Desperate for peace: Struggling with a... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Desperate for peace


Struggling with a 14 yr old with ADHD behavior and her attitude at home. To say all of it's bad doesn't sound like an overstatement. I feel awful, the therapist asked for her strengths..beside athletic, I was dumbfounded. I'm not trying to be hurtful. All of her good qualities has walked out the door in the last 2 years. She's mean, spiteful, manipulative, argumentative, disrespectful, lazy, exhausting., uncooperative..I could go on. All my attempts to spend time with just her or family time she completely trashes. I ask if she wants butter on her toast and she spats venom on me....There's no peace left in my house and now we're locked down in this hell. I need to vent. I constantly regroup and try to get through. My husband's ADHD burns what little progress I make. Then I'm battling two people.

9 Replies

Let it all out, girl!

Sorry you are experiencing this. My 13yo is so selfish and ungrateful

Walk away. Do nothing for her. She can butter (or not) her own toast at 14. My son was hurling hate and physically assaulting me one night. I said, “I’m done. Good night. Put yourself to bed.” He was 4 (this was before he was on anxiety meds, which have made a huge difference). I shut off everything and went upstairs, got into bed. I was listening, of course, to be sure nothing was going on. He eventually came up. He started again. I ignored him until he calmed down. Then he came into my bed to talk and apologize. You can put yourself in time out, too. You don’t have to help her abuse you. She’s holding the entire house hostage. Do what you want during family time. Go for a walk or watch something you like. She wants attention and control: don’t give either. I know we’re all stuck together for awhile. But everyone has a pressure point. Electronics can not only be taken, they can be disabled. TV channels can be blocked. Books, magazines, favorite snacks can disappear. If hubby doesn’t back you, put him in charge and don’t lift a finger for either of them. It’s lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Things rough here, too. Is it obvious? 🤪

You aren’t the only one! I lived in that Hell for years and it changed me. Keep your distance. Try to stay out of the same room. Don’t engage. I wish I had more advice. It’s just so sad and unfair to have this when we see how easy others have it.

I hear you. Best advice I got was to act like a potted plant around my teen...dont initiate interaction, just be there. Or not, if things get abusive.

This stay at home thing is likely way harder for our families than people could possibly know.

Ugh... I’m so sorry. I know exactly what your talking about. I don’t know the answer.... I have had to get therapy myself and just get away from it when I can. I feel for you. I tell myself it’s not personal and that it is a result of the ADHD but you still feel all the emotions of it and the loss of your relationship with your child. It is SO HARD. Venting is necessary!! This forum helps so much too. It reminds me I’m not crazy when I read my life in other people’s posts. I’m sorry you are going thru this. I know it’s painful and hard. It is a crazy train ... I hope you find a way to get some peace and rest to catch your breath. I hope it helps to know someone cares and understands you needing to vent!

It is so difficult for others who have never experienced it to understand us and what we go through. During this pandemic it is especially stressful for us and anxiety is at high levels for both us, the parents, and our children. I wonder how much hair we'll have left by the end of it. I am praying diligently and daily for all of us. Sometimes doing nothing at all and saying nothing can work but I find it best if I go to a room and lock myself in and when I come out I don't acknowledge him or speak when spoken to unless it is with a kinder attitude but as soon as the attitude starts again, I shit it down. I haven't had to deal with a teenage daughter, but I have seen this work for many. But it has to be consistent behavior that you get in the habit of and not feeding that fire she wants to engulf you in. Remember too our children are also having high anxiety and may not be talking about it as they don't know what is going on either from day to day with this pandemic and the media makes it where we get filled with fear. Praying for you and for your daughter!

Is she on her medication? Teenagers are tough to raise. With the mood swings, hormonal changes, feeling isolated from friends and being thrown off schedule because of the health crisis, there is a lot for her to deal with. Kids do not really know how to express themselves so they act out instead.

Have a good sit down with her to try and get to the root of the problem, If she won't talk to you, find a mentor, church member, neighbor or relative she may confide in. I know how you must feel being stuck with a rowdy daughter that you can't get through too. Be sure to take a time out for yourself if you are able to in order to avoid conflict. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. It is such a daily struggle.

I have a 10 year boy and can almost expect this behavior in a few years. The current distant learning is crazy horrible. He is not only not independent he needs constant sit down attention to get it done and I practically have to beg him. And he is on meds. He had a breakdown this week so bad that so many things got broken in the house and yelling that 4 neighbors came out or complained. I had to get out of the house to make sure it’s still standing. He followed me and he calmed down. We live in the city so there’s always people around. Not many now. I try to convey how hard the distant learning is for me but people don’t understand. I have such high anxiety that I am drinking each night to relax. It’s been a very hard two weeks and I am so scared of what comes next. Sorry needed to complain too.

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