Adhd mom help

[OBTJG2717]

New here son has Adhd...Does it ever get easier? Looking for moms to talk to and or a coach.

[Redpanda5]

Welcome! I think more people would respond if your question was a little more specific.

Overall, I don’t know that it gets easier. I guess you could say it gets easier when you accept seeing things from a new perspective. You won’t go back to your life before ADHD but you will adjust. You may not be able to relate to moms who have children without ADHD and normal parenting strategies won’t work but you will adjust if you accept it.

If you come up with a plan, follow strategies given by therapists, and don’t EVER give up even when there are bumps, then you will feel more empowered and you will feel that it’s easier. I hope this makes sense!

[Drummum]

My son is 16 doing virtual school. He’s always in his room. Comes out for food and to give me a hard time - acts like he’s still 5. I hear he’s not like this when he goes to his friend’s house and even when I get him out of the house/ then we can have a normal conversation. Since he’s at home he’s not taking his concerta med which doesn’t help. He doesn’t like how it makes him feel.

His goal is to play video games all day like he does on the weekend. I’m trying to teach him self-regulation, responsibility but it’s hard. He’s rather play games than do school and that’s what he does when he has the devices so I had to take them away.

He’s still a challenge but can be nice sometimes.

[GigiandLuke in reply to Drummum]

Omg 😳 sounds exactly like my 16 year old son. 😱

[momofBGtwins in reply to Drummum]

This is 1,000% my son.

[AberdeenArms in reply to momofBGtwins]

Our son is SORT OF the same: 16, stopped his meds, spends a lot of time in his room. But once we caught him sleeping during class a few times we created a rule that he has to be downstairs for school from now on, except when a class ends early or he has a study hall. He can go back to bed then. He loves to drive and play basketball, so he gets a lot of time doing both of those things. I think he understands what we're asking of him and WHY we're asking it of him, plus he understands the consequences if he slips up (loses phone, wifi, sleepovers, etc.). I highly highly recommend insisting on your child NOT being in his room for school, period. Start there and praise him when he does begin getting into hsi new groove.

[Greenbeach in reply to Drummum]

You just described my son!

[Laura3456]

I think everyones journey with this is a bit different. Personally two years after diagnosis and with stimulant meds everything is going great (fingers crossed, touching wood and all that!). DS is still very quirky but the issues that led to the diagnosis are now very minimal. So for us its much easier and i worry more about my other child who is not ADHD.

[coachmom]

I recently joined impact parents parent success system. It is group coaching but also feels like a support group because others are experiencing similar issues. Happy to talk about it further with you and share my experiences.

[momofBGtwins in reply to coachmom]

I would love to hear more about this if you're willing to share. Thank you.

[coachmom in reply to momofBGtwins]

Sure, you can email me at [e-mail] and we can find a time to talk.

[Mpd7059 in reply to coachmom]

I would like to hear about this as well.

[MoonMama71]

I have a 9 year old son, 11 year old daughter and a husband who all have ADHD. So I ask myself this all the time "will it get easier?" I have my good days and my very bad days. I don't have many answers yet but I understand how frustrating and hard it is. It has helped for me to read more books about ADHD to accept the challenges and not feel doomed. I keep hope that the medicine, CBT, and my perspective shifting will keep helping my family while also making things "easier" for me as a mom. This community is really so helpful when all three of them drive me crazy with their impulsivity, tantrums, obsessions, distractions, self-absorption, and poor social skills. I try to remember all the wonderful things about them that I love too LOL Seeking help here and support is one of the best ways I have been able to cope!

[Hidden]

To be honest, I think ADHD never gets easier. It probably gets harder as kids get older, and expectations and responsibilities increase. School work becomes more challenging, needing to be more independent, etc.

What I have found that helps me personally is:

-understanding what ADHD is and how it impacts my sons brain, and how that is different from mine and my husbands

-reminding myself constantly that he's usually doing the best he can, and not actively trying to annoy me

-Therapy, therapy, therapy - not just for kiddo, but as a parent, understanding how to work with is quirks, rather than butt heads

-504 plan or other accommodation at school - just knowing we can make ad-hoc adjustments to school work as needed

-lowering my standards - I pretty much just enforce basic hygiene these days. Forget about putting toys in the right bin, or making the bed. As long as there's not dirty laundry on the floor, toothpaste in the sink, and the toilet is flushed, we're pretty much good.

-this group - just knowing that I can come on here and ask advice about some new quirk, or just vent to other parents who understand is a big help.

Best of luck to you!

[Michelle333]

I have 3 tweens. It's about 10 times harder than when they were 6. I recommend forgiving yourself in advance for all the things that you will fail to do when you are doing everything you are physically capable of doing. It's a lot. Embrace positivity. Celebrate small victories. It will save you from the abyss.

[Jgirlie123]

Hello. I read these posts a lot and find so much comfort. My journey started at kinder when the teacher hinted he had ADHD. I wasn’t ready for that yet but the same message came in first grade. By then I listened and during the lockdown ( he was in first grade) it was so horrible we had him tested for it. Virtual learning just amplified his inability to focus. We switched him to a private school because his public school didn’t have their act together for second grade during covid and they weren’t in person. The school I chose was very unsupportive and we were emailed daily about how problematic he was for the teacher. We ran to get him on medication (focalin xr) and I started looking for other schools. The medication worked wonders and the complaints stopped. I still switched him schools to another private one. Sadly more expensive, but they’ve been wonderful. And now we have to switch meds again but at least the school is in there with us, so my stress level is very little. They are having him meet with a counselor there 1:1 for anxiety, which is amplified by the meds, which is one reason we are switching. He also can’t focus in the PM anymore to do homework, is more defiant, has obsessive tendencies and too many long erections that last too long. So time to switch meds. But having a supportive school that talks to me with concern and support vs. making me afraid and worried he will get kicked out is a total game changer for our life. I went from crying daily and being sick to my stomach and worried for my son, to feeling relaxed with the phone calls from his third grade teachers.

Lesson learned: find the right medication. Find a school that supports you. Know ADHD is normal, gets better with time. Know that it has ups and downs and you are not alone