues are a thing), or it could be overdramatizing as an adhd kid. Body awareness definitely needs to be directly taught to some kids, so I would again start with meditation cards or videos and if they are too fast, see if you can find some yoga ones or tai chi.
The shyness is probably something you taught them or that they were scolded by other kids for being themselves. It’s a coping mechanism most likely that has been learned and they are masking so that they aren’t emotionally hurt. The chatterbox is who they are without medication, and medication may help them calm that part of themselves so they can be more aware of who they really want to be and switch mental channels willingly.
I hope that information helps you in your journey so you can keep doing an awesome job parenting your kid!
Thank you for the feedback! I definitely do not expect the pediatrician to be the savior but merely a first step on the journey and hopefully they can give some great referrals.
Yes, inattentiveness and fidgetiness are still very much of the 6-yr old experience so I know I should temper my expectations. It would be great to have a calm and pensive Buddhist monk of a child but what fun would that be?
Your stepkid really sounds like he has had his struggles. My son has his tantrums but the good thing is that they are normally no more than a few minutes long and for the most part, he doesn't have them in public. He knows that is embarrassing to let others see him like that, which tells me is well-aware of his social expectations. I guess I should be grateful for that and for the fact that I've haven't been throat-punched (yet). 😮
The shyness I always took as social anxiety on some level. He is fine with public places and the loud noises, commotion, etc that come with it but should he have to talk with someone new, it can be very nerve-wracking to him. He is still that way with family members that he knows pretty well. His reaction is to do something silly or baby-like when uncomfortable as a coping mechanism. I know that there are lags in emotional intelligence for ADHD kids so I know that his just way of retreating to where he is most comfortable (ex: talking like a baby).
This is all good advice that everyone has recommended and I thank you all endlessly.
Hi! Just wanted to say how great your bullet points/notes are. You are an awesome parent for having all of this insight already. You clearly have put in a lot of time and research to be able to put all that together. That's huge. Like others have said, most likely your pediatrician won't really have much for answers unless they are very well trained in the subject matter. Don't give up, keep making your journals of your kiddos behavior throughout all things that will be tried, and don't "sit and wait" for answers. Keep advocating for your kiddo.
When you have some answers and if you are looking for parent training, I highly recommend checking out adhd dude Ryan Wexelblatt. He has great you tube videos to check out for free to see if you like his style. We have gained alot of knowledge about adhd and actual concrete skills that have helped our sons behavior.
Your already a head of the game with your knowledge!
Right?! I really like how he brakes things down into easy to understand concepts. You don't ever have to wade through fluff or feel like your searching for the important points.
Thank you! I have lied in wait for too long on this and really want to get my questions answered by the professionals finally. I would hope that if a diagnosis comes, I will already hit the ground running. And I have in fact seen a few things of the ADHD Dude; he is pretty popular and has lots of stuff, I've seen. Haven't done a deep dive but I will check out his stuff more often. I have to say that I really liked Dr. Russell Barkley as well. That guy absolutely GETS IT and speaks to the topic in an extremely well-informed yet empathic manner. He probably has more long-form reads so it's harder to perhaps dive into his material as opposed to the ADHD Dude who gives you tons of digestible chunks of info.
Yes I think your right on. I enjoy listening to Dr. Barkley as well. Evidence based and like you said GETS it. Adhd dude is really nice for learning how to implement the strategies needed at home. His program is nice because you can go at your own pace and go back and rewatch a section if needed. Plus, at $20 a month you can't really go wrong. He has office hours where you can ask your questions as well which I have done a few times. It's really awesome that your prepared and learning all you can now. It really makes a difference when your finding the right doctor as well I feel like if you understand the ins and outs better of adhd and what meds do what. I learned quickly that I knew more than my sons pediatrician (who is great!) on adhd and meds so moved on to find someone who would be the expert! It's baffling to me how little training they get on something that seems to be pretty common. Hopefully that will change for kids and adults alike.
I have ADHD and my kid has ADHD and autism. With both of us signs were missed particularly at school. If your kid is masking hard at school (which might explain being shy with others but a chatterbox at home) he will be exhausted when he gets home and on the weekend. Also, if school is highly structured it could actually be easier for the ADHD brain than chilling at home. The assumption is always that ADHD makes you bad at academics but it can present more as social emotional issues. Same with ASD. So I would do a full neuropsych - making sure you request the autism testing as well. And I might also go to a developmental ped for a second opinion. If there’s something physical going on, you’ll want to know that too. I do wonder about the staggering and if something is going on there. Neurodiverse folks, especially those with ASD don’t always know how they feel physically and can struggle to express themselves. So it might be worth getting it checked out. Finally, I would definitely explore occupational therapy. All that wriggling and looking uncomfortable can be addressed with OT. And good on you for flagging your concerns. Maybe it’s nothing but if there is something going on, you will all be so glad you caught it early.
hello! You have lots of great suggestions already in the comments here, so I’ll keep it quick!
My son, who is now 10, presented in very much the same way in school. He had no issues in school until grade 2 & 3 / aged 7/8. By this time school is less play based and more academic- they’re doing more things they might find boring. My son is inattentive, so will become easily distracted doing something he finds hard. Otherwise, he is a very good student and friend in school. You might just not be seeing it ‘yet’ with your son in school.
My son does not take medication, because his symptoms are just less severe. We have lots and lots of strategies in place to help him. Getting the psych Ed from school and the the diagnosis has been life changing. The support from school and learning about all the ways to help him have improved things vastly.
Just to chime in here as well.... first, WELCOME! So glad you piped up and are adding another thoughtful, supportive voice to this community My daughter (9) is not yet officially diagnosed yet either. I deeply suspect inattentive ADD but she masks so insanely well as school none of the teachers see it, and she completely and totally falls apart after the school day. She is exhausted from being who she is not. The one thing I'll add to this is that while we were working through the (slow) pathways of finding her a therapist and working through evaluation, we proceeded with our own education assuming she has ADD. So I read up on strategies that helped the specific situations we struggled with every day and they have made massive differences in her day. So whether or not she has ADD, the suggestions I've found apply well to her and were helpful to our family. So while you're figuring out what to do next, you can always couple it with searching for strategies that may help.
Lastly, we found protein a huge challenge too, esp because my daughter is vegetarian and particular about food choices, but I know that protein is essential for ADD management. Things that worked for us, in case they spark an idea for you -- Clio greek yogurt bars (9g of protein, fairly pure ingredients). Pumpkin seeds. Pepitas seeds. Chickpeas with italian salad dressing. Feta cheese in greek salad dressing. Celery with peanut butter. French-style yogurt (no idea why that is okay when reg yogurt is not...) Frozen go-gurts. Homemade quesadillas with cheese, black beans & rice.
Thank you for sharing! I hope to add to the chorus of supportive voices here. It sounds like you are in a similar boat as me. I know that girls will present ADHD primarily in the inattentive type (which can easily go undetected) and boys far more often can be in the combined type (which my guy clearly seems to be). Nonetheless, the masking part is a real thing and you hit it on the head..."exhausted from being who she is not". He really wants to be liked and accepted by his peers and he's experiencing his first real taste of being teased or kids using mean words so he's going through a lot emotionally these days already. I try to give him grace after school; just need to get him to finish his simple homework assignments before dysregulation sets it.
Thank you for the food suggestions. He doesn't drink lots of milk or eat eggs but I really want him to start liking peanut butter....it feel like it would be a revelation to get him to add that to his diet since its non-perishable for his lunch or on-the-go situations and can be packed with protein. He will do rice and beans and string cheese though so those are easy staples to have. My wife is very much a clean-eating foodie (she's probably on Pinterest pinning recipes this very minute) so we have the knowledge to pack him full of healthy choices once we can get him to turn a corner on his picky-eating.
Allow me to ask: If you could name the 2-3 best strategies that have worked for your daughter, would would they be?
It sounds like you really are deeply attentive to your son - he is lucky to have you in his corner!!
On the strategies that have worked, here are a few of my favorites that have really helped for us, but I have no idea if they transfer to other kids!
Strategy #1 - turn homework into fun challenges. I'll say "What do you think about making homework time a little crazy today? Let's pick a different place for every page of your homework. Go take the first page, find the craziest place you can think of, and do it there. Then come find me when you are done, and we'll find another one." So far, she has done her homework sitting in a (dry) bathtub, sitting in our (clean, unlit) fireplace alcove, under the dining room table, on the top stair, under her bed with a flashlight, on the front porch, etc. The other day, we also did brain breaks for every 5 math problems she finished and I gave her a different physical challenge (10 push ups! 10 crunches! 10 supermans!) between each set of 5 problems. I don't know why she loved that, but she did.
Strategy #2 - at night, I give her compliments. There is all this literature about how the self-esteem of kids with ADHD really suffers and how they hear so much more negative feedback than other kids. So each night, I lay down in her bed and say "Can I give you compliments?" You can feel her glowing as she says, casually "okay, sure" and I list 3-5 specific things that I noticed where she made amazing choices that day. I also say "What did i miss?" so if there was something she hoped I would notice that I didn't notice, she can name it so I can see it.
Strategy #3 - for room cleaning, I gave her a small mini mailbox with a red flag on it (from our dollar store). When we do room cleaning, I put a small piece of paper with a mini task in it (e.g., put dirty clothes in laundry basket, toss stuffed animals into hammock, or put books on floor onto bookshelf). She completes that task, then sends it back to me by putting it in MY mailbox with a big check on it, and I slip another one into her mailbox. It helps her break down the job of room cleaning into manageable tasks, and we make it silly (I try to replace the job faster than she can give me a check marked one so we wind up colliding into each other and laughing in the hallway).
Again, I don't know if they are transferrable but maybe help in some way?
These are great! I can implement #1 and 2 immediately and once he is a proficient reader, I can do #3. The compliments at night are something I should rightfully do more often. 💗 He donated some of his money to our church's fundraiser this past weekend and I praised him throughout the weekend how special that was and what the word 'generosity' meant. He seemed a bit ambivalent about it but I know he loves the feeling of making others happy.
Everyone has already given great advice -- the only thing I wanted to add was RE: staggering, acting drunk. My son also did this. He use to fall constantly and crash into things, he even fell down the stairs a few times. It was to the point where I was exploring a neural eval. After seeing 4 different eye doctors (because we kept moving), one finally realized that he was seeing double due to Vertical heterophoria (his eyes are misalligned). He was legally blind even with his glasses on. They changed up his glasses prescription and also added prisms and it was like a night and day difference! All that to say, maybe vision issues are something worth exploring just to make sure? Sounds like your son is in great hands with such an attentive parent. Good luck!
Thank you! He will have his hearing and vision checked at his next check-up so I will know more on that soon. His vision has been 20/20 so far and that kid has a friggin' eagle eye so I don't really question his eyesight but we will see if anything is out of the norm on his exam. To me, his stagger seems to be due to fatigue...he just looks tired and disoriented while doing it. This is really why I am curious about where he stands on his nutritional panel testing. I have heard that low iron (a very common deficiency in many kids but especially in kids with ADHD) gives you "tired blood". He is very energetic but I feel like he's running on fumes and adrenaline a lot. Like any kid, he will never tell you that he's tired whenever he's doing some fun but once the fun stops, the 'fun' begins, so to speak 😀
Welcome to the community, and so glad you reached out for advice. You've gotten some great advice already, but I'll add my 2 cents. Trust your gut as a parent. Since my son was 3 or so I had that same feeling of something just being "off," but we didn't find our way to ADHD until he self-diagnosed at 13. He still doesn't have a formal diagnosis, but whether that comes or not, his symptoms (and your son's) are still very real.
You had asked about books. As a health coach and eternally curious person, I've found a few books that have been very thought provoking and helpful: The NDD Book by Dr. Sears, Finally Focused by James Greenblatt, and Dirty Genes by Ben Lynch. It sounds like you've already explored supplements, so you might appreciate the root cause approach these books take.
For food, you might consider smoothies if he likes them...you can pack/hide a lot of protein (nuts, seeds, nut butter, tofu etc) as well as veggies into them. My son is a picky eater, too, but with him (and many kids), if you get them involved in shopping/prepping, they're sometimes more open and willing to eat different things. Sounds like your wife would be a good partner here.
Keep seeking information, observing and championing for your wonderful kiddo. It's so hard to see them struggle, and glad you're here for support. Good luck!
Thank you for the info and the encouragement! Yes, whether a diagnosis comes or not, I have a clear understanding of what the symptoms are and when bundled together, it has a name. Whether we call it by that name or not, I simply aim to learn the many remedies that will help mitigate those symptoms.
Thank you for the book recommendations. I have heard of that Finally Focused book before and like Dr. Barkley, James Greenblatt is very renown in his field, I've heard. Also, I would like to incorporate more smoothies into his life. He's a big fan of berries so berry smoothies would be a perfect vehicle to "put the pill in the pudding" and load up all the nutrients in there. We've done it several times and it's just a bit time consuming and messy but worth the trouble in the end.
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My daughter (9) is not yet officially diagnosed yet either. I deeply suspect inattentive ADD but she masks so insanely well as school none of the teachers see it, and she completely and totally falls apart after the school day. She is exhausted from being who she is not. The one thing I'll add to this is that while we were working through the (slow) pathways of finding her a therapist and working through evaluation, we proceeded with our own education assuming she has ADD. So I read up on strategies that helped the specific situations we struggled with every day and they have made massive differences in her day. So whether or not she has ADD, the suggestions I've found apply well to her and were helpful to our family. So while you're figuring out what to do next, you can always couple it with searching for strategies that may help.
Child with ADHD and Severe Mood Swings
ADHD/ Behavior Issues
Please help-ADHD medication 
