Child with possible adhd and anxiety problems

[janaq]

I don't know what else to do. My 11 yo daughter is a compulsive liar, found out today she took some money and lied about it.. like she's a professional liar. She's has shown a lot of characteristicsince she was 4-5 of a child with adhd and we just took her to a psychologist for a initial visit and next visit will discuss what kind of testing she needs. I feel like a failure as a mother, like I've done something wrong to make her act this way. Just need some good vibes as my husband and I are at our wits end.

[anirush]

My 13 year old grandson's lying has gotten worse recently. Haven't really discussed that with his doctor since there were other issues of greater concern

[seller]

First of all, you must know that her lying is not your fault. You did not cause her to lie and you really can't stop it either. Lying is a very common problem with ADHD kids. Remember that your daughter is most likely functioning in some ways as an 8 or 9 year old. ADHD kids are impulsive and are frequently in trouble. Their response to being caught is to lie - it's the easiest way out for the moment.....and they don't think behind the moment. I would definitely confront her about the theft and she should lose a privilege for a short time (1 -2 days - long punishments lose their effectiveness with these kids). My other advice is to keep your money locked up. We had our bedroom door locked for years. After having money stolen several times and punishing our son, we decided that keeping temptation to a minimum outweighed anything else.

[janaq in reply to seller]

Thank so much for responding. I really needed to vent and this is not something I wanna share with family. It's driving me nuts. She also says she wants to die when she's in trouble because she feels so bad. This is NOT MY KID!! I have no idea where she would even get something like that.

[seller in reply to janaq]

I hate to tell you this, but the lying often becomes more prevalent as these kids get older and the stakes get higher. I truly believe that there are 2 main reasons they lie (and it's not because they're "bad" kids or have some other deep-seated issues) - it's the impulsivity that they can't control and the fact that our kids are in trouble SO much, that they lie to avoid it. I guess I'd lie too if I was always getting called out on something I either did wrong, or didn't do. Lying is the quickest and easiest way of avoiding a possible punishment. The fact that the punishment almost always comes later does not seem to matter - they truly live in the moment! I think if you can avoid severe punishment for the lies that might help for the long run. And keep temptation locked up......this includes money in siblings' rooms. Another idea is to find out why she wanted the money....does she have money of her own to spend? Did she forget to bring money to school for something and didn't want to tell you? If you can do some investigating, you might be able to manage the situation.

[janaq]

I will be investigating. Thanks so much for your valuable input!

[Mama_Maehem]

I feel like I’m reading my own story! 12yo daughter lies like it’s instinct. I think it started because she wanted to avoid punishment, and then became a way out of explaining the mistakes she makes from impulsiveness, and then just became her go-to. The worst is I swear she believes her own lies, even when they make no sense.

You are not a failure as a mom! You are trying with all your heart to help her. Keep trying. You clearly love her fiercely, look at all you’re going through.

Let us know what your psychologist says. I’d love help with this, too!