My 5 year old son has almost all the symptoms of ADHD

[lin_z]

Hello everyone, I'm glad I find this community where I can share my story and maybe get some useful info on what I should do next...

So my son has been extra difficult since he was born. I have been hoping that he will grow out of those symptoms but now I think it may be time to get some help. The thing that has been giving us the hardest time is his impatience and poor tolerance of frustrations. I still remember when I taught him how to put his jacket and socks on last summer. We tried 3-4 times, each time lasting about 30 mins, and each time was a torture for both me and him. When he met some difficulties, no matter how small it is, say his toes stuck in the middle of instep, he will try his way 1 to 2 times, say pull harder, and if it does not work-time to scream and cry. You tell him that it is OK and we can just stop and see what's the problem and then how we can solve this problem, etc, but nothing works. Until now, he cannot button himself up, does not know how to tie his shoe, cannot open snack bags cause each time he meets any difficulties, after 1-2 tries, he starts to get anxious and impatient and then scream and tears so it is quite hard for him to work this through and actually solve the problem.

This peaked when he was 3-4 years old and any small everyday activity could be very hard and dramatic at that time. Say he wants to get into the car and there are some cushion on the floor blocking the way-he's gonna get anxious and angry and try to through that out. It never occured to him that he can just pick it up and put it on the backseat.

Waiting and taking turns is a challenge, too. He wants to be first on everything no matter how many times you told him that it is no big deal who gets to do it first. For example, when getting home from school, I unlocked the door, and then before I stepped into house, he had to slip under my arms and go in first. It is hard for him to stay in the line and it is hard for him to wait in the restaurant for his food to be ready, etc. This gets better now after days of days of telling him to take turns and calm down, etc.

His attention span is so short and he is very curious so it is sometimes hard for him to follow instructions. He's become a kindergartener for only 2 weeks now and the teacher already told me that he needs to work on his listening skills. He's the kind of boy who is going to touch everything at the store and won't be listening or cannot control himself even though you tell him only observe, no touching. Believe me, it is not because I let him.

He is never organized and every morning you need to tell him what to do other than eat. Put everything into his bag, put on his shorts, put on his shoes, take his bag and snack bag into the car, all of these things. Yes-he will forget to take his bag to school if you don't tell him to, every morning. He never remember organize anything or clean up anything unless you nag him into doing it, no matter how many times you tell him that you to do it everyday and how many times you teach him how to do it.

It is like he will never be able to take care of himself. Fall is coming and I have already started to worry about how I can teach him how to put on his jacket this year...he is in elementary school now and I guess the teacher won't put it on him anymore...It is like he will never have a clue on what he needs to do - prepare things before school, organize his stuff, clean up after himself, etc. It is definitely hard for him to learn to sit still at school, follow instructions of the teacher, listen to the teacher and not get distracted all the time...

However, he is so sweet, loving and funny. Everytime I did something nice for him or did not blame him or scold him when he did something bad (for example, he ruined at least 10 of my lipsticks so far--has to play with them when he found one...), he will hug my neck and kiss on my cheek and tell me 'thank you mommy for being so nice to me! I love you forever!' He truly cares about each family members and he tries to make new friends and be as nice and patient as he can. I can tell that by how many times I see him sucking his hand and tries to control his emotions. Yes-he is 5 and he is still doing that now. He is also so talkative and smart! He loves to talk so much, especially to adults so I know everytime I pick him up from either school, or Sunday school or afterschool programs, teacher will tell me that he is the energetic bunny of the class and he is so smart and he talks so well!

I used to be afraid of the word ADHD before cause I don't want my little one to get a label. He is now not diagnosed by any doctor. I think it might be better for him to get some help if he really needs some than avoiding this issue.

[Trying1978]

Definitely go to the doctor or a behavioral person at your pediatrician. The assessment they do will take some time & involve you, your partner, if that's the case, and his teacher. If the Dr/therapist is good, none of this is immediate, which is also good because it means it's actually getting figured out. We went from an initial visit in September 2021 to trying some strategies (no meds) to, finally, diagnosis + meds + more accurate behavioral strategies in February 2022. (This is in the US,, in PA, btw.)

[Onedayatatime22]

My son is the same way. He turns 5 on September 7th. He recently started preschool and my anxiety about how he may act in school is is high!! I have been working with a few different people for almost a year now and still no definite answers but I was just told to consider making an appointment with a child neurologist so that’s my next step. I have already worked with pediatrician/child counselor/therapist/psychiatrist. Maybe they don’t have ADHD and we have to keep looking for answers? All I can say is there is hope, it just takes time and also follow your gut feeling and do what you know is best for your child. Love and blessings ♥️

[eva2022]

Thank you so much for sharing! Sometimes it’s hard to even describe WHY it feels so hard to parent your child…your descriptions were so familiar to me that they could have been used to describe my own son. I understand what it feels like to struggle with the socks and shoes. It was so bad at our house that we ended up hiring an OT to teach our son how to get dressed and put on shoes. And…two years later, he can mostly do it. (Ha!) I’m hindsight, I wish that I had just given up earlier and continued to help my son get dressed until he was ready to do so for himself…even if it meant a few more years of helping him. Someone else on this site told me, “Children will do well IF THEY CAN.” Sometimes our kids just aren’t ready! But I know that by 18, our children will be able to dress themselves! (A joke that I tell myself when I’m feeling frustrated.) I too was worried about the label of ADHD, but honestly there is so much good being written and talked about the 20% of people who have ADHD that it has changed the way that I see my child. I truly do think that he has a superpower now that will only help him with the hard stuff in the future. Did you know that Michael Phelps has ADHD? Simone Biles? Jim Carrey? All of these people are AMAZING, and it is BECAUSE of their ADHD, not in spite of it. HOWEVER-when you are hearing from your teacher, frustrated to say the same thing for the millionth time, ect-it feels different. I recently payed how low I was feeling to get a call from the school about his behavior at school. It’s super hard. But our kids are so loving and sweet that many, many teachers have told me that it is worth the extra effort that they make in the classroom with my child because he has a special place in their hearts. You seeking out help and support for your son will only do one thing: help him. Let go of what others think and parent the child you have right in front of you. He is an amazing one, and when he is big, he will tel you just how amazing you are to have loved him just the way that is is.

[lin_z in reply to eva2022]

Thank you so much! Last week was a busy and stressful one and I just saw your words and they made me shed some tears-it is great to feel that someone really understand... I do see that many of the issues is getting better through time so yes-they will be better and better and yours and mine little one will eventually learn to take care of themselves well! I could not agree more that they will do well if they CAN. I would say it is a great challenge to parents, too, to try to help them, not lose hope and patience every single day so I truly admire your optimism and I will try to do the same!