my 5 yr old son with adhd will not stay in his bed after our bedtime routine is finished and lights are out. He leaves multiple times to use the bathroom (although that’s just an excuse) and to check in on my husband and me. It takes us a few hours before he finally stays in bed, settles, and goes to sleep. It’s exhausting for everyone. Has anyone had a similar experience, does it get better w age, do you have any suggestions on how to handle it or ways to keep him in bed?
Background: he takes short acting Ritalin and small dose of Guanfacine in the day which should be out of his system already, his bedtime is 730, he takes a bath or shower every night followed by book time and relaxing music .
Thanks for your help!
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SunshineF
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Our son was given Guanfacine in a PM dose that was 24 hrs. This wad suppose to help with sleep. Could you discuss this with his doctor?But I have a few thoughts.. the first is how helpful exercise is for so many things.. I wonder if he thinks he is not tired enough. Could you have him dona lot of physical activity before bed? It could even be a "dance party", so he is super tired. Then he may need help winding down, maybe weighted blanket, noise machine, etc..
The second thought is a "barn door".. I know this sounds crazy, but the top half opens and the bottom closes.. that way he could still hear what is going on.
This sounds like a phase as annoying as it might be.
thanks for your response. Over the past 6 months, we tried guanfacine at all different doses and times - the latest being at 4pm and only .5ml. We found if we gave anymore he was a rombie and he ended up waking up a lot after falling asleep fine. Not really sure if that was from the Med or just a phase. But I could bring this back up with his doctor. Maybe he’d tolerate it better since he’s a little older now. And yes, re: exercise. He’s a very activity little guy and we try getting his energy out by jumping on his little trampoline, playing outside, dance parties after dinner just like you mentioned. Some days are better than other esp if the weather is bad etc but we do try to get him moving regularly. He also has a sound machine but he does not have a weight blanket. Maybe we could try that. Thanks for the idea. The barn door is an interesting idea too although he’s so curious I think he’d just jump it and come out. But hey I’m not canceling it out! Thanks so much for responding!
Doesn't sound like changing the medication is a good idea. You could try working in the others. Just one more though ( of course ask his doctor), you could on really hard nights use melatonin gummies and see if that helps.
Also a thought to get a sleep study which is easy at home ( at least ours was). Not sure if he struggles to fall asleep and or stay asleep.
Could you ask him what would help? Not sure if he can describe why he has the sleep issues.
As far as the barn door you can lock the top to the bottom, this might grow with him so he can feel could feel better if security is the issue (he may say he is scared).
Our son's Dr has him take 1mg guanfacine, but he takes ½ in the am with his Focalin XR (to help regulate his anger) and then takes the other ½ around dinner time. The dr has always been insistent on taking it as two ½ doses. Yes, it is the 24 hour one, just split up. And we've had no issues with aggressive behavior at school anymore 🙏🫂 and he sleeps a full night's sleep 😴.
I just picked up melatonin gummies (his dr approved it) but haven’t used them yet I guess mostly bc I’m worried we’ll become dependent on them and then they won’t be effective anymore over time.., not sure if that’s a real concern or just me. I need to ask his dr.
I have personally done two sleep studies which was a wrist bracelet and pads connected to my chest. Super easy..But even if you had to go somewhere, it might be very helpful in explaining what is the "root" of the issue. Is it falling asleep, staying a sleep or waking up. If you don't find this out you are kinda shooting in the dark.
We used gummied for our son who is now 16 years old and he just finally felt like he didn't need them any more. We still use them when we travel. But not often, he doesn't need them.
I would not worry about him becoming dependent, these are phases and they mature and change. As they grow up a little they can express why they are not sleeping.
we use melatonin gummies, but we found that with our son magnesium gummies work better. His mind would race, anxious thoughts. Magnesium gummies helped settle that so he could sleep normally. For our other one we use a door monkey to keep them in their room.
I haven't found a solution. I still lay down with my son at night (which is a pain). A weighted blanket helped him fall asleep and stay asleep when he was younger. Now he feels like it is too hot, so I toss my leg over his legs to kind of settle him. Once he is asleep, no problems with him waking up since he began using broad spectrum micronutrients.
Have you asked him why he keeps getting up? You might try brainstorming with him. Issue: he needs to stay in his room. Then have him help brainstorm some ideas for solutions. Write them on a white board until you both run out of ideas. Then ask him to rank the ideas. Then try the top one or two. Cross them off if they don't work and move on. This is the kind of troubleshooting he needs to learn how to do on his own, but you will he walking him through the process for a very long time. At first you will do most of the brainstorming and prompt him for ideas. As time moves on, he will start contributing more.
Also maybe a clock that shows him when it's OK to get up? If he can't read a clock yet, then you can get one that shows night/day and you choose the times for each. Something like this, but there are many others: amazon.com/I%C2%B7CODE-Alar...
Maybe a special nighttime stuffie that he chooses who will keep him safe and protect him? Or special sheets or special blanket...
I've also used "fairy dust" (baking soda), calming sprays with lavender, essential oils that are for bedtime, etc. Talking them up each time about how my kids could relax and it would help them sleep, etc. Also played a lot of Brahms lullabies.
I remember my daughter went through a phase where she thought a burgler would come in her window (no idea what triggered this). It was around the same time we saw a skunk in that area of our yard. So I really talked up "friend skunk" who would protect her and spray anyone who came near the window!
Or just a simple repeated reinforcing demonstration of being the strong capable parent including holding him tight so he feels it. Together with love and warmth. Kids have all sorts of worries at that age, also night terrors and increasing awareness of what's out there. I think the physical aspect of parenting is important here, showing it so he feels it. Before any ranking business. Asking a child what would help is like a doctor asking the patient what they think is the diagnosis.
Well it works for me. I have used this process for years with my kids (since they were 3 and 4). It helps create awareness, even if the parent is coming up with 10 ideas and the kid is coming up with one idea at first. They see the process and learn to participate over time. Now that my kids are 12 and 13 they are significantly better at it. It also makes them feel like part of the solution rather than being told what to do over and over. So now we can use the process when they are having trouble in a certain academic subject, or don't like a teacher, or are having problems with another kid, or are having trouble waking up for school, etc. And they are able to do it on their own for many things. As ADHD kids grow up, they will need to advocate for themselves (starting in middle school they attend their own 504/IEP plan meetings with the parent and teachers). This helps sets the ground work for being able to do that.
In terms of the physical aspect, my daughter in particular would have been happy to sleep in bed with me until she was 11. But she kicks and moves around while sleeping so it just doesn't work for me, especially since I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to tge point that I am disabled. So I had to set boundaries (nightmare, you can come in for a hug for a few minutes, then need to get your stuffie and go back to bed). Having her try to start verbalizing what would make her feel safe and be able to go back to sleep was key.
Also, the Dr/patient analogy is a bit weird. I do know what the diagnosis is about 75% of the time. But still need the Dr to confirm and take action. If you think about it, the Dr is the parent and the patient is the kid. The Dr asks a lot of troubleshooting shooting questions and involves the patient. Eventually the patient knows enough about their body to be able to help the troubleshooting process go faster. The only difference is that the patient will never become the Dr unless they go to med school. Whereas the kid will become an adult and hopeful thrive on their own. You are helping to teach them how to do that and they need more breakdown of the process and practice because they have ADHD.
Our ADHD daughter (almost 9) is like this, too. Always has been a super light sleeper prone to anxiety and nightmares. We've tried it all. The Hatch color/sound alarm for when she was allowed to leave her room worked somewhat. I have ended up just sleeping in there many nights. Exercise kind of helps, but not too late in the day (for us). Melatonin works maybe 75% of the time; I held off on that for a long time because I was worried about it. I have always sucked at sleeping, too, even on huge doses of sleeping pills or tranquilizers, so I have to imagine there's a genetic component in there somewhere.
My best recommendation is that , for us, anyway, it got a lot better as full-day school happened and required more of her. Like she could do an all-day activity summer camp and have trouble sleeping but one day of 3rd Grade can knock her right out.
We only do one CD ER dose of methylphenidate in the morning, and I wake her up at 6 no matter what every day.
Not saying any of this is the answer, just our own experience. Hang in there!
All of these comments are so thoughtful. I wish I read these when my son was 5. He's almost 7 now and it does take some trial and error. What worked for me was a consistent bedtime routine (shower, etc) and then a 30-60 min period of wind down. For him, watching something on his tablet while laying in bed does the trick. For his brain, it doesn't overestimate him, but rather focuses his brain on one thing. Then, he has a bedtime timer go off, where he turns off his tablet and puts on bedtime music. It's always the same music, unless he wants something else. The music will drown out other home sounds. He uses white noise some nights and it works as well. We also use a nightlight that changes colors, that he will watch as he gets sleepy. All this with a heavy blanket and favorite stuffed animal and he's ready to sleep.
I started uses Olly brand "kids sleep" gummies on nights when he is not winding down as he should. He enjoys taking them. I don't do every night, just as I see it's needed. And they really work in only 30 min or so.
Overall, find sight and sound items that will help his brain settle down. That way, HE can put himself to bed using the sensory items to help him wind down. He is still 5 and that was a big year for us. Hang in there, Mama. It's all a trial and error to see what fits his unique self.
I can totally relate to you. We went through something similar with my son who was diagnosed w ADHD at age 6. The only difference is that he is not on meds.
I heard magnesium helps to fall sleep so I went to Amazon and purchased Magnisum Citrate see pic above. This was a game charger for us. Within 15 minutes he falls to sleep. And he sleeps through the entire night. 😁
I hope things get better and your son can get the rest he needs. Hang in there..
Same experiences with our son at that age. Melatonin was the game changer!!! We started with the liquid form, which we mixed with a small amount of water for him to drink -- we refer to it as his "nightime water". Usually give about 20-30 minutes before bedtime. It really helps him to calm down and relax in preparation for sleep. No real side affects and now we only use it sparingly. He is 9. Consider trying it!
My kids have been trying melatonin for months. They are undiagnosed, but I think they have ADHD. * I've known some people who have taken melatonin for years, and it still works for them. I've known others who have given their kids melatonin for years, and it's worked consistently for most kids. (I've only known one kid that it didn't work for in the prayer bit, but he is a really special case.)
Do kids outgrow that? Most of them do.
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My 10 year old son doesn't fall asleep until it's late, no matter what time he goes to bed. Melatonin helps him to stay asleep, or be able to fall asleep again if he wakes up in the middle of the night.
My 8 y.o. daughter sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night and has trouble falling asleep again, but only at her mom's house, not at mine. My daughter thinks it's because her bedroom window faces the main road though town, so there might be cars driving by at all Harris hours.
* When she was 4-6, she would often pretend to fall asleep, then sneak out of bed. Sounds like similar to what your son does. When she got caught, it was always some reason like she had to use the bathroom, or needed a drink of water, or she couldn't find a particular stuffed animal.
When my kids were younger, I'd tell them that if they couldn't sleep, they could read in bed for a little while. My daughter now only does that occasionally, but most nights she falls asleep soon after going to bed, so she grew out of it. My son reads almost every night at my house, because his brain still can't settle. He uses a bright nightlight to read by.
Again, I think my kids have ADHD, especially my son, but neither is diagnosed.
My best advice... consistency.
When my daughter was getting up all the time, I'd often lay on the edge of her bed or on the floor by her bed for 5-10 minutes for her to get the idea. I'd suggest not doing that regularly, as I had done. (Maybe just if your son had a bad dream.) It got to be a routine with us. (I love my kids. But when they started sleeping in separate rooms, I had to stagger their bedtimes so I could go the same for my son...stay 5 minutes for him to settle. He'd usually be awake for another 30-60 minutes after I'd leave.)
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I don't regret doing that with my kids...I actually loved having that connection with them (they're only young once), but I don't advocate it for any other parents. That went on until my daughter was 7 and my son was 9.
It came to and end when their mom and I divorced, and the bedtime routine became a phonecall with the parent whose house they are not at.
thanks for this. We’ve tried staying in the room with him but the difficult thing is that time is often spent w him talking a mile a minute and jumping around. He doesn’t like to cuddle bc he gets too hot. So sadly it’s never a time where we can connect w him. At least not in the past 6 months. It used to be a special time for us w him but those days seem long gone unfortunately. But maybe he’ll grow out of this like you mentioned and experienced. We haven’t tried melatonin yet but we’re going to.
Your son reminds me of my eldest daughter (who is now 29, and her doctor recently suggested that she might have ADHD).
* She had Hyperactive-Impulsive traits as a kid, but didn't have any Inattentive traits. So, we didn't understand that she still might have ADHD.
* She was very talkative, particularly in school.
* She would often have trouble falling asleep, often sneaking out of bed to play quietly by herself. (Once asleep, she would be extremely difficult to wake up!)
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She has grown up to be a wonderful single mom to her two kids. After trying various jobs, she's found an electronics manufacturing job that she likes...I think she likes that it's a little bit mentally stimulating, but mainly that she can be hypermobile (moving her arms and hands a lot).
maybe he is anxious and worried you might leave him alone so has to check you are there.
Could you try suggesting he stays in bed and you will check on him and give him the thumbs up from the door 3 times.
Once he is used to staying in bed try swapping to a sign you are there. Like a teddy sitting on a chair he can see from bed. Tell him once you go to bed you will lie teddy down so he knows you’ve gone to bed.
We thought this too and have tried similar approaches - telling him we’ll check on him etc. but we could set up the stuffed animal and see how that goes. Thanks for the idea.
We had years of struggles with sleep. At 5 years old now - we’ve had luck with giving him a sand timer and saying we’ll be back to check on him after the goes through. Then repeat and do longer timers until he’s settled enough to sleep. Now we’re down to one time on a 3 minute sand timer. We also do a melatonin gummy on many nights. Getting him to sleep got a little easier when he was off methylphenidate - we took him off a month ago due to other side effects.
1. My son also always needed us to stay with him until he fell asleep, but around 5 is when it stopped working because he would just talk to us the whole time. So I started a reward system with him--I would give him 10 minutes of snuggles; then I would leave the room for 10 minutes. If he stayed (a) in bed, (b) quiet, and (c) resting that whole time, he would earn a star (to count towards a prize). If he FELL ASLEEP before I came back, he would earn a bonus star. Regardless, I always PROMISED to come back after his "10 minutes of rest-alone time". If he got up and came looking for me, there was no consequence--I'd go back and sit with him, but he wouldn't get his star. The times this happened steadily decreased. In the beginning, I would often need to come back and sit with him some more after the 10 minute wait--but he would be more settled. After awhile, he would be asleep before I returned, because he had already gotten snuggles and knew that he could trust I would return. It worked best when I started saying, "I'm going to go put on my pajamas and wash up/brush my teeth for the next 10 minutes, so even if you come looking for me, you'll have to wait until I finish. I promise to come check on you when I'm done."
Now, I often just stay with him until he's asleep because he falls asleep faster these days, but on nights where he's a little too wound up (or where another child needs me), I can still give him rest-alone-time to fall asleep on his own.
2. I did all of the above a few months before putting him on medication, but when we started him on guanfacine, he lost the ability to sleep before 10pm. When I brought this up with his doctor, she mentioned that there's a 6-8 hour window after taking guanfacine before it makes you sleepy, so we were giving it to him too late (at bedtime). Backing it up to right after school has done the trick for him, and now he's going to sleep around 8:30 instead of 10.
My 9 year old daughter listens to sleep/meditation stories like those by New Horizon. The storyline helps hold her attention/keep from getting bored trying to fall asleep better than music, but she still falls asleep. The only problem is that when they play the stories in school for meditation she falls right asleep! ha
Im going to be unpopular because I m going with a hard and fast, bed time means bed. It is essential for my husband and I to get an hour of peace with one another. My kids know that coming out to see me is going to have consequences. Am i saying I ignore genuine fear? No. I m saying I have boundaries, they know them and they know what happens when they cross them. Give me trouble at night and you'll be sent to bed earlier the next night. I have 3 kids so i just can't be with all of them at once until they fall asleep.I can hear them talking and moving around but so long as they don't come out and get up without issue for school, i ignore it.
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