ADHD (hyperactive)GIRL 7 almost 8 ( n... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

15,691 members4,775 posts

ADHD (hyperactive)GIRL 7 almost 8 ( not inattentive). Problems with how kids rest her. Only parents of ADHD girls please

EmmysMomma profile image

Our beautiful 7 almost 8 yr old daughter is ADHD (hyperactive). We knew she had it 3 yrs old and she was formally diagnosed a few years ago. I know it’s “rare” for a girl to have the hyperactive type and “I need to hear from Moms who have an ADHD hyperactive girl please.” My brother was also ADHD so I’m quite familiar but always learning.

It’s been very hard on her friendships currently we are at the end of 2nd grade. She’s a good student and she worked hard on this ( too hard in fact so I have learned her happiness is more important than getting all A’s).

But her hyperactivity cancause anger and irritability and rudeness. She used to be friends with everyone but now she’s teased and I see how other girls look at her like she’s annoying. And her teachers get annoyed ( but I stop them right away and set the stage for no abuse to her). However she’s showing signs of peer pressure affecting how she sees school. I e homeschooled her but it’s too much for me with a 2 year old and I feel she needs the socialization.

I have a hard time getting her to bed early enough and she’s veryaccident Leone when tired. She gets 9.5-10 hours a day( usually 10 even though I strive for 11 but that rarely occurs although that’s what she needs). We use natural foods to feed her brain and a healthy diet. Need support on what todo. Can’t afford ADHD school at 24k a year. She’s been to private Christian school but kids are still excluding her. Any ideas from Moms of hyperactive girls would be great. I need to know what works. I worry she will start not liking herself because of how others treat her.

14 Replies

Hi there

I too have a hyperactive adhd girl who is 7 I am always getting comments from other parents which I am sure I wouldn’t be getting if my daughter was a boy. We tried medications but all of them had horrible side effects so we are kind of at a loss as well. We have her in a special school but as a result she has no good peer models and has picked up bad behaviors from the other kids. She currently isn’t being made fun of but I am sure it’s coming. I feel your pain. I am physically and mentally exhausted at the end of every day. There aren’t many of us out there

Jackieedunn profile image
Jackieedunn in reply to PamGW

If in public school make use of the social worker and the school psychologist who often conduct girl social groups

Outside social skill groups and programs available as well

Following this thread. My daughter is 6, almost 7 and just recently diagnosed with ADHD in December. I too worry about her friendships with girls because she is so hyper. So new to the ADHD world.

Having the same problem here. Her teacher thought she was better on medication at first (Adderal XR 5 mg) but seems to be having more trouble again. She is in a social skills group but is very disruptive there. She used to have a lot of friends and still does but I can see how she sometimes causes fights (doesn’t listen to others, always zooming around, singing/dancing non stop). She is starting therapy soon to talk about her feelings/over reacting/angers easily. I think her teacher was better with her a few months ago and now she is getting worn down and I can tell it is affecting my daughters self esteem.

Looking into a charter school for her but I will miss walking her to school on days I don’t work and Grandma isn’t on board for pick ups, etc b/c it is farther away.

Just feel at a loss but makes me feel little better others are going thru the same thing. I am ADHD hyperactive type and have a good career, etc. I made it but I don’t think Elementary school was as hard back then..... more coloring and playing, less sitting for hours.

SharMor profile image
SharMor in reply to Vethopeful

My granddaughter has had her medications adjusted several times. I had better luck when I took her to a child psychiatrist instead of a physician. He did a wonderful job.

I am raising my 8 year old granddaughter who is severely impacted by ADHD hyperactive and SPD and I am now starting the process of getting her assessed for ASD high functioning. I knew something was different about her from her infancy.

I tried everything I could from dietary changes to natural Native American medicine, it was not enough. She was put on the wrong medicine and eventually placed in inpatient treatment to get her stable on medication. This has helped her in school as she also struggled socially. She is still a little odd, and struggles with social skills, but she has been able to make a few friends.

Nighttime continues to be a challenge as her medication is no longer in her system, and when her schedule varies even slightly she also struggles. She become extremely hyper and often becomes aggressive. I am a single parent so it can be very challenging and overwhelming. I can become pretty wound up myself and sometimes have to lock myself in the bathroom with the dog and cry, to keep both of us safe.

Medication and a lot of communication has helped her a lot. She is on a 504 and has a wonderful teacher who I communicate with regularly. I continue to look for other services for her like OT and PT, and counseling to help her develop skills to help her succeed. Hang in there. She needs you to advocate for her because she can’t do it herself. Public schools can offer many services not available in private schools. You may want to consider this.

You are assessing, assuring and looking for help. Well done.

Our Daughter doesn't realise she is being rude, etc and when we explain how her behaviour was rude, she is genuinely hurt that she has been rude.. Incidents are more likely to occur if she's tired. We found its not the length of her sleep rather the quality and the routine was significant. Our Daughter is a young teenager now and bedtime is 9 pm. Her day is full of school, sports friends, activities, screen times ie TV, Phone, Tablet, she also has a pet which she's responsible for. We support her as best as we can but sometimes if she's rude or distracted and not being the good friend she cud be. Well, she will learn the lesson the hard way. If you wish to keep your friends and loved ones in your life, you must treat people with respect. It is the little simple gestures that cement a friendship, keeps it alive and growing. Our Daughter had to find ways to make her friends feel they mattered. Simply things like being interested enough to check in with them, follow up with whatever was going on for them. It is extremely difficult for our daughter cus it wud not be natural and truly she wud not see the point but gradually she can to understand, people require effort. Wishing you continued happiness for your family. As a follow up our daughter, although her ADHD effects ever aspect of her life - doesn't take medicine. She just didn't want to. Her Doctors monitor her and if the stress of juggling ADHD gets too much they will introduce meds at that time.

Well I’m new on here and not a mom but definitely a worried dad. I just briefly read over your post as well as everyone else’s and I am in the same boat. I have 3 daughters and my 5 year old seems to be having the same symptoms as everyone else’s children. It’s been extremely rough at home this last year trying to find a happy medium and deal with it. I’m currently in the process of quitting my job to devote more time to my kids. If there’s an inexpensive doctor near by can I please have the contact info? I want to make sure she really has ADHD and get her the help/medication needed.

God Bless

I am an ADHD father with two teen daughters with ADHD. We also have ODD (opposition defiance disorder). So first thing with girls, ADD/ADHDers suffer from low dopamine uptake. This is the primary reason for the self-esteem and depression like symptoms. ADHDers seek dopamine boosting activity, this is part of the distraction and hyper-focus that can occur. With boys, their testosterone and engaging activity can come off as being hyper and intense. With girls though, their estrogen makes their moods go through more extreme highs and lows and then gets amplified by their menstrual cycle. When dopamine is low, their estrogen levels then puts them into some fairly withdrawn or dark places and can cause anxiety and depression too. This irregularity in their brain chemistry can make medication vary as well. If your child is having extreme anger, then they might have ODD. In normal brains, people have brakes on their fight/flight reflex. In ADHD, underdeveloped frontal lobes can cause one or more co-morbid traits. With ODD, the amygdala doesn't have those breaks and thus before the individual can even realize it, they are reacting with anger or even violence as their fight/flight reflex triggers. Medication doesn't help the ODD, but CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) helps immensely. In fact, I would focus on the CBT first before trying to develop ADHD coping tools. It should be noted, ODD is involuntary. If you argue or threaten an ODDer when they have an outbreak they will just reinforce their fight triggering. With CBT, you calm them down, teach them to pause and recognize what is happening. That it isn't their fault and then review how to properly emotionally respond. Make sure to give them time to learn this. Be patient. If you can't control your own anger and just feed the fighting, then there is a good chance you have the condition too and should get screened as ADHD and co-morbid traits are genetically inherited. I had gone diagnosed for over 40 years. My mother and I have always argued at the drop of a hat and were unable to not argue. We never understood why. Once I was diagnosed, and then learned about ODD, I read up on CBT and was able to self teach it. After about 6 months of practicing it with my family, I barely trigger if ever and can calm myself. When I can't a hug, or some one rubbing the middle of my back between the shoulder blades or head soothes me, it has to do with nerve endings in our spine from when we were cradled and soothed as babies. Weighted blankets work too. Same concept as those thunder vest for pets. It puts even pressure around your body and makes your nerves soothed. All of these same techniques have worked with our daughters. The difference has been their estrogen/menstrual cycles. This is something we are still trying to solve as at the super low parts of their cycle my oldest daughter has started getting very overwhelmed, lacking motivation and self-esteem and she started hitting herself when her emotions overload her cortex. The overload then feedbacks into her brain and makes the overload worse, this last few months have gotten harder for the soothing methods to work. She is 16. We found it was stress from school getting harder for her that was causing the overload. The overload has gotten bad enough at times that we have had to restrain her on a number of times and call the police because we couldn't get her to calm down.

I know this all seems fair intense. And it is. But, the most important thing is to love your child, to not put negativity on them and support their self-esteem. ADHDers can easily fall into self hating and blaming themselves. Society is going to treat them like they are undisciplined or bad people, so you can't. My mother never really helped me, and instead would say "you're smart enough to figure this out". What your kids need to hear is "I love you, this is not your fault and we are going to figure this out. You are going to be ok.". If things get extreme enough that you feel you need help, here are some pointers:

1) Learn about ADHD and comorbidity. Dr Russell Barkley is the best place to start. He knows his stuff and is the leading expert.

2) ADHD is on a spectrum. It can vary based on gender and comorbid traits. All ADHDers have low dopamine. Stimulant medication boosts our dopamine as in not addictive to ADHDers and is fairly safe for us to take because our brain chemistry is different. So find a expert, and then find the right meds for your ADHDers.

3) When ADHDers overreact, remember they have no filter and lack emotional regulation. This means they go from 0-60 in a split second. When they are happy, they are OVER HAPPY!!!! when they are sad, they are at the lowest low or maddest mad. Just help point this out to them. Guide them to a proper reaction without making them feel judged. Let them know you are helping them be aware of the emotional level they are at.

4) When an ADHDer is unable to calm down or they seem dangerous (like with ODD as a comorbid trait), don't escalate any conflict. Often, mental health issues are lessened away from home because being around less familiar people and places causes a person to be more reserved and mindful. If you have a friend or family member that is supportive and understands what is going on, they could come over and just their presence may cause the episode to stop.

5) If nothing seems to be helping, restrain and soothe them. If they still don't calm down, and you call the police then make sure to let them know there is mental health issues, explain the ADHD issues and ODD traits if they have them. Usually the police showing up causes the overstimulated ADHDer to calm down. If things get to this point, stay calm. Do not press charges or treat your child like a criminal or enemy. They are not behaving this way on purpose and they will grow out of it with proper CBT training, medication and coping tools. Your child needs to feel secure. The police and any EMTs are there to help keep all of you safe. Make sure your house is labelled as a mental health home. Have the police bring in mental health unit as they are the ones trained to help your child and give you the support and information to get further help. If your child needs to be transported, have EMTs show up, go with your child to the hospital and make sure the doctors are informed of their condition and what is happening so they can give a proper screening.

phew... that was a lot more than I expected to put out there. Hope this helps. Let me know if anyone has questions.

Mninja profile image
Mninja in reply to NateJ

Hi...I read ur detailed answer n found it quiet impressive.just wanted to know are meds for this conition r safe.n effective as I've heard after some months these meds effectiveness diminishes.n sometimes they stop working.kindly reply.

We're brand new to this and I feel your pain. We have a 5-year-old recently diagnosed with ADHD. Her problem is with impulsiveness and being aggressive (hitting other kids) when overwhelmed. She is having trouble at school during line-up and free time. She has friends now but I worry she may not be able to maintain them. Some of the kids already say she's mean. She is the height of a 7-year-old so that doesn't make anything easier. Adults expect her to be acting much older than she can. She's embarrassed by her actions. We're starting cognitive behavioral therapy, a social skills group and once per week after-school yoga. Any other suggestions from anyone?

Hi, I am not a mum but I am a 15 year old girl with hyperactive ADHD. I find it really hard to make and keep friends. My mum took me to a lot of ADHD meetings with other kids with the same issue and this helped a lot. I also went on a lot of camps. My mum also took me to counselling and we talked about how to control my feelings and strategies that I could use to help me when I was getting upset.

Hi Emmy,

My daughter have ADHD too, I know it's hard to deal with the situation if you're not use to it. My husband and I seek a professional help so that our daughter will overcome this situation. We brought her to ADHD children clinic in London and we were very happy because she's showing some improvements.

Hi! My daughter is 7, going on 8. She has mixed-type ADHD and sensory processing disorder. She was also diagnosed early (3.5.) Have you looking into an Occupational Therapy evaluation? Often kids with ADHD have co-occurring sensory difficulties that can hinder their ability to regulate their bodies which leads to social disengagement, and difficulty learning. We cannot learn or engage with others appropriately if we are not regulated, and cannot be regulated if our sensory systems are imbalanced.I would also encourage you to learn about executive functioning difficulties (which is what ADHD really boils down to) and how helping to build and strengthen these in your daughter will help her tremendously. I am not affiliated with the following people, but highly recommend looking into them: Ryan Wexelblatt “the adhd dude” (his information often mentions boys, but is just as true and effective with girls), @grownowtherapy on Instagram, @cariebertseminars on Instagram, the book “Smart but Scattered”, and Russell Barkley.

I hope that’s helpful!

You may also like...