OUR LIFE,OUR STRUGGLES, OUR FEARS, OUR EMBARASSEMENTS, OUR MISTAKES SO FAR

[Nanchli]

First of all I love this group and want to say thanks to all those who reply and give honest advice, isn't that just precious! My son who is 17 I know something is wrong with him, We know he need help, he is so different from the very beginning, at first we were told he has low muscle tone, he was very late walker but he was a happy happy kid, always smiling more like laughing.

As he grew older, once he left elementary school, THINGS GOTTEN BAD TO WORSE FOR HIM. We never really give him the help he needed, Why????????????????? first of all we never communicate something is wrong, not till recently still we dont talk about it openly, like what the hell, we all see it, why are we not admitting it, I find out about4-5 years old how bad he need help, I try to talk to my husband he didnt pay much attention to it, I read so many so many so many articles online and they made me soooooooooo upset, My discovery was "MY SON HAD AN ADD, THERE IS NO CURE AND MEDICATIONS HAS BAD SIDE AFFECTS" I didnt soak in anything else, I still wanted to help my son, I have probably bought every single thing on internet which claim to help wit focus. Dont know how much money and time I spend on it, somethings might help but a little, nothing really made a difference enough to resolve the issue.

Things are getting bad with him, self medicating, depression, he says he has nothing in life to look forward to My little sweet happy boy is consumed by his disabilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO HELP HIM. My life has stopped right now, I did schedule an appt with phyciatrist and its not till April, which is so crazy to wait that long!

PARENTS OUT THERE SPECIALLY FOR YOUNG KIDS, PLEASE SEEK HELP PLEASE DONT WAIT!

It gets harder when they are older,!

Also I dont know what I should tell my son, I told him that we are gonna get him help and school is gonna get easier for him he liked that idea, I mean I dont even know the real diagnose yet.

He is always refusing help!

What a crazy life, another thing is we are surrounded by his sister and his cousins who are basically all in gifted program, or all A students and ahead than their peers in life, which dont help him at all.

He is 17 and probably the only one with no drivers license I was eager to get him license but now I feel lets face the main issue first.

other thing is I feel like he sometimes started to act silly, like staring at same place on purpose like he almost act like being dump because thats what has been put in his mind, (yes he get bullied in school and has shared this)

please pray for this momma GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!

My son is not on medication yet! hoping thats the answer we need

[NYCmom2]

That’s wonderful that you’re seeking help and support for your son.

A lot of fast progress can be made when the parent seeks therapy support at the same time as the child. When the family has more support they can better help the child. It’s also a safe space to talk through your frustrations and disappointment and find helpful words to describe the experience you’re going through.

Wishing you and your family many blessings.

[anirush]

Sorry you have to wait so long to see a doctor. Is there no other doctor who might have a sooner appointment? You might also check to see if one of your hospitals has a mental health facility and try to get him started there.

I don't know if he is self medicating with drugs or alcohol but that can get bad in a short time.

Both my grandsons started medication and therapy in kindergarten. As teens we are still doing this. Hormones cause lots of changes.

Hope you can find help quickly.

[Hidden]

This is a great support community, it helped me a lot and I hope this will also apply to you. The first step would be to get your son a proper psychiatric assessment- then you will know if this is ADHD and maybe some other diagnosis (let’s say ADHD, specific learning disabilities, anxiety, depression often go pair in pair). What does his school say? Do you have access to psychology services? There might be people here in his online community who live in your area and can recommend services that worked well for their nearly young adult children.

[Nanchli]

thank you!

[18wise]

You are an amazing Mom...take good care of yourself. You are in my prayers. I have a recent teen who turned 18 last month and refuses to finish her 2 classes to graduate. She thinks a high school diploma is not needed when people embellish edu. School forgot to follow IEP and College board modifications so her scores were in the bottom 1% when she thought she scored in top 1%. As a result she stopped wanting to learn and go to school & wants to drop out.

Very sad for a student who was able to achieve A's, B's & C's with IEP modifications & supports. She got a pt job working in a restaurant but making $15 an hour will not make her financially self sufficient.

Any suggestions on anything that has turned the situation on a path fwd.

We have tried all types of meds but they made her more aggressive or saw bugs on the wall etc.

Self medication seems to be very common but expensive habits and affects seem to have compromised her cognitive ability.

School has placed the blame on us since they have said they don't ever see such refusal behavior and only academic success with their ADHD students!

Any suggestions for a mom of a senior who wants to drop out with only 2 classes to go to graduate? Blessings & thanks

[Nanchli in reply to 18wise]

I am sorry to hear that! My warm thoughts are with you, If your daughter need accomodations school need to provide those to her, You all need to be on the same page working as a team to get her high school diploma specially when she is this close, can she take those classes online? is that an option. I helped my son a lot during the classes he took online during covid because I knew he NEEDED that help and no one else understood. Sending you hugs!

[EJ_C]

Hey,I've commented on a few posts with my experience. I'm in my 20s and have ADHD and dyslexia, amongst other things.

I think first and foremost, having parents that care is an amazing thing. But also both these things are superpowers. They come with so many strengths... Okay they have challenges. But that is okay.

As a parent you want the best your child, I saw that from my dad and still do.

I didn't do very well at school. At that point, it was not right for me. I shut down. Because of all the things that was going on. The labels etc. The your underachieving, the look on my dad's face when I didn't do well to my self-confidence. (What I'm trying to say is sometimes the more you care and the more the school cares, it makes me worse)

I've said before I didn't go straight to college. I went into the real world and developed my learning. Real world experience and the challenges that people with LD thrive on.

By doing so, it improved my English and maths, etc... I then went to college; I trained to be a teacher. I passed with blooming good marks.

Though I'm not teaching anymore as I was

. I'm one of the youngest people doing it at my level... In a field I LOVE

Both of your children (two different posts above) will achieve great things. I'm telling you that. They have the superpower of ADHD.

We just sometimes take the long road to get there instead of the highway, as most people do.

Be there, hug them, and they'll figure the journey out. It has a lot of bumps. But it is about them figuring out their heads and measures to overcome the challenges.

----

Actually I'm going to tell you a story. When I was a teacher.... I had a disagreement with the principal. That day I quit (rash decisions which ADHD is famous for)... I chucked away a career.

On my drive home, I phoned my dad up saying I'm heading home. I've quit my job. "Son, I believe in you" was the thing my dad said.

I started working to keep myself busy, right at the bottom of a ladder for a college. I then progressed quickly. My ADHD skills and risks helped me. I now do a job that is perfect for my ADHD... I make major sporting events happen. I travel the world. I see smiles on people's faces. I help make history.

I LOVE IT! My dad believed in me.

I figured out my journey.

Why am I saying this? Because as I said earlier, we always take the long way with some corners in it. But we get there.

I'll say it again, I don't know your children but I believe in them!

[Nanchli in reply to EJ_C]

this is SOO Awesome, thanks for sharing all this I happy for you you and your dad must be so so proud of you!

"Be there, hug them, and they'll figure the journey out. It has a lot of bumps. But it is about them figuring out their heads and measures to overcome the challenges."..........LOVE THIS

[EJ_C in reply to Nanchli]

Nanchli, ADHD has so many superpowers. Like LOADS. Yup, I get annoyed sometimes that I lose things, my mind is spinning or I can't do something as well as someone else.

But would I want a cure? Nope. No thank you. I think many people would say the same.

Is it a disability, I'll say yes, just so I can get the benefits of it being classed as one. But, do I think I'm disabled? Nope. I'm different, but isnt everyone? I'm neurodiverse and im proud of that. Can you still achieve? Yup.

I've said it a few times on here and again, my own personal experience and it isnt the same for everyone. But provide scaffolding.

Your son has superpowers.

Believe.

[Nanchli in reply to EJ_C]

THANK YOU 😇😊