6yr old, ADHD and aggression

[MommaofandwithADHD]

today she broke me. Didn’t want to get in the car to go do grocery pickup and ran out the house straight for the road. She stopped about 20 feet away from a busy roadway. I begged, pleaded and all she could tell me is she wanted the cars to kill her, she wanted to die. She is 6. I finally got between her and the road and as I was going one way she double backed straight for the road. Told me to take the car and kill her, she wanted to die. Her brother (9) was finally able to talk her into the car and they read a book together on the way to the store. I cried. I am scared for my baby girl. What happens if we can’t get these crazy thoughts out her mind as she grows older, I don’t think I could handle the consequences. The Dr’s won’t listen, and the wait to see someone else is so long.. I hate that she feels and thinks this way.

[BVBV]

Can I ask if your daughter is medicated? My son became obsessed with death and dying on stimulant medications. We were in such a fog for two years of trying different medications but it became apparent that he was not himself. All this went away when we pulled him off. I know everyone’s experience is vastly different but that was one of the side effects he struggled with. He’s now on a non-stimulant without issues so far. Also, continue to let her know how much you love and care for her, especially in the morning, after school, and before bedtime. Try to have her “help” you at home as much as possible. Little chores, helping to make a meal, I’ve found that enabling my son to do everyday mundane things on his own gives him a super boost of confidence, positive self reflection, and he becomes much happier .

[MommaofandwithADHD in reply to BVBV]

yes, she has been on adderall since she was 3. She was asked to leave 3 daycares by that time for her aggressive behaviors so we had to do something. They started with Ritalin but she was so mean, switched to adderall and has been controllable. At least at school and aftercare. Home has been a different story.

[Poppy234 in reply to MommaofandwithADHD]

Children with adhd are emotionally younger. My daughter couldn’t do preschool at 3 either. By 6 she was managing school and masking. You could try having a break from meds. This sounds so extreme I feel for her and you.

[SecretAgentIEP in reply to MommaofandwithADHD]

My doctor initially would not recommend it, but Guanfacine as a nonstimulant was part of our solution. 7 year old son takes 2 mg ER, one in am and one at night with 20 mg vyvanse ER in am. Def. change meds and try to get an online doctor if in person not available. Rest, and get help for yourself too!

[Prayer_Works]

My first question would be is your daughter on medication because some stimulants can be the cause of suicidal thoughts.

[Imakecutebabies]

You could consider trying a non-stimulant. My son's psychologist recommended one for him saying it would actually help more with his aggressive behaviors than a stimulant, and with fewer side effects.

[MommaofandwithADHD]

I am definitely wanting to switch her medicine and have wanted to try a different one for a while. She does take the guafacine in addition to the adderall. Her Dr is only concerned with her behavior at school and after care and swears it is a discipline problem at home.

[spookyscaryskeletons in reply to MommaofandwithADHD]

It sounds like your doctor doesn't have a true understanding of ADHD if he thinks it only impacts school and daycare activities. We all know that the symptoms don't just magically disappear at home. I know that has to be so frustrating! I hope that you can find a new doctor soon and know that we are all here to listen and share words of encouragement. You are not alone. <3

[yogimomi]

Mamma I totally understand you - it is so hard to hear those words from such a little person. My daughter also had been saying things like that, it's really scary (she's also 6). We have found that Guanfacine has been helpful without the stimulant medication. She has tried Adderall, Vyvanse, and Methylphenidate. All with similar problems. I have found that dialing in the Guanfacine is what has helped the most for her - she takes 2mg ER at 4:00pm each day. It helps her sleep (which was always an issue) and wakes up in a good mood. She masks at school all day but is even in a more agreeable mood after school now that we've adjusted the timing of it.

We now use ADHDonline for her treatment and care. No waitlist, and her prescriptions are put through to the pharmacy same day - we always struggled with back and forth with her regularly PCP so would often go weeks without medication. When kids struggle this much without it, it's detrimental.

Best of luck to you!

[MJDMom]

My son was feeling those same thoughts at 6 on the stimulant. His physician took him off immediately and when we started with psychiatrist they would not even try stimulants again. Your daughters doctor is being too passive and because she is having suicidal thoughts and is attempting to hurt herself this is a serious concern you need help ASAP. This is a national number you can call to get help in your area. 988lifeline.org/

You can reach out to a local children’s hospital and tell them the situation and they have psychiatrists at the hospital. Another idea is they could connect her with a telehealth visit with a doctor that would be farther away. I am keeping your daughter in my prayers. I hope she gets help soon. The primary doctor is not doing their job well here. This is an immediate need to be addressed and any other professional will treat it that way. Shame on the doctor for blaming your parenting.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking moment. I came across this suicide ideation recently in the past month with my 5yo and it is terrifying. My tot is so challenging for me and I definitely have my share of ugly parenting in coping with her dysregulation and my own. I felt guilty that her life experience of having a hard time and being met with yelling and even hitting (not abusive but none the less not okay like strong arm grabbing or punching) is making her feel unhappy and unwelcome to be here. This is my case personally and I don't know what challenges you have as a parent and her a child. I intended on lining up a therapist for her and buckled down on my connection and parenting with more gentleness and compassion. I focused on letting her know she's loved and accepted as she is, including the challenges we have for her impulses in hitting, grabbing and fixations. Thankfully we were able to re-establish our connection and she seems to have moved through those feelings and thoughts. I ended up never connecting her with a therapist but still have that in the pocket should we come across another deep patch of emotions that lead to suicide ideation again. I'm so sorry to hear because I know how much guilt and fear I experienced hearing my kid say, "I don't wanna be here. I just wanna die and go to heaven." Hang tough mama and see if you can hang gently with even more compassion, patience and connection. She's crying on the inside for love and presence. Good luck!

[MommaofandwithADHD]

So this scenario replayed 2 more times in the last month. A little more on the back story and journey we have had with her "specialist" They were stuck on, "she is find in school, you need to parent better at home". We haven't gone on vacation since she was 2 1/2, eaten at any restaurants unless we are in a huge FAMILY group, and we can't go see the few friends we have left with her. One of the set of grandparents refuses watch her if needed and a baby sitter is out of the question. I asked the "specialist" for 3 years for a referral to be evaluated for sensory issues, and also ABA therapies, insurance won't cover it unless we are referred. I wanted to get all this started and well underway if she needed it before she started school. Needless to say I was ignored and told to watch super nanny, so at age 6, these places let you pay out of pocket for the assessments. We have had to pay for the assessments for OT so far to prove that she needed it and once I showed her the report we were finally able to get a referral from her so that her insurance would cover it. After the 3rd running in the road and wanting to die episode we finally got referred to a child psychiatrist but no appointment available until December.

Well someone heard my cries. We have had some exciting things happen over the last few days. We got called on Tuesday and was given 45 minutes to grab her and get to the psychiatrists office, they had a late cancellation. Needless to say we broke speed laws but we got there in time. After asking us what was going on, as he didn't have a whole lot of time to go over her file, and talking to her and hearing about how we were treated by the other "specialist" he offered some real solutions. Willing to change her medication to see what gets the best all around result for her so that we can all have a life. The other Dr pretty much had us as prisoners in our own homes. By just catering to school and nothing else, one of us had to stay home with her while the other went with the other family members to important events. One of us has missed graduations of different family members, etc. That is no way to live.

She used to tell us that this is as good as it gets, well I never believed it and I finally have hope. We are not there yet, but I am hopeful that we will find the best medications and therapies to enable our family to function "normally" again. At least we found someone that will listen and give real solutions instead of all the negativity that the other one was spewing. Fight for your kids, I don't believe that the chaos that is most of our current lives is "as good as it gets"