How do I get my 8 year old daughter with adhd to do anything without her crying and throwing tantrums.

[dymn]

my 8 year old daughter has destructive adhd. how do i get her to do chores or even play with her little sister (3) with out her crying and throwing tantrums? for example I she played outside and played on the Xbox for a couple hours. I then asked if she could fold her laundry and she broke down and started crying and throwing a tantrum. needless to say it took her over 2 hours just to finish maybe a load of clothes. my next question is how do i get her to play with her sister nicely? my 8 year old fights with her constantly with toys (toddler toys) and when she doesn't get her way she has smacked her sister (3) and has left red marks and bruises. I have disciplined her every way I know how and nothing has worked. I need help!

[RCJH8610]

You could try a reward system for positive behaviors and have her create it with you so she takes ownership of the plan. For example, if she likes playing on the Xbox then use Xbox time as a reward. She has to earn it. So when she completes a chore she can get a certain amount of play time or when she plays nice with her sister she gets to chose a fun activity. I would also suggest cognitive behavioral therapy to help with managing emotions. It will help your daughter develop positive coping skills aside from crying and throwing tantrums. I hope this help ❤️

[Pennywink in reply to RCJH8610]

I agree with everything RCJH said. 😊

[Cjkchamp]

If you have noticed issues with emotional regulation I would highly recommend you research broad spectrum micronutrients.

[anirush]

Is she on any medication? Kids with ADHD have a hard time regulating emotions as well as behavior.

[Skywalkerfamily]

this is only a partial answer, as there as so many facets to this question. I will just address the "xbox" matter. I have 2 boys and have noticed TV and consoles have a double edge effect on my ADHD boy. Sure, he is calm why watching TV or playing the console (which for us parents is a blessing) but he is 10 times more nervous and has tantrums after being on TV/console. his brother (who does not have adhd) is not like that. I have read about this - there is research. it is so obvious at home that my son, now 11, realizes it himself (he hits his brother, even though he adores him, he refuses any chore, etc). So we now really limit the amount of time he spends on TV (I stead we bought him anything he wanted to play with: building robots, etc) and there is NO tv or console before school, or in the morning during weekends (otherwise the rest of the day he is just super cranky).

anyway, the effects are visible, and now plays a lot with his younger brother.

Again, this is just one angle... but hang in there... as long as our babies feel we love them we can have a positive influence on them

[RichSeitzOceanNJ]

See the thread on the Rewarding for Efforts for more information.

[Janice_H]

First, you will need to have her recognize that you are the parent and she is the child. The way you can do this is to tell her that she has certain chores that will need to be completed and there will be no back talk, crying or throwing of items in your home. Try putting up a check list of the chores she is responsible for each day. She is to place a star sticker beside the chore when she has finished it. Give her a hug if she gets through the chore without the meltdowns.

Secondly, have a talk with her about kindness towards her sister. She is not permitted to use her hands when she gets angry and cannot get her way. If she continues, make sure she knows what the consequence is and be stern with it. Issue the consequence (time out, no TV or electronics, take away a favorite toy temporarily, cancel planned fun event). Be sure to tell her in advance of play time that if she hits, scratches, bites, pushes, etc. the consequence will be issued.

[Beainthenow11]

Have you done parent training? It’s huge to know how to respond to them. It’s helpful. Is she on meds? When my son doesn’t take his meds or is tired or hungry, his emotional control goes out the window. Clear guide lines, compassion w/o being emotional, praise ect.. parent training. Easter seals has one.