Young kids saying they want to die?? - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

14,652 members4,606 posts

Young kids saying they want to die??

greenteamilk profile image

Hi everyone—

Pretty recently, my son (6), during an outburst said something to the effect of “I wish I could drown” while in the bathtub and this was part of a huge outburst.

The outburst was brought on by a boundary being set that he did not like, such as needing to go to bed.

This is a newer trait and he did not learn anything about the idea of suicide from any one of us, but he seems to weaponize the idea of dying when he is mad. Needless to say, I was so shocked and broke down.

Does anyone else’s kid do this? Honestly, I feel so ashamed that it has come to this level and it is so isolating.

(My son is currently in behavioral therapy and on guanfacine. he will soon be trying methylphenidate instead, as guanfacine did not work and had adverse side effects.)

20 Replies

My 7 year old son does this also. He’ll say things like I wish I wasn’t here or I wish I was dead. He’s said he wishes his brother was dead before too (he was mad at him at the time). I have a really hard time hearing things like that come out of his mouth. I don’t have any advice, just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

The torture of hearing your small child say they want to die, that they will kill themselves. It's a shock to your system. At least, it was for me when I first heard it. You're not alone. My son did not do well on guanfacine. He became very lethargic, and his feelings were so masked you didn't know what was going when he would all of a sudden go into a rage. Quillivant, Adderall, and Focalin did not work either. The psychiatrist was recommending Zoloft for my 7-year-old, when she recommended broad spectrum micronutrients as a possible option. Then worked well for my son. The outbursts subsided, the negative talk ended, and I haven't heard him say anything about wanting to die since he started them in February 2019. I highly recommend you investigate them, and whether or not they might be worth trying. There are two companies, Hardy Nutritionals and True Hope. My son takes the Hardy Nutritionals. Wishing you the best!

I was wondering if you are still using medication? I too am using micronutrients, fish oils, an iome biome product that is clearing up his gut. He takes tinctures to support cell activity and support his intestines. I did this to deal with the side effects from the vyvanse. But to my surprise I am seeing drastic improvement. To the point where I don’t know if the vyvanse might not be necessary.

I also wanted to tell you to google bee pollen. It is one of the most nutrient dense foods in the world and very recently after adding it to his smoothies I’m seeing even more progress. Check into this if your pushing food as medicine as well.😁

No medications for over two years now. The psychiatrist tapered him off, and we haven’t had need to add any back in.

I’m so happy things are going so well for your child. I can only term the results I’m having with my son as a miracle. I’m walking on clouds. I’m so scared he’ll go back to the way he was because It seems to good to be true. Now That the brain fog is gone he’s actually trying to eat healthy and is starting to question everything. Girls, friends, sports, it’s like his brain is working for the first time and he can think about something other than the moment he is in. He literally has never had awareness of how he’s viewed by other people. His principal quit calling me because I would shake so bad when picking him up from being suspended that out of kindness he would phone my husband. He was a thief, a liar, sneak out at night with my credit card to a gas station and buy Red Bull’s and candy. I had a lady come to my house and tell me that he rang her door bell and had a stun gun saying “send your boy out here”.He secretly bought it off the internet. The woman was crying and this was one of those days we researched a boys home to send him to because of the impact it was having on our family. Im grateful for medication but we’re doing trials without it now👏

addmomof2 profile image
addmomof2 in reply to Cjkchamp

Hi, how long did it take for the micronutrients to work?

Cjkchamp profile image
Cjkchamp in reply to addmomof2

They increased his dose over a number of weeks. We noticed some improvement right away, but the biggest improvement occurred when he reached a half dose which was two pills three times per day. That was about a month into taking them.

Hi, I am a mom who had Adhd and Dyslexia, I am also spiritual. My father has bipolar, add and adhd with dyslexia.My son turns 13 tomorrow and HE always says he wants to kill himself, he wants to die, tells people to kill him, says I wish you can kill me now, ect.. It is part of His Adhd..

It's hard to hear your child says stuff like that. But all we can do is tell them how much we love them and we wouldn't be here if it was not for Him giving mommy a reason to be here alive.

I do not and will not medicate my kid I do not need him to have a foggy brain.. He has to know that only he is in control of his own behavior, His own self, N

Nobody but him can make him be in control, only he can. no ody can stop him from getting or being angry only he can, nobody can make him laugh than be sad the next (only he can).. He has to know that no matter what happens ( We Are In control OF our Self) this has helped my son on a spiritual level. Being defiant is also something our adhd kids do. I u can find CBD kid gummies get some :) you will thank me later. but can only have 1 every couple hours. NO IT I NOT THC.

CBD is ok for kids and it truly does help them focus and be in a good mood

I think this is worth taking seriously. Our kid made comments like that which was our trigger to get her help fast. We see a psychiatrist who prescribes medication for adhd and anxiety. She does not experience brain fog or any kind of personality or energy change because of these meds. She is the same charming, sweet, funny, smart kid that she was before - she’s just happier and less stressed. She also went to an OT for emotional regulation. Graduated from that and is now seeing a social worker for talk therapy. One thing that my kids therapist always says is to acknowledge and reflect emotions - to take what our kid is feeling as legitimate and real. More children go through this kind of thing than you would think. Especially during Covid and the isolation of remote school it has been said that young people are experiencing a generational mental health crisis. You really are not alone. Hope this helps!

My 6 yr old daughter does this too during outbursts. She also threatens harm to others that I know she doesn’t mean but it is very upsetting. No advice but solidarity.

My son will snuggle up against me, tell me how much he loves me - but when but is time to turn off Minecraft, he hates me a jillion, is going to hit me, etc. I think that the worst thing you can do to one of our kids is to tell them “no”, so when they fight back they always choose the nuclear option.

My son uses hurtful words when angry. I've heard: you're bad, I dont love you, you are not a smart mom, I'm going to kill your parents, I'm going to die before you, and I'm going to kill you.

If he mentions hurting himself I hug him really tight and say "I love you so so much. I don't want you to be gone. I would miss you too much. You are so important to me." And "I need you to keep my son safe." If didnt turn things around, I was prepared to drive home straight to the hospital.

I cried when my son hit himself in the head. He was mad that it was time to go home from a friends house.

Hearing this from your young child is so hard and scary. My daughter said this during outbursts when she was 6. We contacted her school counselor (who she was somewhat familiar with) to find out if she had suggestions on how to handle it. She brought our daughter in for a suicide assessment (not scary, just talking in a way my daughter would understand) and determined that she was not at risk but needed other ways to express how she was feeling. The counselor explained to my daughter that talking about killing yourself scares others because they love you so much. Then she helped her come up with other things she could say to express her anger (I’m so angry, I want to hit something, you hurt my feelings, etc). We didn’t hear that she wants to die again, although she definitely let us know how mad she was. Not sure if your school counselor would do the same thing, but hopefully this helps. My kiddo is almost 12 now and with a lot of therapy and work, manages her emotions much better now. Good luck and hang in there, it’s a long road.

Most negative behavior is manipulative to avoid doing things or for attention. The way to reduce rewarding negative behavior with attention is by reversing the punishment consequences into rewarding positive behaviors. This is tricky but with guidance and patience it is possible. Rewards are more powerful than punishment especially for kids. Change the fight over bedtime into a structure that if in bed on time, there will be playtime tomorrow, something that you can control. Going to the park. Playing catch, Picking out what lunch will be. See Pax Tools for Parents on Youtube. Heres a link:Pax Tools intro

You are definitely not alone. Kids learn to use words that push emotions. Have you considered discussing this with his therapist? Maybe the behavior therapist could also give some tools on choices of words to use when angry or connect you to a cognitve therapist. I was able to connect with some supportive moms through my child's school which helped me feel not so alone in my struggles. Bmotomom wrote about a good school counselor addressing the words used to express feelings. You are wonderful mother helping your child in every way possible. It is so hard setting those bedtime rules but it pays off. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world.

Thank you everyone! You are amazing!

My son has also said these types of statements and it's soul crushing. When he is calm and in a talkative state, I have addressed these outburst with him. He says he doesn't mean them and is just saying them in the moment out of anger. He's only 10 so I will cautiously take him at his word but will keep a watchful eye as he grows. My son has ADHD with anger issues and is currently on 2ml of liquid Ritalin (Quillivant). He started medication about 2 months ago and I'm not sure this is the one for him yet but we are trying this one out for now. He hasn't said these suicidal statements while on the medication. He is better these days but still has a very low frustration level. He recently started OT, I have my doubts about it how it will help his behavioral issues but I'll keep him in it for awhile to see how it goes. I also have him taking various vitamins (multi, liquid D, fish oil, immunity) and I do feel like he is better when taking them consistently and gets a good nights sleep. Good luck to you and your family. Try to stay positive.

Yup same here : I’ve hear everything from “I don’t want to be alive” to “i hate myself I want to die” - all in a giant outburst. Always over a limit. We have to give kids limits and say no but the outbursts can be intimidating, triggering, I have a little PTSD from them. But that being said - they’re using it as a manipulation tactic, it’s natural because the feelings are SO BIG for them. We did get pretty nervous about this behavior so he’s working on this in therapy. Stress and school seems to make it worse. Don’t ignore it - but know that it’s not your fault. Give yourself and your kids big hugs.

YES,........the first time my son said or I notice something in this context was when he said he hates his life........After that he searched on google how to kill himself.........and how to tie a noose this was couple years back my son is teenager and when his ADD gets too much he says and thinks all this..........We live in this world where not everyone is understable of you and when it gets too much kids think they can't handle it all we can do it stay positive and tell them they got this and trust me when my son searched all this I lost sleep cried so much and now I am constantly try to check what he is doing online.......It gets very hard when they are teenager because they can do a lot more now......good or bad! Best Wishes to you and don't take his words to heart just do whatever you can to support him.

You may also like...