"I like you just the way you are"...

[Onthemove1971]

I am learning more about Fred Roger's who said " I like you just the way you are"..

We are comparing our kids to Neurotypical kids. We really should not try to change our kids, but the world!

Let's try to like our kids just the way they are. Change our behavior, change their world ( maybe reduce the school work load, etc) and we change the language we use toward our children.

What do you think? Imagine our kids trying their hardest and it's still not enough...

[Shamasamdrew]

Love this!! One of the phrases I’ve heard that I think about a whole lot is.....we spend so much time considering the effort it takes to for a square peg to fit into a round hole, but really don’t spend as much time considering the damage we are doing to the peg in the process. Seems that these two thoughts walk hand and hand and should always be considered with our children.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Shamasamdrew]

If you are interested look into the Finding Fred Podcast #9 and #10... life changing!

Our kids know when we are genuine and when we can send them the message it will change everything. They need to know it is ok to be who they are.

[Shamasamdrew in reply to Onthemove1971]

I’m going to look into those. Thank you!!

[TruSoma8]

I think this sounds lovely if our children weren't violent, self destructive and having such a difficult time with their emotions and social skills. Sure in a perfect world we would love for them to be who they were meant to be but sadly some of our children were damaged, neglected as infants and abused. Trauma changes the brain so some of us are trying to pick up the pieces and just get our kiddos in a better place so they can be good human beings and not end up in jail or a psychiatric unit some day!!

[Onthemove1971 in reply to TruSoma8]

I knew when I wrote this there would be someone struggling "worse" than us. I am sorry that this is place you guys are in now, I imagine it is not easy.

What you are describing is your child's behavior and behavior is communication. The bases of this daying is to be able to get to place where you can like your child but dislike their behaviors. I hope you guys are getting the support you need to help your child.

There are studies that are done on children with ADHD and the messages they get from the world and when compared to Neuro-typical children they get many more negative comments. Especially when they are not behaving the way Neuro-typical children do. If we imagine what it would be like to always hearing they are wrong or they are not acting right all the time. It would be very hard to deal with. Their brains are different and many children learn differently and it is hard for people to understand this and accept this.

I know my words do make this part of your journey any easier, but just something thing to ponder.

I hope your path forward gets much easier for everyone. I know it is hard to deal with.

Big hug if you need it.

Take care.

[momofjon in reply to TruSoma8]

TruSoma8, I understand. My child has been raised in a near-perfect environment since conception with compassion and empathy and patience that would boggle the mind of a parent with a Neuro-typical child. Yet, as he's turned 9 he's become darker. He lies, steals, is vindictive and contrary to the executive function deficits he has is able to plan out and execute revenge. He feels exaggerated threats from every direction and strikes back. Because he's only 9 the mental health providers in his life are reluctant to label this but I can't help but think his next diagnosis will be Conduct Disorder. I always try to approach my interactions with him from a standpoint of "do no harm" and recognize his internal suffering that triggers the unwanted behaviors, but that is really hard to do -- especially as I feel an urgency to save the world from him.

[TruSoma8 in reply to momofjon]

Oh boy do I feel your pain. Its one day sometimes one hour at a time. My heart goes out to you.

[Pennywink]

I adore Fred Rogers.