New approach with school

[ADHD_DAD]

Each school year since my son's diagnosis with ADHD 6 years ago started roughly the same way. We have a meeting with the teaching team who describes in detail their observations of my son in class (he seems to lack focus...), claims near ignorance of the details of the 504 plan, and indicate that things would be better if he would just pay better attention. They then all but ignore the plan and eventually claim that my son doesn't understand the "concepts" (despite him getting straight A's in everything except Math where he has about an 85 average) They end the year by opposing any new accommodations because the "teachers are the experts" and they should be allowed to "teach as they see fit." This year I tried something different. I requested a meeting with the first teacher to ignore the 504 plan together with a member of the administration and pointed out specifically where the plan was not being followed. Of course, the teacher claimed she was unaware of those portions of the plan, so I walked her through them and scheduled a follow up meeting, the purpose of which is to check the teacher's progress on following the plan. I was polite and professional, but unwavering in my insistence that the plan be followed. I then scheduled a similar meeting with the rest of the team. Before that meeting could be completed, I received a call from an administrator who claimed the teachers didn't want to have to demonstrate compliance with the 504 plan to me. Rather, they see parent meetings as a time to discuss the student's progress, not the teacher's. However, I have not cancelled the meeting and each teacher has now begun to follow the plan to the letter. In the past, I relied upon the school personnel to enforce the plan to my son's detriment. My decision to enforce it myself has proven to be much more effective. I am sure that I am not the most popular parent, but this is not about me. It is about my son. I will never tire of advocating for him. I just wish I had been more proactive in the past.

[Onthemove1971]

ADHD_DAD-

I applaud you for what you have done this year! I am both a teacher ( I get to see the inside workings) and a parent with a child who has ADHD and in the past had teachers who, until we had a meeting ( with admin.) didn't seem on board to work with me or my son.

I have always found when I sit in a meeting, they change what is "not" working.

Last year I had a teacher tell me she never got my e-mails, that is why she didn't respond, SO I do not communicate on the phone but by e-mail and will bring copies when I am not being responded to. When I say not responded to I mean (more then 10 messages with no responses).

Both you and I are strong advocates and are willing to sit in front of teachers and discuss the issues, I am sad for all of those families, guardians and grandparents raising children that have a hard time insisting their children need help.

This year our son has amazing teachers that really want him to learn...

Best of luck and great job on being a strong advocate.

[dubstepMaul]

Hi ADHD dad, yes we have to be our kid's champions and you certainly are your son's champion! Way to go! My son is grown now but I was involved this way as well and no I wasn't the most popular parent either but as you said it is about our kids not us.

[MomofOne13]

Thank you for your post today. I'm heading into a meeting this afternoon with my son's EC teacher (in preparation for an IEP meeting next week). This helps remind me to stay firm with what I know he needs.

[ADHD_DAD]

Good luck. I have been consistently advised that the only real way to get the teachers to do what's right is to make it more difficult not to do what's right. In my case, their trepidation about having to meet with me to demonstrate in detail how they are following the plan is resulting in them following the plan. Whatever works. The best advice I have ever received about these meetings came from my special ed lawyer who reminded me to allows be the adult in the room. Good luck and don't give up the fight!!

[Pennywink]

Thanks for sharing your experiences! Next month is our first 504 meeting - fingers crossed! Thankfully my son's school seems to really GET it when it comes to mental health & neurodivergent students, so not planning I will have a fight (but am ready if there has to be one.)

[Shamasamdrew]

I am doing something very similar with my son’s school this year. Last year, because I am a speech language pathologist, I gave them the professional courtesy that they could actually accomplish a 504 plan. without me supervising every move. Much like I can do my job without someone sitting over my shoulder, but I found out that they are incapable so this year I am treating them as such. After not providing one of my son’s services for most of the year last year and having no excuse for it, I have now decided that I will be more vocal and follow through on every little detail because my son deserves to get each one of his accommodations. I beefed up his 504 for this year and CANNOT wait until our first meeting. I am going to be professional and polite and make sure everything gets done. One of my son’s former teachers who also has a child with ADHD told me when she advocates for him with the district that also happens to be her employer, all she cares about is her son. She doesn’t care what they think of her. Same same!

[Alliea79]

I want to stand up and clap so much and so hard!!!! Last year was the first I realized that just because the teachers were given the education in educating, if I didn’t go above and beyond to educate myself in both my rights as well as the crazy task of teaching myself best practice in teaching in a way my daughter can learn.

I am still so far behind because of my blind trust til last year (GRADE SIX!!!). My family is beginning to suffer financially because this has become an urgent and full time job.

I am angry that anyone has to and will suffer if they cannot do this work. And I am devastated for the many parents that simply cannot devote the energy time and money that I have. Like really really angry.

I am so proud of each and every person that steps up the way you did. It is tough to go in knowing you are balancing making the teacher irritated by you alone and not going so far as it then reflects onto the educators relationship with you child.

[Jjmbdthx7 in reply to Alliea79]

It’s not easy to advocate for the kids. But this feed encourages me that there are others feeling like me and (like me) learning how to get what the children need-not just what a broken system wants to give.

[willowadhd]

This is just GORGEOUS!!!! Feel so so proud of yourself I am inspired!

[Dsmith05]

Big thumbs up!!

[Janice_H]

I do not blame you for taking action when the school is not following the plan. I am experiencing similar difficulties with my son's IEP. He recently changed schools and the IEP services he received last year are no longer being provided. I have asked about this numerous times but either I do not get a direct answer or there is no response at all. He has been in the new school for almost a month now and has not received his special education services for language arts. He also is not receiving the dedicated time for math services. There is a meeting scheduled in 2 weeks. I have been documenting every conversation that has taken place since he began the new school. Sadly I may have to do exactly what you do. I will be hated by all but I really do not care.

[eeyore13]

Way to go, dad!! As a teacher I never understood why fellow teachers didn't want to follow 504/IEP plans. I always felt that I had been handed a "how-to guide" on how to best help this child learn and succeed. It may have taken a little more time on my part to implement, but isn't the success of the student one of the perks of teaching?

[Jjmbdthx7 in reply to eeyore13]

Thank you for being a good teacher. It’s a tough job, but how many things can we do that can impact a child’s whole life? Thank you, thank you.

[Jjmbdthx7]

Good for you! Are you familiar withe the IDEA regs and your state’s dept of education website? Tons of information that helps you defend your position. And that will lead you to what could be an associate’s degree in advocacy...much to learn to equip you with the law, that provides well for your child.

Never give up! Your child is worth it!!