Impulsive stealing

[rosesrojo]

My 8 year old son has almost anything he wants and reasonable chores that he can do to make money. But he takes pens from others and money from his classmates just because he wants it. We have run out of ideas on how to help him. This is so frustrating. He is starting to have really bad self-esteem issues now too.

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for your post. There are a number of previous post from members of the group on the site. Most children with ADHD have symptoms that they need help controling and unfortunately stealing is one of them.

The Tools that help are: Thearpy ( to discuss their actions and the consequences from them), medication (which help decrease the impulsive behavior- like stealing) and an educational plan to help deal with not only the academics, but the social emotional side.

This is a long journey and I know of no quick solution. Children don't want to do bad things, but they lack the skills to stop themselves..

Wishing you find solutions to help deal with this challenging behavior.

We are always here to support you.

[123adhd]

sorry to hear your going threw this!

My 5 year old went threw this during pre school. Coming home with a truck load of random goodies he found in the class. I tried sitting down with him and chatting why this is wrong etc (which I’m sure you’ve already done). One of the thing I started at this age was clubs - karate (for learning displine and control) and swimming. These clubs really helped my son and it just so happens that they he stopped stealing round about this time. Maybe it’s just a coincidence but perhaps it’s because he had an outlet for him energy and manage his need to be impulsive. I read an article that having adhd is like having an internal itch - perhaps like an underlying anxiety? Maybe these compulsion to steal is your sons way of coping with this “internal itch”? I know it’s hard not to worry, but it is very common with adhd. You wouldn’t believe the things my son would come home with! And to say I was red faced when returning them to the school was an understatement haha!!

[2Gatos]

I hear you!!!We have the same exact issue in our house! We’ve had family meetings about impulse control, payback plans ( extra chores etc) sorry letters. We’ve not solved the issue but have been trying to take in more “good kid having a hard time” lessons from Dr. Becky (she has a book out too) it has at the very least helped me and my partner be more patient and understanding and us helped the family dynamic.

[Hidden]

He is 8 so he might be able to start to understand this more for himself if you chat about it with him. I think the misconception you have that stealing is because someone doesn’t have something, lack something. Here it looks like he is doing it because he ‘can’ and because there are no consequences that matter to him (for example you say he has everything he wants anyway and also he still gets his pocket money?). I’d guess he is a very intelligent kid and he is testing boundaries, he is slightly bored etc, also he probably thinks- well, I do it, yet I still get my pocket money anyway. Maybe he likes the feeling of ‘power’ when taking things from other people? This could be worked through with the therapist? Or you could try the conservative strategy- show him the prison and people in prison (let’s say on a photo on internet) and tell that people who steal get eventually caught by the police and end up in prison. You could even bluff that you are taking him to the police station? This is a very conservative approach though. I suppose the therapist would work with him on many different levels and make him understand etc and stop doing it not because he’s scared of consequences but because he would gain some empathy for people who he takes things away from?