Seeking Coaching Advice

[LoveTheWild]

I have two girls who have ADHD. One has been officially diagnosed the other has not. They each have their own individual struggles. Where we live we seem to be in this black hole that lacks ADHD support or help.

For months I have been searching all the ADHD databases (CHADD, ADDA, ADHD Coaching, Psychology, etc), talking to dr.'s, contacting people, etc., to no avail. We can't find anyone covered by our insurance that is allowed to do therapy in our state, Idaho, that specializes in ADHD. I even talked to a local nurse who is having the same problem and has been looking longer than we have. We've managed to find a few who online said they specialized in it but when contacted only worked on medication management and not developing life skills. What they need is someone to help them develop the strategies for everyday life. There are not even any local support groups.

The issue we are running into is that it seems as though coaches are not covered by insurance, and average about $600/month. Some of them charge this and only meet 2 sessions/month. When you have two kids that need help that means coming up with an extra $1200/month. And like for many families, that is not doable for us. Coming up with the $600/month would be a struggle. I've talked to my insurance at length about how to get it covered but it's a long process of meeting the deductibles, paying everything up front, submitting, and then getting a portion of the money back. Still out of budget.

It's heartbreaking to watch your kids struggle, know that you don't have the skillset to help them, discover no one locally can help them, and find out the last option left is unaffordable to so many including us.

On top of that, I am feeling the frustration of several people telling me, "Oh, but it's worth it." from various forums. It feels flippant and a bit out of touch. I don't doubt that it's worth it. I don't doubt that many coaches are worth the money they are charging. I'm happy for those that can afford to come up with that much extra money each month, but coaching seems like one of those things that the wealthy can afford but the middle class or poor are left struggling and can't get the help they need.

I'm not intending for this to come out angry. It's frustration. Frustration and a feeling of defeat that has me near tears almost every day as I watch my kids struggle. I'm reading everything I can and trying to help as much as I can, but I'm not trained in this, no one in our area is. And the only option for help is unaffordable. It has me sobbing in the shower many nights as I struggle to come up with a solution after countless hours every week researching and coming up with nothing.

So, after that long explanation; I'm looking for some advice. Any ideas on how to get my kiddos the help they need in an affordable way. Any coaches you may have had experience with that are good. Any other ideas of where to look.

I need some hope because at this point I'm exhausted, I feel helpless because the only thing I can do is keep reading and hope I'm doing a good enough job and I'm not sure that I am.

Thank you

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for joining the group and posting your message, there is always someone that we help and someone we learn from.

A few thoughts..

We have a 15 year old and he has never had an ADHD coach. We have given him 3 tools that have helped him tremendously!

1. An educational plan ( which takes a lot of work) but really helps him.

2. Medication- he has a child psychiatrist to help manage what type, dose and the timing. This helps him decrease his impulsive behavior and be able to focus in school. Of course it doesn't cure all, but we were told 60% of symptoms can be helps. The rest is good parenting, clear consequences to actions and behavior modification.

3. Thearpy we have has one thearpist who specialized in ADHD and recently switched to a second that does not. Both have helped us when we struggle ( we see him together). If you have to do virtual, see how it goes.

As far as having life together.. that will come with maturity and experience. He wants to go to college and so I feel like what we don't teach him... he will learn quickly later when we are not around.

If I were in your shoes, I would start setting each "tool" up and keep moving forward. It takes a while to feel like things are helping.

Hope some of this advice helps. When we had all 3 tools in shape things got so much better for us. Our son also does sports so that motivation helps alot.

Take care,

[ASLCODATerp]

I know what you mean. It is very hard to find the resources our kids need. We are finding that now. Trying to find a good Occupational Therapy clinic to no avail. We used to live in Salt Lake and they have an awesome clinic for kids’ OT at University of Utah. I had both my girls going until we moved out to Maryland. I am desperate for something like that. Have you looked at Occupational Therapy? Insurance covered that for us. Maybe yours does too?

[SanityCoaching]

I may be able to help. I sent you a private message.

[Mom3L]

Hi! I am sorry to hear about your struggles I totally agree with you regarding ADHD coaching-there are hardly any where we live either. For us medication and now a therapist that my girl actually like have been the greatest help. She has seen 3 different therapists before we finally found one that works for us. The therapist is not specialized in ADHD but helps with the anxiety, lower anxiety =easier to make good decisions and work on life skills. What I guess I am saying is that if you can find a good therapist it will be a good help even though it’s not an ADHD Coach.

[ADHDgifts]

I'm right there with you and am so sorry. I'm taking matters into my own hands and am reading every last book, blog, article that I can and am taking notes. I'm going to ask the school for an IEP instead of a 504 plan as it is ineffective. (((hugs))) to all I know this is not easy.

[BlueCherries]

I feel the same. Not just frustrated and feeling the weight of inequality everywhere. I do the same as you and the others - read everything I can and try to help my child but I feel it is not good enough. I am glad to hear about occupational therapy and will try that route.