“Bad” first day of school

[Maggie611]

My son who is 7 yrs old and has been diagnosed with Moderate ADHD, with hyperactivity, is challenging me on his first day of school. “ I hate school.” For some reason mornings are triggers for me when my son is in school because I not only have to get him off to school but myself off to work. I will admit my fuse is much shorter in the morning than usual. I have way more reserves of patience at other times. I meticulously try to interact with him in a positive, loving yet firm way but this morning I was yelling and screaming. Because it is not my usual presentation he did cry, which ofcourse made me feel guilty. We did process on the way to school what mornings needed to look like and that I didn’t appreciate his negativity. Although I am raising him as a single mom he has been afforded many opportunities that others don’t have. He just doesn’t appreciate anything. He is ungrateful. It’s infuriating to me. Trying to be patient with his condition but I feel at times that I just can’t tolerate his ungrateful ness and bad attitude. I work so hard and and returning to school myself. His morning behaviors are that he’s constantly reiterating how much he hates school, is super needy ( keeps asking for things) he normally knows how to get himself when it’s not a school day, complains about everything. I am a positive person and having a negative kid is challenging for me. Any suggestions??? Or similar experiences??

[Elijah1]

Why does he hate school? Ask him to give one or more reasons. Is it difficult? Are there social or bullying issues? Is he anxious?

[Maggie611 in reply to Elijah1]

I have asked him and he says he just hates it. He does exceptional and at times will say he’s bored. He still needs help with assignments as he’s in 2nd grade. He has gotten a little better since reaquainting with his school buddies. No bullying that I e seen or that he has mentioned. I think he is anxious as he was nervous about lunch of all things. Could be a little social anxiety about new routines or not knowing what to expect.

[dubstepMaul]

Hi Maggie, first off, hugs to you.

Remember, our ADHD kiddos have a deficit with self regulation, so it happens often that they can be loud and verbose with complaints, arguments, and overreaction. My kids are grown now but what helped in my household was the infusion of humor.

Not discounting that your son may be having real difficulty in school. Does he have an IEP in place? Accommodations can help with some of the problem areas.

Your post triggered a memory: when my son was about 8, I was taking him to a summer day camp near where I worked. Every day on the way there he would say "this place is my worst nightmare" which of course brought me much anxiety, I was paying buku bucks as it was a really good camp. Now 20 years later I mentioned this to him and he said "did I say that? I loved that camp"!!

[Maggie611 in reply to dubstepMaul]

Thank you for your much needed hug today. I do try to be fu by but then I worry “ Am I being too permissive?” My anxiety definitely goes up when he acts out or is just being loud, verbose, negative because for me it triggers my greatest fears; where is this going to lead to in the future; jail? Drugs? As a single mom, I carry such a burden of responsibility. It’s so nice to speak to someone who’s on the other side now. I do what I can each day. I try to spend as much time with him as I can, be present and involved. My son is extremely bright and excels at school A’s. He doesn’t need an IEP as he was tested but was approved for a 504B, he has accommodations in class because he’s so active/hyper, and to put it lightly he’s a wise guy. Says he wants to be a comedian when he gets older. Lol

He’s got a strong personality and is stubborn as heck. I guess it would suit him in his future endeavors as CEO but in 2nd grade it doesn’t fly.

I had Caleb via artificial insemination at 40, so it’s been challenging. I, too, payed bucu bucks for a camp that he was KICKED out of for trying to run after an incident ( still unclear). He’s also been kicked out of Pre-pre K. Until starting medication I’d be getting calls from his current school regularly. I put him in a private school and he seems to be thriving there; has his friends, and academically he does well. So fingers crossed it gets better from here.although I hear middle school and high school have it’s own challenges. I appreciate any feedback, suggestions, advice that you have. I hope you have a great day and thank you for reaching out.

Maggie

[Maggie611 in reply to Maggie611]

Fu by—- was supposed to mean funny! Lol

[dubstepMaul in reply to Maggie611]

Hi Maggie, well it sounds like you are an amazing mom. 😊 Try not to worry about the future...so much can change between now and then. Being a mom is hard isn't it, we are always second guessing ourselves.

That's great that your son does well in school. My son always struggled academically, although behavior was not too bad. The worst thing he did was get suspended for fighting in 6th grade, but I was totally fine with that actually because the boy he fought had been bullying him for years.

And stubbornness can be a good thing. My daughter was always such a headstrong child, yet I knew that stubbornness could be harnessed for positive things. And sure enough, she did dig her heels in where appropriate, like not giving in to peer pressure.

Sounds like your boy has the makings to really be an amazing man someday! Trust yourself, you know him better than anyone. Always be his champion, and provide consistency and structure. That is my advice.

God bless!

-Sharon

[Hidden]

My mornings used to be tough. I started with waking up before my 7yo son. Doing all I needed to do and enjoying to quiet. I created a morning checklist with a sharpie on a dry erase board in the exact order I need him to do it in. When I first started this. I would walk him thru his check list and as time went on, I did less and less.

I also wake him up with music. My sons biggest frustration was once he got to school he was soooooooo fidgety which would be confused with bad behavior which led to him hating school because he was always in trouble. It was a domino effect. Giving him short dance break in between morning task helps him release some of his energy before school. Which started out his day well.

And so many parents disagree with this next part. But it works for my son. He get 15 to 20 mins to play video games in the morning. My son lives video games and I found that when he didnt play the video games in the morning. That's all he thought about all day. His focus was consistently on when he got home to play. I now verify that his entire check list is done which includes brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, making his bed, checking his bookbag, etc. Then I set a timer, and he get to play for some time.

We just finish one week of school. NO PHONE CALLS HOME! I'm excited for second grade this year for my sweet boy. I hope this helps!