Explosive behavior

[Fles74]

My son also has ADHD. He’s currently being tested at Children’s Hospital to see if there’s something else wrong. The other day he became very defiant when I took his phone away. He had a very weird glazed look in his eyes. That’s when he went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and pointed it right at me and said he was going to stab me. He’s never done anything like that before. Can this actually happen with children who have ADHD? Or is there something else going on? I’m at a lost.

[Cjkchamp]

It can happen, happened with my son at school with a screwdriver. At home he threatened to stab me. My other child was so worried she went to the kitchen and hid the knives. I highly recommend you research broad spectrum micronutrients. My son’s psychiatrist recommended them and they made all the difference.

[Fles74 in reply to Cjkchamp]

I will definitely look into that. He’s currently going to a therapist, once a week. He comes from a divorce home where his Father shows me absolute zero respect. Anthony sees that and is very defiant and disrespectful towards me. I have a boyfriend, and my son accused my bf of grabbing and pulling him down the stairs, which never happened. I see things just spiraling downhill.

[Dragontooth55]

Same issues with my 10 year old...and that’s a good day. We don’t have a wall without a hole in it, a picture on the wall. or a door that closes correctly from being slammed. I can empathize with you and you are not alone.

He has a dx or ADHD, anxiety and some sort of underlying mood disorder...not clear which one.

Looking at each area (ADHD, anxiety, mood) as separate components has helped us to figure out how to deal with the explosions (ie, when he’s anxious he explodes over things that make him anxious and when he’s out of control and impulsive he’ll explode over details and when he’s sad or depressed he may explode over something he feels that is out of his control).

We try and identify his state at the moment and control his environment for those things and always stay calmer and in more control than him so he has a model during those situations.

Good luck!

[Fles74 in reply to Dragontooth55]

Thank you for your response. I will try that.

[ThatCat]

I’ve been stabbed, pushed down the stairs, shoved into a hot oven from behind, hit, pinched, bitten, hair ripped out. For a long time I kept blades hidden. All this took place when my son was 4 or under. So no real physical damage done. I guess. But once we did PCIT (parent-child interactive therapy) and started treating the anxiety with medication (clonidine, fluoxetine), we began to turn the corner. Much less violence. Altho I am apprehensive about when my son is older (he’s 6) . I know what you mean about the glazed look. Seen it.

One way I get my son’s attention is to refuse to do anything for him at all. On Friday, he was being pretty awful. I said, “I’m done. Make your own dinner.” And I went upstairs and laid down. Five o’clock. Six o’clock. I made it clear I was not stirring a muscle until I got an apology. He actually had a major crying fit, begging forgiveness. He needed that release. I know under lockdown his anxiety is ramped up. But, his therapist as always made clear: you can’t back down, no matter what. Situations are fluid, always will be. The key is learning how to respond.

I will say one thing: do not compromise your safety. This is a domestic abuse situation. It should be treated like one. Very seriously. And immediately. Don’t let docs and psychs minimalise it, as they tend to do. I sometimes think if an adult did these things, I’d have a restraining order. But if it’s a kid, it’s a behavioral issue that is somehow your fault...either genetically or behaviorally.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to ThatCat]

Thank you for sharing.

Our son is 13 yrs old now and we have been through it. I will say stability... And maturity have really helped.

Like you said don't back down. I found, I punish "forward". So yesterday you decided you were not going to read, today no X until yesterday's and today's reading are done.

I also don't ask for his phone, I just turn off the internet until it is in my hand then I lock it up for the day.

Once they know we are serious again.. Things change. Buttons are always being pushed.

Thanks for sharing.

[Fles74 in reply to ThatCat]

I noticed that to from doctors and Authorities. My son has been on Clonidin for almost two years. It’s very discerning that he doesn’t do this at his Father’s house. Only mine. I’m not the best at discipline and I think that I was too lax in the past. That’s something I’m really trying to work on. I’m just shocked that he took his angry to a new level

[Nats2005]

We haven't seen quite that level of behavior in our 4-year-old son, but we do get things thrown at us, hitting and kicking, or chairs, small tables and toy bins knocked over. Not to mention books and other papers ripped up on a regular basis.

There are a variety of mood disorders associated with ADHD, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Disruptive Mood Disregulation Disorder (both of which our son was diagnosed with).

I don't know if books like Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" (which I've read) or Russell Barkley's "Your Defiant Child" (which has been recommended to me) would be any help.