Help please!

[Tired111]

Hi new the group I'm desperate for help. I have 2 sons 12 & 10 who because poor life choices in my past they live with my mom and stepdad, I'm remarried now also have 2 stepchildren 9 & 8 whose mother past away last July from an overdose. My life is COMPLETE UNCOMFORTABLE CHAOS!! My oldest son and only bonus daughter plus husband are diagnosed ADHD, but I truly believe we all are. My oldest son isnt so much as hyper as he does struggle to pay attention and remember anything, he lives down the street I'm very much involved in all their lives, my boys will not get off the video games that's their WHOLE lives. My 2 youngest at my home aren't allowed to have games. My 12yo struggles with EVERYTHING he seriously lacks and good self esteem and constantly puts himself down to point he already convinced himself he will fail before he ever tries. My 10 year old is not diagnosed with ADHD and does very well in school but when he gets off the games he doesn't sit still puts himself in EVERYBODYS business starts fights and is very very VERY disrespectful to my mom my stepdad me my husband basically any adult. Back talks refuses do what's asked threatens to call the law all the time. My only bonus daughter diagnosed ADHD last year I Don't feel she's on the right medicine, her teacher keeps implying that I don't help her at home even put it on her iep. She lies she starts fights she very manipulative (like adult criminal level stuff)she will start physical fights,I believe she is bullying people in school as well. Hours on hours to do homeworks and study and she always bring home fs doesn't matter how we'll she knows. She will not help around the house without me completely coming undone and losing my mind. She argues about EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING she is so DISRESPECTFUL to EVERYONE she dont care about anything. My house is constantly dirty like disgusting and I work my ass to clean our home everyday. The youngest 8 he's the same don't care about crap do care how much back backing work somebody did to buy him his really nice toy cars tears everything up doesn't clean up won't clean up! LAZY LAZY LAZY always telling on his sister for whatever he can make up argues with EVERY ADULT about everything it's embarrassing we can't go any where together as family and have fun we can't spend ENJOYABLE time together at ALL!! My oldest boys won't even try my youngest and so rude and nasty nobody wants to invite us anywhere. MY LIFE IS NOT MINE! I AM COMPLETELY LOST. I really truly believe I'm adhd too but undiagnosed NO MATTER HOW BAD I want a regular daily routine I can't stick to it myself to make them. I struggled so bad in school my councilor the day I dropped out at 16 told me and my s tepdad some people just ain't meant for school! Please help advice direction I just want a non hostile environment to live and be able to spend time with my family and enjoy each others company. Please please please

[Tired111]

Ps I also left a very good job because my home life is so stressful I can't function anymore

[bear240]

Hi Tired111First I'm sorry life is very difficult for you but I would like to offer you hope that it can be so much better.

If possible I suggest you look for some professional support for yourself. You need to care for yourself first .

As far as the kids are concerned I suggest you check out some online resources (there is a lot of great information out there). I found CHADD, ADDitude, Impact Parents and Child Mind Institute terrific resources. Books by Ned Hollowell and Russell Barkley also.

Exercise is super important on a daily basis too. Finding what kids like and make it routine.

Kids aren't trying to make our lives difficult there are reasons they behave the way they do and when you learn about the reasons you can help them making life so much easier for both the kids and you.

I live in Australia so our education and health systems are different. Others on this site will be able to advise you how to navigate these areas.

Best of luck.

Others on this site

[LiveByFaith]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with so much chaos & stress with the children/ADHD. I took ALL electronics away from my son who has ADHD and was “screen addicted” and he threw a major fit/outburst, but eventually he accepted it & it changed things for the better…. not perfect but soooo much better!!!! I took the tv out of the house, took away all devices ( phone, computer, iPad you name it). Kids with ADHD almost always develop screen addiction & it messes up their brains. Screen addiction is real, it affects the brain the exact same way as drugs or any other addiction ( gambling, porn, alcohol etc). Check out this book if you want to read more about screen addiction.

Try taking ALL electronics/screens away and you’ll see. You aren’t taking it away as a punishment, but because you love the kids and want to help them, and help you.

The goal is to get the kids off electronics ( their “drug”) that messes up their brains, causes aggression, and leads to problems at home & school. Hope is to get the kids doing something that is healthy for them instead… going outside, playing with friends, learning how to help around the house, maybe reading an actual book..

I hope this helps you & your family.

💜

Book cover, book is called “Glow Kids”, it’s about kids and screen/tech addiction

[Mama808]

(((Hugs))) first self LOVE YOUSELF. Take care of you first that's what I learned. I do therapy "twice" a week to constantly learn ways to help, implement ways to put into action to help & support my ADHD child. IT IS A DAILY COMMITMENT which I find exhausting on most days. But I get up the next day and we do it over again! God bless

[wonders2]

I think you need to start by taking care of yourself so that you can help your kids. You need to get a diagnosis for adhd for yourself and start taking a nonstimulant adhd, it’s nonaddicting. This should help you with focus so that you can help your kids focus on tasks at home and track their homework better. I have found that kids that do bad in school is because they are struggling with learning. Adhd makes it hard to learn. Don’t give up. If your daughter is still aggressive and struggling at school then she is on the wrong adhd med. My 8yr old has adhd and he was aggressive too and struggled with learning. I got him on guanfacine 3mg and on sertraline to help reduce his anxiety and he is doing so well!! I also got him in tutoring to get him caught up with his grade level and now that he is getting the work at school he has a positive attitude. Tutoring is not cheap but you can ask the school for volunteer tutors or after school assistance from teachers. I bought prodigy math for my so since it’s math learning with gaming involved and he loves it!! If any of them are struggling with math it’s worth a try it’s online. I think your kids might also have underlying behavior issues that can stem from past family issues and instability. Your kids need family therapy to help them communicate their feelings properly and heal any sort of resentments they may have. I don’t know your full situation but I have faith that you can get your family’s challenges straightened out. Try not to yell your head off because they will imitate you when they get upset too. I had a behavior therapist work with my older son with adhd and it helped a lot!! He learned to communicate his frustrations in a civilized way, self-regulate, stop aggression, and improved problem solving with other kids. If you want your kids to stop yelling then you have to be the example. You can discipline them without yelling. Tell them in a calm but firm voice, “I’m taking your gaming device (Nintendo switch, xbox) away for the day since you didn’t do what I asked you to do. Tomorrow is a new day and you can make better choices tomorrow. God bless you all and hope things get better sooner than later.