Introduction

[Academic_Mom]

Hello! I'm new here, and new to this journey. My 6-year-old has recently been diagnosed with combined type ADHD and ODD, and I am struggling to balance my professional life and home life. It's super isolating (as I'm sure you all here know so well), and I am just so grateful to have found this community. I'm new to the journey of helping her manage these diagnosis, so any advice is welcome! How do you help your kiddos regulate themselves at home?

[N_37]

I am feeling this - sometimes I just get so upset and so exhausted I don't know what to do. Every time the school has to flip to remote I get a little PTSD from all year and a half of trying to juggle a full time job and remote school - and when your kid has ADHD it's rough. The emotional outbursts are ... insane. And then I get upset and keeping my cool is getting hard and harder. I am also a stepmom, so it's double isolating for me. You have good people here, we're glad to have you !

[Academic_Mom in reply to N_37]

Yes!! It's just so much. Thank you for replying: it's good to know we are in this together.

[MeadowLane5]

Welcome-I too have a child age 11 with adhd/odd. I’m beyond exhausted and it’s definitely isolating. Friends and family who don’t have experience with this simply can’t understand how intense and difficult this is. I find peace in having a small group that I can confide in. This community has been helpful as well. You are not alone and it’s a great place to share our experiences.

[Academic_Mom in reply to MeadowLane5]

Thank you. A small group of good friends sounds like a good place to start. We moved for my job in the middle of the pandemic, so we are still building those ties, but yes. It's good to know we aren't alone!

[MeadowLane5 in reply to Academic_Mom]

I’m here anytime you need to talk.We have 2 kids with ieps. Our eldest currently in high school has autism and has blown us away with her progress. We had some tough days earlier on. Our other daughter with adhd/ odd is still struggling and it’s really hard. She’s currently in 6 th and I’m not sure if she should stay in her current school or go to spec ed school. So bright but still defiant and has a hard time doing things they she considers boring🤯. It’s always her attitude that gets her in trouble. We have done all that is recommended .. you name it we did it and are still doing and still extremely draining situation. She excelled in remote learning and sometimes I wonder if that is a tree option for her.

[Aspen797]

Welcome to the board! It can feel like you are the only one going through this, but you most definitely are not. Have you contacted your local parent resource center? Every state has a federally funded parent resource center designed to help connect parents of children with unique needs with the resources they need. They also provide information about rights and procedures regarding education. You can find yours here: parentcenterhub.org/find-yo....

At that age what helped us the most for us was moving to positive parenting. We (parents, not child) did regular check ins with a behaviorist/psychologist for guidance on implementation and problem solving. Moving from consequences to positive contingencies was huge (first you do this, then you get that) as was relying on written schedules/ routines instead of nagging and planned ignoring/walking away/not feeding attention to back talk.

Another thing that helped was lining up speech and OT evaluations. Sometimes things may be amiss and we don’t realize it—sensory stuff, pragmatic language, etc. These untreated conditions can cause anxiety and manifest as defiance. Worth a shot if a treatment can be had.

Lastly, we looked into medications. There are stimulant and non-stimulant medications for ADD. We found a mix of two works best for our son. Having a well regarded and experienced psychiatrist is key. Pediatricians do not have the same level of experience.

Again—welcome! You’ll find this a very kind and knowledgeable community.

[Academic_Mom in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you so much for sharing these strategies! We are working on the positive parenting on our own, but I hadn't even considered having a therapist to check in on that (my husband and I each have regular therapy individually, but this is a new and wonderful idea). And yes, it's for sure time to find a psychiatrist for the team to round out the pediatrician and child psychologist we've seen.

Thank you again for sharing. Your post helps me feel less alone!

[HoldingonLou]

I have shed so many tears this year with this remote learning stuff and our kids' challenges. I don't know what to say except I'm here. At this point, I just don't feel like I have any valid advice.

[Super_Mom]

I felt every word. I have a 9 year old who got diagnosed at the age of 6. I hardly know what I’m doing, most of the time I feel like I’m not doing nothing. I’m in overdrive all day , my brain and body is programmed to be on him all day everyday. Constantly checking up , paranoid because he doesn’t fit in this world because society truly doesn’t understand ADHD is real. But I’m hopeful that all the hard work I do rather I know what I’m doing or not, I know my hard work will pay off. They say you have to take care of yourself to take care of them, I still haven’t done that part of the job , but I know I will have to soon.

[Academic_Mom in reply to Super_Mom]

YES. I am feeling that in a big way. Trying to make some intentional plans for the coming year about how I can meet her needs AND my own, but it's so, so hard.