Am I the only one going through these observations for my 8year old boy?

[ADHD_dad2]

My son is 8 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. We got him on 504 plan for the school and we have a behavior therapist to guide him. He is very kind hearted, loves to read and has some challenges in getting along with peers (more below). We give him Omega-3 tablets. He is not on any other medication. Screen time is reasonable

The challenges are on the following fronts:

1. Behavior:

a. He lacks self-confidence and seems very hesitant to speak-up. He does not seem to stand-up to bullying behavior and also other scenarios where he could raise issues to adults (though we have consistently given the message that he is welcome to do so)

b. He seems very sensitive - starts crying to get his way and also when anyone shows even a sign of annoyance (rather than expressing using words)

c. His executive functioning seems below peers – he seems to like to do things in a rush rather than strategizing and doing it methodically

d. Has focus issues – gets distracted easily

e. Seems obsessed with different topics at different times - from history to space science and anything in between for brief periods of time

2. Academics:

a. While his class Reading grades seem to be good, the state level evaluation exams are showing a different picture ie well below his peers; the issue seems to be in interpreting and answering complex questions from a given passage. Answering questions directly presented in a passage seems to be ok

b. He did Math well in kindergarten and it’s been a huge struggle now to get him to cross C grade; direct addition, subtraction, multiplication and division problems seem to be fine but interpreting word problems to understand the Math behind them seems to be a huge challenge. This has led to intervention in his school

My struggles are:

1. Is medication the only way forward? While I understand that there are no magic wands, it is very hard for me to judge which behaviors fall under “that’s how boys will be and will outgrow this” vs “this is how he will be for the rest of his life” – this is my biggest struggle. Any insight provided is appreciated

2. I spoke to his neurologist, who said if academics are a challenge, then medication might be the way forward; as a parent, I am struggling to cross that bridge. How have other parents coped? What kind of medications have worked? Any side effects to worry about?

3. Anyone tried Psychotherapist for the above symptoms? How did they help? How frequently does the psychotherapist and the child meet, typically?

4. My insurance company declined to pay for any therapy. I raised it to every attorney general’s office and got nowhere – did anyone have any luck? What is the way to get insurance companies to cover therapy? Does insurance cover only medication in most cases?

I sometimes end up feeling like I haven’t done enough to make him successful; am I alone in thinking like this?

[Birdwatcher19]

Hi there. It sounds like you are doing plenty. The behaviors you describe are all consistent with ADHD. He may also be dealing with some anxiety. Has the school done an evaluation to assess for learning disabilities? Given his academic difficulties, it would seem worthwhile to request one. This would give a better picture of what he’s struggling with and why. Or perhaps you’ve done outside testing. Typically outside evaluations are completed by a neuropsychologist. You mentioned a neurologist—what is his role? As far as medication goes, it can certainly help him to focus and feel more in control of his emotions, but it would still be important to identify any potential learning disabilities (in which case, he should have an IEP, not just a 504). If he has dyslexia, for example, medication alone is not going to help with this. Psychotherapy can be helpful to teach self-regulation and coping skills; it’s most helpful when parents are involved and reinforcing skills at home. Sessions once a week would be typical. I’m sorry you’re running into issues with the insurance. We do have laws for mental health parity, which it sounds like you’re aware of since you’ve contacted your AG. Insurance should cover it if is considered medically necessary, which treatment for anxiety would be. Can you let your pediatrician know you are concerned about your son’s anxiety level and see if they will refer you to someone, or have ideas on how to work around the insurance? Maybe they’ve run into this before. I wish I could be more help here, I’m sorry. Hopefully someone will have more experience dealing with this and know how to work around it. Best wishes, hope this helps.

[ADHD_dad2 in reply to Birdwatcher19]

Thanks, this is a good starting point. I will connect with my pediatrician on anxiety

[regardingtheboys]

My son is not outgrowing his issues, but is gaining academic coping skills. For example, he knows he has to write down all the facts provided in a word problem because he can't depend on his working memory to hold onto the data. Same as the reading comprehension. He is able to acknowledge when he has read something but didn't receive the information. With age, I think kids have a better ability to problem solve some of these issues (with and without medication).

[HanDor]

Hi there. My husband was hesitant with meds as well, but our son began noticing he was falling behind his classmates i.e. taking longer to finish basic tasks, unable to sit when others can, etc. This began affecting his already shaky confidence and we began meds. He's also worked with a speech therapist for EF and behavioral therapy. I do believe the best treatment plan is a combination of medication and different types of therapy.

H

[Sabrousal]

I say go for meds. We struggled with this for years and getting the correct meds for years but in end 15 year old boy says it was worth it. He is on Concerta. And yes, some of this he will outgrow. Good luck and be patient with yourself and him!

[ADHD_DAD]

Hi there. Most of us start out hesitant to give medications. I know I was, at first, hesitant, though now, nearly 10 years into this journal, it is very hard for me to rationalize my thought process at the time. Your son sounds very much like my son. If true, you will be learning from him soon as I have been learning from my son for years now. For example, my son with ADHD is also nearsighted and wears glasses. He describes his ADHD medicines as being similar to his eyeglasses. He can live without them, but it is very hard to focus without them. I would never make him go to school without his glasses and it is hard for me to believe now that I ever made him go without medications. I usually describe the management of ADHD as a 3 legged stool with the legs being 1. medications, 2. accommodations at school and, 3. lifestyle modifications at home. Some would add counseling, but that has never been necessary for us. We have tried a few times but are always told that he doesn't need to continue. To continue with my stool analogy, I believe that you will not find a good balance until all 3 legs are in place. Adjustments are always necessary as children change and age and because ADHD by nature results in inconsistent results despite consistent effort. However, it is my opinion that you will not find comfortable management of your son's ADHD without medicines.

For some reason, we (initially) think of ADHD differently than other medical conditions or disabilities. If my son had grown up when I did, he would have been thought of as stupid and lazy and would have been left behind. That, certainly , would have led to poor self esteem. However, because we now see ADHD for what it is- a disability requiring treatment and management-he has been enabled to be his best self. Now at age 15, he is on the high honor roll. I tell you this to provide the encouragement that I wish I had when my son was your son's age. At that time, it was hard to foresee him being successful. Remember that this journey is a marathon and not a sprint and it is never easy. However, I truly believe that ADHD can be a super power. Their brains work so incredibly fast and like a super car, when under proper control, are capable of great things. You will make mistakes along the way like we all have, but stay the course and above all, be grateful for the wonderful, sensitive, unique, quirky son that you have. Be well!

[Klmamma]

My son is the same way, he is 6 almost 7. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been a miracle worker. He's developed so many coping skills to deal with his ADHD symptoms. We don't outgrow ADHD, we just learn to cope with it better as we get older. We don't do meds either, we currently do a focus supplement that has caffeine in it twice a day and it does make about a 50% difference in his mood and focus.

We pulled him out of school before the year started bc we knew he would struggle with remote learning. Having taught him myself now since August, I honestly don't see how he could attend public school without medication. He has skills etc and he does use them but I just don't think he would get the accommodations he would need due to class size and funding.

With reading comprehension, they've already forgotten what they've read within 5 sentences, etc. The questions need to be asked closer together. Little things like that. I find that oral tests where I write his answers are best when the test is over 2 pages long. It takes ALOT of work for these kids to focus on the test itself and writing their answers down. It's exhausting living with ADHD, but we all learn to cope in the end.

I've always been strongly against the meds, it terrifies me to give my kids a controlled substance. But again, teaching him myself these past few months has opened my eyes to the things he struggles with. It's a constant battle for him. Sit still, focus, stay on task, remember, writing his thoughts down before new thoughts enter his head and over ride the thoughts he was originally trying to write down, etc.