For the second day in a row, my 6 year old has had to be removed from the classroom for getting overly upset and refusing to calm down. I've done everything that I have read and that has been suggested to me by professionals. The bad news from school never seems like it's going to end.
I know it's not about me but, if you'll indulge me for a moment? I just want to crawl into bed and never get out. All of my friends have well-behaved kids with lots of friends but they don't invite my child. I have a periodically frustrated, out-of-control child who other kids appear to be afraid-of. I hurt for him. My job is to give my child a beautiful life and I am failing miserably.
I need strength to keep trying, when I have to walk past parents who look at me funny everyday and face a teacher who must resent me. His future looks so bleak and I can't seem to help him, no mattention how hare I try. I'm helpless, useless. No one seems to understand and now it's just my humilating secret.
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ScaredMommy2
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ScaredMommy2- I first need to start by giving you a very big..long HUG. I can pretty much say we have all been there and guess what the next day we gather ourselves dry the tears and put one foot in front of the other becuase our children need us... we need to advocate for them.
This is a very hard journey and non of us chose it... but we are all traveling together.
A few thoughts.. it sounds like things at school need to change for your child. There needs to be someone at school who your child can trust and be supported by. Can you find that person? This should be a person trained ( a special education teacher) to help your child.
Here are a few suggestions... whatever person diagnosed your child with ADHD should write you a letter which you bring to the school so they can write an IEP or 504 plan.
I am not sure what steps have already been set up.
Please know you are supported by all of us and know you can handle this.
Please message me if you need more support than what you get on the blog.
Take care..
Amen! My wife and I have an adopted 11 year-old son that was born addicted to Opioids. He is severe ADHD and has a variety of anxieties. There is of course more to the story, but we have come to the realization that we will not get the best education for him in our public school system. My wife is an educator in the school system and this conclusion was well debated in our home since he began middle school last summer. We have an IEP and a 504 plan in place and it worked well in elementary. The schools here are wonderful, however he will learn better enrolled in a virtual school at home with me as his coach. This will put strains on our family, but it is the best path for us to take here. We are hopeful that he can finish his sixth grade year in school and begin virtual in seventh grade. One thing we (family of seven) constantly hold on to is our faith in God and that helps immeasurably.
in reply to
Shaper....your post really caught my attention, as our 3 ADHD children are also adopted. We have a 10 yr old son(mild ADHD), 8 yr old daughter(moderate ADHD) and 7 yr old son(severe ADHD and SPD). But we didn't have the drug exposure to deal with, I am sure that complicates the situation. Our children are enrolled in a small private school so they get a lot more teacher time, but even so our 7 yr old is really struggling with school. Your last sentence brought joy to my heart, as we also constantly hold on to our faith in God to help get us through the tough times and praising him for the good days!
Please consider checking out the TILT Parenting website and the 7-day challenge. It is geared toward parents who have felt like you do. It isn't all about how to manage your child. While it shares resources (podcasts) it really provides support to the parent and helps shift the mindset that you are experiencing to a more empowered one. I remember feeling as you do when my son was small. It gets better. Maturity helps and getting the school to better support you and your son really helps. Although you might feel like the only parent with a behaviorally different child, you are not. I guarantee he isn't the only one at that school who isn't getting the support he needs and is struggling with his behavior as a result. All behavior is communication. Every kid does well if he can. If he isn't doing well it's because he lacks the skills needed to do better (emotional regulation, conflict resolution, sensory processing, etc). It's not his fault and it's not your fault. It's all about identifying needs and getting skills taught that will allow your son to get his needs met through appropriate replacement behaviors.
Helpless, hopeless, scared, embarrassed, depressed...I can empathize! Jealous of other kids, parents, and families that don’t have these struggles. Please start researching broad spectrum micronutrients. They helped my son with emotional regulation, aggression, depression, and anxiety. His attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity are also continuing to improve every day. There are two companies, Hardy Nutritionals and True Hope.
I'm so sorry. We were in the same place recently. My stress level has/had been through the roof. I kept our son home one Monday to give him more time to recuperate from a previous week's incident where he got into trouble and had to go in a room afterward with the enforcer (vice principal) where she berrated him for over 20min. I had a reason for keeping him home - an earlier week where it was bad, his anxiety carried over to the following Monday and he then got suspended for saying something bad back to a girl who accused him of stealing another kids computer login. (he didn't, he can't even remember his own). Anyway we realized early on that our child has severe anxiety and so whenever someone acusses him of something, he goes into "fight or flight" mode and lashes back. We've already increased his zoloft to 75mg so I was desperate to try anything and decided to try to give him cbd. I gave it to him that Friday night and by Saturday I could already see him getting a little better and by Tues morning I felt he could go back. That was a week or so before Thanksgiving break. I've been giving it to him ever since and don't plan to change anything. (he had and still takes zoloft, Adderall, guanfacine and now cbd). We've only had one small issue since the cbd was added, but nothing like before. We also started the Nemechek Protocol last summer and I truly think that that has helped as well. We started a brand new (public from small private school) this year (not really by choice, our child's old school felt they couldn't help him) and it's been an enormous struggle. I don't want to jinx it because it's really early still, but I'm hopeful that we've made it over the mountain top and well I pray. There's something else I would like to try, the monarch eTNS machine that sounds promising. I saw a thread on here the other day..
I was actually just reading her post because I could relate so much. I am the one who has tried the monarch etns device with my son. We are one week into school and no major problems. He did go to basketball the other night and now I'm afraid he's going to get kicked off the team because he was so out of control, but school has gone well so that is an accomplishment. We are still not sure if he will have to go back onto medication after the four to eight weeks of using the machine. I can tell you that my son has o d d and that has gotten significantly better. He is calmer, he is still struggling with Focus. I am nervous about putting him back on medication because he had so many negative side effects with so many ups and downs
The adhd meds actually increased our son's anxiety. So we only have him on a super low dose which I don't even know if it's doing anything for him anyway. Our son used to do hockey but when he started getting depressed last spring, he stopped wanting to go and would have major meltdowns when we tried to make him go. It was causing him anxiety. He worries about everything. If a kid gives him a hard time about missing a puck or a coach yelling or now full ice this year (icing). So when we tried to make him go, he just acted up when on ice, knocking all the kids water bottles down and pushing kids in line etc. (I guess it was his way of coping, subconsciously wanting to get kicked off the ice). He went to one hockey practice after I gave him cbd and - cross fingers, he says he's going to go to a game tonight. We'll see. My husband's hopes are up and gets disappointed when our son says he can't go. Last time he hid under our dining room table right before having to go and was chewing on his shirt (he does when stressed) and crying. Poor guy. Breaks my heart. But he's really doing tremendously better after putting him on cbd. I can't even tell you how much he's changed. He's making friends, teachers are finally seeing the kid we know he is and can be. We also started the Nemechek Protocol over the summer and even before starting the cbd, we started seeing improvements (more eye contact, listening better, less defiant etc. but the anxiety was/is still there). He used to break down when we tried to do homework with him. Now he can do it on his own without fuss. It's just been an enormous turn around. That was all before the cbd. The cbd just calmed him down at school (and hopefully hockey). There is light at the end of the tunnel.
ADHD medications also cause my son's anxiety to go through the roof which causes him to act out in an anxious manner. What brand of CBD do you use? Can you order it online?
I use Lazarus naturals. Yes, you can order online. I use the rso which is the strongest and full spectrum. It's not cheap, but I get a discount because I was in the military at one time. I have to give him 1/4 - 1/2 of a teaspoon. It tastes awful and he hated it so I had to buy empty vegetable capsules on Amazon that I now fill 4 capsules of and give him in the morning and after school. I might eventually only need to give it to him in the morning, but for now I don't want to change anything. Cross your fingers for us that we can get him to go to the hockey game tonight.
I will say a prayer for him to get through the game!! I think we are going to get the Monarch another two weeks before trying anything new. I will keep you posted on that also
He got dressed at home, was in a good mood but when they got to the hockey rink he simply broke down crying and in distress. He just couldn't find the courage to do it. My husband was really disappointed which my son sees and puts on even more pressure. I'm just happy he's doing well at school and with time and healing maybe he will want to try again.
While he was Brave to get dressed and go, I'm sure that that took a lot of effort. We never know all the little thoughts and fears that are running through our children's heads. He will get there someday
Having these children it makes us stronger and braver than we know. I cannot tell you how many times I have cried myself to sleep or just layed with my child crying. He is going to be 9 next week. Giant hugs to you momma. Unfortunately we are so alone, other people do have well behaved kids, other people can go out with friends because they can find a babysitter and not worry about their children, and you might not get invited to play dates because of your child , but you have the greatest gift of all. They love you and you love them. You Are Not Alone! So many of us are in the same nightmare. I hate to say it that way because I love my child so much oh, but it is very difficult. Try to think of the small things that your child does and those accomplishments. Give him positive praise for those activities and things he does well. We started doing positive coaching with our son. For example, I like it when you walk to the car with me. When you run it makes me scared that you're not safe and when you're walking I know you're safe and I can enjoy walking with you and that makes me happy. I hope this helps and I hope your child and you have better days. I am glad that you posted, I know the exact feeling. Big hugs
Yes, yes, yes. I can relate to all of this. My son has similar issues with regulating emotions and disrupting the class.
FBA and BIP. If the school hasn’t done it yet then they should. You may be able to write in similar things on an IEP if you have one.
My son is able to take breaks when he needs to during the day. He is able to go to school counselors to calm down if he needs to. School counselors do a check in/check out with him everyday. My son is also on some medications and goes to a therapist.
I also recommend Tilt Parenting and the Bright and Quirky idea lab.
One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. You can do this! Keep asking questions, keep reaching out for help, keep trying new things, keep loving your child. ❤️
I think there are so many of us here who in any given day could have written your post. And that’s one of the many benefits of this wonderful parents’ community—we’ve all been there, we all understand, in a way that parents’ without an ADHD kid just can’t (and that I, before my son’s diagnosis, couldn’t). It’s a day-by-day journey, with triumphs and set backs at every turn. And giving ourselves the grace and space to have those days where we just sit in a corner and cry or pull the covers over our heads is something we all have to do. Like any challenge in life, the only way through it is THROUGH it. And that includes being allowed to be angry, or scared, or frustrated or sad. I find once I give those things space to come up and out, they lose their power, at least for a little while. I so value this group because it’s a safe space for those things and EVERYONE understands and offers compassion. It’s a true gift.
I offer hugs and wishes for brighter days. It does get better. And sometimes, it does get worse, unfortunately. Your child is so lucky to have you, because through it all, you’ll be right there, trying to do the right thing and fighting for other to do the same. And it may not always look perfect or pretty, but being there is a lot. ❤️
Thank you so much for the thoughts and comforting words. They mean so much to me.
Teacher pulled me aside Friday after school to tell me that my son had a great day. I don't get it. He was late that day while I sat on the floor with him outside the classroom while he just cried. He was sad that he couldn't have good days. He tries so hard but he just gets so mad.
I realize that I'm not sure what my son won't do or what he can't do. His father and I are certainly not on the same page in our view of that. We're starting PCIT on Wednesday, so I'm hopeful we can learn some more positive, consistent and effective tools.
We've all been there. My son has been dis-enrolled from a day camp and a preschool due to his issues (ADHD + ODD), plus we were somewhat passively-aggressively encouraged not to reapply to another preschool. (There was a distinct lack of communication between the preschool and us and between the preschool and his teachers at a part-time county special needs program that suggested a lack of interest on the preschool's part). We know the challenges and have gotten the calls and pulled-aside-to-talks from principals and teachers.
It' a journey, we are like many folks here doing all we can to research positive parenting techniques, find schools that work for our kids, etc. My family is just starting down those paths.
About the only thing I can offer is try to find the positives. In and among all of our challenges and challenging days, there are those moments my son makes me laugh, has fun at an activity, or just snuggles on the couch with Daddy. Look for and hold on to those moments.
Dear ScaredMommy2....here's a hug from me! Thanks also to all those of you who responded to ScaredMommy2. Been there, done that...all the sleepless nights, the tears of sadness, frustration, and helplessness, feeling so alone, frightened and misunderstood, the wanting to crawl under the covers and just stay there blocking all the hurt out, and forcing ourselves to square our shoulders and put one foot in front of the other when that's the last thing you feel like doing. Some days it's just plain hard! And then you get a glimmer of hope...a good day! And you say there, that's our goal...to have more good days! Before every beautiful rainbow, there is usually a storm! I will say if you don't already have a good psychiatrist on board, now might be a good time to consider finding one. I would be really lost without the support of our psychiatrist.
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My husband was really disappointed which my son sees and puts on even more pressure. I'm just happy he's doing well at school and with time and healing maybe he will want to try again. 
Son cries so easily - ADHD
Feeling very overwhelmed and alone!
So dismayed and frustrated!
ADHD instigating and antagonizing 
