What is going on.....

[Searching36]

My son usually tries to get his way. It does not work because I have rules. I’m divorced and whenever he sees his father which is not often, he gets whatever he wants and there are no rules. This has gone on for years. So it’s nothing new.

Ok a couple of nights ago, I took my son to Dave and Busters. When it was time to go I said son let’s go. He asked to stay longer and I said no. He he sadly left with his lips poked out and was not happy at all. When we got home he said Mom my Dad asked me to come live with him when I’m older. I like expensive things and he gives me anything I want. You don’t. You drive a Kia and he drives a Lexus. You have a little house and he has a big 2 story house so I want to go live with him.

This has never happened before. It really hurt and I don’t understand. Why would he say such a hurtful thing to me? He’s only 10 years old. Why???????

[Hidden]

So, I have some experience, legally and otherwise with this kind of thing. He's a kid. Kids don't like boundaries and being told no. But you have always been his parent and always have been. Is it easy to have the other parent be the "Disneyland dad"? No. But at some point you have to accept that you can't change the other parent. Think back to your childhood. What do you remember? I remember Disneyland only vaguely. What I do remember is waking up in the 8morning. Breakfast. School. Coming home, watching a little T.V., doing homework, getting tucked into bed.

Kids don't remember the other stuff, they remember that you were there for them, that you loved them and cared for them and that you set boundaries. He doesn't realize it now. That's ok. Also, I tell people all the time that everyone thinks that the first 18 years of a child's life is the end all and be all. Not so much. Our kiddos are going to go to college, maybe, get married, have babies and live long lives. Kids brains are not even formed until they are 25. It has been my experience that they figure things out. They know who was there for them and who just paid lip service to their relationship.

It's ok. Just love him. It hurts. Their words hurt. But be confident in the foundation you have laid and the love you have given. it is enough.

[Searching36 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. And you’re right it does hurt and it hurts a lot. I just hope that things don’t change because I have rules. I do understand what you’re saying though.

[Pennywink]

I'm sorry to hear that - I'm sure it must hurt.

I think part of it may just be being 10. My kids frequently tell me they want to live at Grandma's - because they get to constantly do fun things at Grandma's. I remember feeling the same way as a kid. I realize it must be harder when the person they say they want to live with is an ex, but I think it's just a variation of the same idea. I try not to take it too personally. (And I know if they did live at Grandma's, they would find the party will end much sooner than they expect.)

*HUG*

[Searching36 in reply to Pennywink]

Thanks, and you’re right that comment ripped my heart out.

[Janice_H]

Let him go live with his father if he chooses. In fact, let him know he does not have to wait until he is older. You will have lots more free time to sleep late, lay around the house with nothing but bra and panties on, skip cooking and eat tasty cakes for dinner if you desire. He will outgrow his selfish hurtful comments eventually. It is a phase our kids go through. Yes, it hurts, but they will outgrow the phase.

My son has said the same hurtful things "I can't wait to move out of here" "I hate it here" "You never let me do anything" "I want to go live with my dad" I tell him he is welcome to go there the same day he makes the comments.

[Searching36 in reply to Janice_H]

Wow!