dealing with siblings

[evgeniya1989]

How do you deal with siblings who are around their brother or sister with adhd? I mean every day they are getting disturbed, see tantrums, aggresive behavior etc.??

[Creativemama3]

I'd love to hear responses to this. I often feel like my daughter with ADHD bullys her siblings (and her sisters would say the same). It breaks my heart because they shouldn't have to walk on egg shells & worry about being physically or mentally hurt by their sister.

[Imakecutebabies]

Following as well. My middle child seems slightly traumatized by what he has gone through at the hands of my eldest who has ADHD. We try to provide positive reinforcement for any positive interactions between the two but they're hard to find.

[Bingo3000]

I, like the others, would love to hear a good response to your question. My son’s (9) melt downs, our arguments with him, and his bullying, are definitely adversity affecting his sister (6) and it breaks my heart. I wish I could give some advice, but can only say you’re not alone.

[Sp8graphics]

I would like to know how to deal with this also. We go through this everyday. Basically our Non ADHD (6) child has turned into a ADHD child because he admires his brother (8) so much. Im not sure how he admires him so much when he gets hit, scratched, etc... We are at a loss on how to deal with it. It is unfortunate for our middle child. Wish I could help but it seems a lot of people need help in this department and nobody has any advice. Good luck everyone.

[Hidden]

Yes we have the same- the younger child who doesn’t have ADHD has to see these scenes of shouting and him rolling on the floor and shouting ‘I am not doing my homework.’ He did say the other day that when we have all the shouting at home he gets a tummy ache (from stress?). So now I am revisiting also my responses and my anger issues and how I am dealing with the situations with the ADHD child- to make it more pleasant home environment for the non ADHD child.

Luckily my sons get on well with each other and they like playing together (football etc). Also we tell the younger that the older has ADHD and his brain makes him act like this. Younger one knows as well how to defend himself- he will punch back or move himself away from a situation. And they truly love each other- so let’s say ADHD child after a tantrum will ask the younger one ‘I am upset, can you give me a cuddle’. And the younger does give him a hug and sort of emotional support. I also recently bought them a weighted blanket because supposedly it is ‘therapeutic- calming’. Sometimes after school they sit on a sofa under this blanket and read etc. Maybe it is calming?

What we do to make it more bearable for the younger son - he has lots of after school clubs and he is in a local football team and he has mates there and he has play days (so he hangs out with the kids who don’t have problems). Just making sure that he has his own group of mates and his own social life. He also does sleep overs - has his friends over at our house for a night. We then make sure we don’t ask the older one to do anything (like no demand to do homework or anything so he doesn’t have opportunity to shout and make scenes). So basically we then make sure that there is no unpleasant situation in the house whilst we have those other kids over at our house.

[momwifedaughtersis]

I worry about this too (older ADHD 10yo son impact on younger 6yo son). It’s so much easier said than done, but we try to keep boundaries on things like, “if you need to make that noise/rage/tantrum you can do that in your room, we don’t allow it here.” I try to model empathy for my younger, like “Big Bro has very big feelings and it’s harder for him to ‘go with the flow’ than it is for other kids. Everyone has different things that are easy for them and hard for them.” My younger son will sometimes mention classmates who he doesn’t like because they are aggressive, and I try to emphasize “Kids who are behaving badly are not bad kids - There’s something going on with them and we should try to be kind.” (Which does not mean offering yourself as a punching bag of course!)

One classic therapist recommendation is “special time” for all kids, apparently even in very small doses could be helpful to strengthen the bond with your non-adhd child, and help them to cope with challenges in other times. Like 5 minutes a day, or 20 min on Saturdays or whatever, where the parent focuses 100% on them and what they want to do.

I really like reading parenting expert Meghan Leahy in the Washington Post. She takes questions for her column and biweekly chat. You could write in and maybe she’ll answer!

[MommaofandwithADHD]

ours is opposite. Older non ADHD child getting bullied by his 6yr old sister and starting to act out like she does. All we can do is remind him that he is older and knows better and we are trying everything that we can to get her on an even keel shall we say so that she can stop doing what she does, at least so often and just be a kid. But it is hard on him, he wants to strike back if she strikes first, sometimes he preemptively strikes first knowing it is coming. They often get into a fight with words, before it escalates to the physical. I have a hard time disciplining him because I know she started it and he is tired of it as we all are. If anyone has any suggestions I am sure we are all open to them.