How do I get my boys to understand their brothers

[taymomof5boys]

I have a 11 year old boy with bipolar there and at Six-year-old with AHD Sometimes this dress is so bad that I don't know what to do they fight all the time and with a time

[electriccampingcar]

Hi momma! First of all, parenting both ADHD and BPD is HARD, but you’re doing it! The fact that you’re here in this support group is an act of love and tells me that you care deeply about your kids. My boys also fight with one another and it is exhausting! For most disagreements, I like to keep my distance (within earshot) and let them work out their own conflicts for the most part. We teach them to identify their feelings, express those feelings in acceptable ways, use words to communicate those feelings to others and ask their bodies “What does this feeling need?” if that makes sense. This works about 80% of the time, but when it descends into screaming and violence, I have to step in and physically separate them. Both their dad and I have diagnosed ADHD, so we often have trouble with our own emotional regulation, especially when the screaming overstimulates us. So when I get frustrated and yell, I try to model the behavior that I want to see in the boys. I’ll say out loud “I am feeling very frustrated and upset right now, but it’s not okay to yell at you so I’m going to do some jumping jacks for my anger and then take some breaths and listen to a song to calm down.” After I started deliberately narrating those emotional situations, my oldest disappeared into his room to do jumping jacks the next time he was angry and frustrated. I was so proud of him! He doesn’t always do it, but it’s a nice tool for his toolbox if he wants to. Good luck, momma! You’ve got this!!! ❤️

[anirush]

I have two teenaged grandsons. The older one is pretty stable on medication and is even in a collegiate program. The younger one has had problems his whole life with anger, making a scene. etc. Sometimes the boys get along ok but other times the older one gets so embarrassed and frustrated by his brother's behavior. This past Halloween is one of the best holidays we have had, no tantrums. But is taken lots of med changes and counseling to get here.