Tired of Everything: Hello parents, I... - ADHD Parents Toge...

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Tired of Everything

Hello parents, I feel like my 12 y.o. son with ADHD is ruining my life. Every day I feel out of sorts because of something he has done. I try to make sense out of the things he does but cannot. Over the weekend, he went outside to urinate in the yard. We have 2 bathrooms that were free. We do not live in a private area so lots of other neighbors could have seen this. He also has gotten into my fingernail polish, pulled stuffing out of his bed and scratched paint off of the walls. This morning he decided to use the bathroom in my kitchen sink because he could not wait for me to come out of the bathroom. He is overweight and steals food after being told not to eat anything else. I have considered putting a lock on the kitchen door.

Most days I feel hatred towards him and I cannot wait to drop him off to camp just to get away from him. When it is time to pick him up I feel dreadful. I have tried taking things away, canceling fun events, punishment and spankings. None of these consequences work. I am totally exhausted and at my wits end and do not know what to do about his odd behaviors.

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Janice_H- I am right there with you on the exhausted part. It takes so much extra energy to raise a child with ADHD. The one thing that has helped us is to lock up most of the tempting food with a number lock on our pantry, this at least cuts down on what he eats and when. Our son takes medication that helps to decrease his impulsive behavior, but he still does stuff that is off.. most of our frustration is him not listening becuase he is hyper focused on something he is doing.

My recommendation is try to make a list of top priorities and focus on those and then let the rest go, knowing he will be on his own and can do dumb stuff when he becomes an adult in his own place.

One last thing is that often our kids are much less mature than other kids and therefore they are doing things like a younger child.

Lastly, can you find a friend to have coffee with or go shopping with to try to take your mind off all of the stress, this helps a lot.

Thanks for sharing we are right here with you!

Take care

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Hi Onthemove1971, He has been off meds since last summer. The incidents come and go. He will go a couple weeks without doing anything unusual and then there will be a week filled with problems. Daily he has trouble with listening and following directions. Really wish I could understand his logic. This weekend a dear friend is meeting me for lunch, but I do need to make social time a regular activity because I feel trapped.

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Thanks for responding.. I know this is going to sound strange, but could he go back on medication ( not sure why you stopped or if you had the right type, dose and timing of medication) for a trial and compare his and your quality of life on and off?

There are many studies that look at children who are stable on medication that tend to make better choices and therefore resist making bad choices. They say they are less likely to do drugs in the future and do better in school..

I know our son and our quality of life is so much better with him on medication. In fact we can tell right when it is time for his second dose for the day. We also go to thearpy with him so they can discuss why he does things that are not normal or why he thinks about things that are not normal things or he tells me to change the way I handle somethings. Since I go with him this helps me says things that need to be worked on with the blame being on me.

This trial could either help or you could look at other ways to help him, which in turn helps you.

Something to consider..

Just know we feel your pain and hope you can ( even if coffee and shopping) distract yourself for a short time, life would not seem so bad.

Bug hugs and please take care, hope you find a way to change things for you and him.

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I took him off meds last summer to give him a break. It has been quite chaotic since but i have been dealing with it. When school begins in the Fall I will put him back on. Therapy is expensive and I really do not have time to keep taking off from work to get to therapy. We both need it though. Thanks for your kind support!!

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Great things should get back to more "normal" in the fall. Good luck on surviving.

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I would recommend discussing the challenges your having with his doctor. I was advised to keep a routine of meds for my son including summer/vacation breaks and it has helped a great deal. I’ve been doing this since he was first diagnosed at age 5 and he’s now 14. With meds we don’t have challenges. Without meds he wouldn’t be able to go to camp and would b getting into trouble. No impulse control. It’s just the way he’s wired. You can certainly consider reducing the meds during the summer but I wouldn’t stop them. Sounds like u both r struggling right now so just like a diabetic that needs insulin, please consider adding medication back into the routine before school starts. 🤗

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Hi Ldydy24, I am definitely having him go back on the meds. I'm not sure how long I can continue with all the stress. My health and happiness is being affected.

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I totally understand as I’ve been there. Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. You can’t take care of him if you are also struggling. ADHD meds generally start working as soon as you take them so if you find his meds aren’t helping, don’t wait before seeking out professional help. If you are not working with child psychiatrist for his meds, I would recommend switching. They are more skilled to handle ADHD medications. Enjoy your time with your friend and make a point to have some ME time even if it’s for 30 min a day.

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I will. Thanks for caring.

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Hi. I am new to this site, however my son has been on medication for 6 years now and won’t look back. I completely understand your frustration and have been in your position. During our struggles he told me, “mom, do you think I like being like this? It’s out of my control!” I quickly realized it’s not fair to him if I take his ability (meds) away, they truly help him to make the right decisions. I hope this helps. He now is old enough and know when he can truly take a break from his meds, as it is his body for the rest of his life. - adhdmom4life

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I know he wants to be a good child and is capable of having better behavior. He probably wonders why he is always in trouble and cannot make the right decisions.

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Your words gave me hope... my son is under medication too... but it kills me everytime i give it to him.

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I used to feel like that too. I think all parents feel that way. It's normal.

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Wow, that's a a lot to deal with. I'm right there with you on the negative feelings towards your child. Right now, I can't stand my 12 yr old. Yeah yeah, I love her, but she being such a shithead right now. This morning she told me to shut up and then I said I'm outta here, you can stay home and not go to camp (she really wants to go). As I headed for my car, she took my keys and locked me out of my own house. Luckily I had a spare key, but was missing work stuff. I asked her to open the door, I even said 'come on' I'll take u.' Nope. How an I supposed to want to be around that bullshit. Seriously, I mean I know we lose power when we lose our crap, but I can't seem to look at her and feel anything positive.

Sorry, off your topic a bit. I agree with move, get him back on meds. And one day, he wont be so intolerable. Hugs

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Hi, I appreciate your honesty in your situation. WOW!!! SMH.....I've almost left my son home from camp as well - more than once. He moves extremely slow in the morning, is hard-headed and grumpy. How do you deal with her behaviors? I see why you feel the way you do.

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Schedules schedules schedules. 15 min check points. 'Good job' if she meets the check points. Some kids do really well with point systems. Your son might, we have tried with ours and I think we just spoil her. Try CPS with your son. Collaborative proactive solutions.

Step 1: Empathy: Say: Hey 'dear son I love with all my heart.' (Ha, ha) I see that you have a a hard time getting ready in the morning. Why is that? [open door for him to speak..try to drag out of him why] I know you know why, but it's important he vocalizes it. THEN step 2. State your concern: 'When you are not ready in time, it makes me late to work, you are late to camp, etc etc. How do you feel when you are late to camp? Step 3: Invite him to come up with a solution. I know you, you know what to do, but pull him to the solution and have him come up with ideas.

Then decide and state what you are going to try tomorrow. Don't expect it to work perfect the first time. We learned we had to add 15 min markers. My DD said: 'I hate when you nag me, blah blah. If she has to be ready by X time, she never is. never. She needs checkpoint. eg..be done with breakfast by 7:30, be dressed by 7:45. If your kid wants to lie back down for 5 mins, ok..plan for it. Make him get up earlier.

This method comes from 'the explosive child'. you can get templates, etc on livesinbalance.com If he responds to reward systems, 'Parenting the Defiant Child' is a great book for setting up rewards systems.

Anyway, good luck! let us know how he does!

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We both have to leave by 7:30 a.m. Otherwise I am late for work. I wake him at 7 a.m. He will lay in bed or sit on the edge of my bed until 7:25, then get up at the last minute to rush through brushing his teeth, getting dressed, etc. It happens every farking day. The only thing that motivates him to get ready is food.

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Ok. Work with that, for now. Promise x food if he gets out of bed by 7. Another treat if he is dressed by 715. Its not a long term solution, that for obvious reasons you don't want to continue. You're trying to create a habit, the food will get you there. You can drop off food rewards for something else, but just get the habits going.

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I'm sorry for what you're going through. I too have a son very much like that. He has done all that you have described about your own son and more. I've become numb to all he has done. My son is 18 now and still acts as if he can never get enough food. We did install a lock on the pantry door because he would take boxes of food meant for school lunches and eat the whole box of food. He had hoarded the boxes in his room. When he turned 15, he became physicaly abusive to me. He would get angry, and had an explosive temper. It would result in him hitting, pushing or in one instance causing me to nearly get into an accident because he was trying to attack me while I was driving. I have called the police on him twice, and sent to a behavioral hospital. I have taken him to three different therapist's through the years. All of them suggested long term residential treatment. While my son ended up moving to his dad's house across the country. His behavior did somewhat subside. He deeply regrets his actions, although it took him a long time to admit. He's gotten better as he has become older. Almost as if puberty was the driving force. I know your at your wits end, I totally feel for you. Keep your son as busy as possible. Kids like that seem to do better being outside. My son took up a hobby. He works on his dirt bike for hours a day. Releases his stresses by riding. It helps that he got a summer job and has given him a sense of purpose. These kids has a tendency of having low self esteem. The hobby and job has greatly improved his attitude of himself while giving him some extra spending money. Also, I had tried all of the punishments that you have. None seemed to work. I almost think it made things worse. Give him some control over his life. My ex allowed him to have more free rein to make decisions on his own. Maybe as your son becomes more mature you might want to try this. Just know that it does get better. It may even get worse before it gets better. Hang in there. You got this.

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You must feel awful for going through so much with the child you gave birth to. I don't know if I could cope with so much. Thank God you are alright. Was it your decision to have your son move in with his father? I am numb also and am just going through the motions of each day. My son used to be in basketball twice a week, but this tied up my free time and was costly. I also felt he did not deserve to be in something fun with all the bad behavior.

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The decision to have him move to his dad's was by my choice. As I had mentioned earlier, the therapist's recommended long term residential treatment. My ex was not on board with me on that. He felt that I had exaggerated how the situation really was. The ex told me he could do a better job. Boy was he wrong. He has since asked if I would take him back. My son is in his last year of school so moving him again probably wouldn't be for the best. My son has also asked if I would let him move back in. Really though, how much abuse could any mom take? Would it be any different this time? Probably not.

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It is so difficult when both parents are not on the same page. This can be a real conflict. So glad your ex is experiencing what you went through and knows you were not exaggerating. I hope your son will be able to look back on this as a learning experience and become more loving and respectful towards you. It really hurts when our kids do not treat us the way we deserve.

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Janice you are not alone. I suggest returning to meds as you plan to do and making sure the one you are using is working as well as possible, or switch. Also try taking a step back and evaluating your methods. I hear you - sometimes nothing works for our son either. We just look on in shock and say “why why did you do that?” Usually his response is “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know why I did it”. It comes in waves for us. Good weeks/months and bad. I suggest:

- keep a log of what happens when and look for triggers. We found that sugary food even fruit juice is very difficult for our son to handle. It sets him off on wild behaviors. Also prolonged playing of video games/screen time without breaks are our trigger plus quick transitions without lots of advance warning. We have to give him multiple heads up before we are going to change what he is doing.

- if your son has a weight problem maybe find some “unlimited” foods that he can have anytime he wants. ADHD kids need to feel in control.

- try not to immediately respond with anger/frustration. I know how hard this one is but my son tells me this makes it harder for him and some things really are out of their control. Even if they did something really crappy - and they do! - control your reaction in a way that doesn’t make it worse. That doesn’t mean there are no consequences but make them rational and even handed. You may already do this I don’t know.

Good luck good luck. You’ll make it.

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Hi Reeeba1, the log is a great idea. Usually when I get to the doctor I have forgotten all the odd behaviors I want to discuss. Controlling my reaction is a challenge for me. My last reaction was over-the-top. Yes, I regret it and feel awful. I'm afraid that my son will only have these bad memories of his childhood and there will be no positive memories.

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It is so hard. I yelled at my son this morning then apologized. I was trying to help him brush his teeth and he just kept pushing the brush out and wandering out of the bathroom and then I had to corral him again. I asked him why he was doing it and he said he didn’t know. It’s a constant battle. He asks me not to yell and sometimes I just can’t control it. It sucks. Again you are not alone.

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My son does this same stuff when I have to administer his asthma inhaler or apply sunscreen. It seems childish but he does it every time. Very frustrating.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can completely relate to the frustration. A few thoughts. I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself “why” my kid does the things she does . But you can make yourself crazy like that. The whole thing about ADHD is that it makes people do things that are illogical. Your son probably doesn’t have a good reason for doing the stuff he does - he’s just doing it. You can’t reason with someone whose brain has been hijacked. And if you’re mad and he’s mad it’s even harder. Same issue - punishments don’t really work with someone who doesn’t have control of their behavior and can’t remember or learn from the past. As far as I can tell, three things work: medication, changing the environment (making things easier) and therapy/coaching. It sounds like you really need to start by taking care of yourself. If your son is at camp during the day can you carve out any time to take a walk or do something chill for yourself? Please think of your own health, too. I am also reading a book right now called “What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew” by Dr. Sharon Saline. It’s probably the best book about ADHD I’ve read so far. Good luck!

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Sadly, my private time is at work. Rarely do I dedicate time to do anything for myself which is why I feel so frustrated.The thing about going in the yard, when I asked what he was doing, he looked at me and said "Using the bathroom" It was as though he felt it was alright to go in the back yard. Later I asked why he did it and he did not answer. It was like he forgot doing it. The behaviors just worry me and, like you said, trying to figure it out is driving me crazy.

Can you offer any tips on changing the environment? Thanks for recommending the book.

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Changing the environment would be streamlining things at home to make life easier. So for example keeping fruits and vegetables out on the counter so he reaches for them first. Or packing your son’s backpack the night before and propping it up against the door so it’s not possible to forget it. But I do wonder if the first step needs to be getting some kind of break or help for yourself. Even if all you have is your commute, could you listen to music, a guided meditation or listen to a book? Also, medication doesn’t just have to be for school. It’s ok to want your home life to be calm and healthy - and maybe meds are necessary for that. I also think it might be possible your son has something else going on in addition to ADHD? It might be worth going through a neuropsych eval and seeing if there might be other issues. Also home coaching or family therapy could help - sometimes an outside observer can make suggestions that we wouldn’t think of.

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This weekend I was lucky to have a break both Friday and Saturday. Thing is, I was so exhausted all I wanted to do was lay in bed. His most recent neuropsych eval was 2 years ago. We definitely need therapy but it is costly and scheduling time off on a regular basis has been difficult.

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Is your son on any Meds? And if so they might have to be changed

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He was on medication but I took him off last summer to give him a break. It has been hard since then.

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I hear every word you’re saying. The stealing food thing comes and goes at our house. I have a friend with a similar issue who has a basket of acceptable snacks she leaves out and the rest gets locked away. I wonder if you would be open to looking into broad spectrum micronutrients. With your son off medications right now it would be the perfect time to start them. They are pricey and I did hear you about the expense of therapy. There are two companies, True Hope and Hardy Nutritionals. True Hope is less expensive. I would really encourage you to read up on them and give them a try if you can. Good luck!

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Hi, thanks for the suggestion. He will gorge on the acceptable snacks in a day or so. He just has no self control at all. What do the micronutrients do?

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hardynutritionals.com/produ...

Micronutrients have been found to help people with symptoms of ADHD, anxiety, ODD, mood. Our experience with our son is improved mood, better able to manage his emotions, and less aggression. I’ve given you the link to Hardy, but like I said, True Hope is less expensive and our psychiatrist did not recommend one brand over the other.

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I have a 13 year old grandson who is on meds but has some anger issues. Had a long talk with his psychiatrist yesterday. He said a lot of his anger is learned behavior, he is so used to exploding when things don't go his way that it just happens. He said he needs to learn control methods now because by 18 it will just be part of his personality.

We go to a behavioral therapist one night a week. She is trying to teach him techniques to control his anger. They both said I need to walk away and not feed into his anger because it is giving him the attention he wants. Hard to do!

I asked about micronutrients and he said it only helps 5-7% of kids. He said the only additive which has a higher success rate is omega 3 fish oil. Worth a try, I guess.

If their ADHD is not under control with medication their impulses will be hard to control.

Before my grandson was stable he would crave sweets like crazy. Now he has slimmed down and eats good food. I would get him back on his meds ASAP.

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Thanks for sharing your story. I will definitely get him back on the medication.

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Hi Janice - sounds like you got a lot of great advice here, so I'm just gonna give you a big *HUG*. Praying things improve for you both, soon!

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Thank you. I am so grateful for everyone on here. I've receive so much support!

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Of course you’re stressed because you love your child, but resentment can grow if you don’t find time for yourself and your whole identity gets wrapped up in parenting a difficult kid. In addition to finding time for myself, I try not to let my sons impulsive behaviors get to me too much. Maybe, I find some humor in it. Here’s me in some of my top past moments 1: ‘Dad, come outside and look, I made an ant mound on the front lawn!’ He poured a entire bag of weed killer on our lawn. 2: ‘Aiden, who marked up the wall mom just painted!? Is this supposed to be a picture?’ Aiden: ‘it wasn’t me’. And it’s a picture of you with a mad face ‘. 3: ‘We got an email that you pulled your pants down on the bus! Is this true!?’ Aiden: ‘Siena made me do it!’. ‘You can’t do that! You’ll get kicked out of school! And it’s creepy. You’re grounded.’ ‘I won’t ever do it again Dad’. 2 weeks later... ‘Aiden! We got a note from the principle that you pulled your pants down on the bus again!’ Aiden: ‘Sienna..’ . Dad & mom: ‘no more bus.’ 4: Policeman: ‘Aiden, you know you need to tell your parents where you’re going for a bike ride. When kids are reported missing it’s taken very seriously.’ Dad: ‘yes Aiden, what made you think it was ok to ride your bike to the next town that’s 20 miles away!’ 5: After 1 hour drive to camp, Aiden shows is bare feet to me and in a condescending tone exclaims, ‘Dad!!? You forgot my shoes!!’ Yeah..I..forgot HIS shoes.

I hope you know, you’re not alone.

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You're exactly right! I do feel as though my whole identity is organizing the life of a difficult ADHD child. OMG This is so funny. Did he really ride his bike to another town 20 miles away? You should make a journal of all these things and share with your son when he is an adult.

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Yep, he convinced the neighbors boy to go with. At the time we lived near a commuter train line & my biggest fear was someone could pull him into a train. I even searched train stops for his bike because he loved watching the trains. When they finally showed up after 9pm, we were both relieved & pissed! I could write a book on this kid & we’re not even to puberty yet. Maybe I’ll do that to keep my sanity

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You must have been beside yourself with worry. I would definitely jot all these "adventures" down just for the heck of it.

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I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I’ve been there myself and still have this struggle often. There has been so much great advise here, but I thought I would add a few of my experiences. My 10-year-old also urinates outside in our yard, right after school/camp (when 2 bathrooms are free). It used to drive me nuts but after talking with other parents I found that most of their non-adhd boys do this too! I wouldn’t put it past my son to pee in the sink either - that seems like an impulse control issue. I’ve let things like that go because otherwise I’d go crazy.

My son also cannot be off his meds even in the summer. This week he went to camp with no afternoon meds and ended up getting in trouble. I don’t think he wants to behave that way but his poor impulse control makes him do things without thinking about consequences.

Speaking of consequences, i have also had the experience where nothing works for my son. At the suggestion of his therapist, I’ve had him cleaning up dog poo in the yard and community service (volunteering at the food bank), to ‘give back’ for some of the behaviors. . Other times, I try to create a consequence immediately, but not sure if this always works. I’m hoping some of it sinks in.

Hang in there momma - try to do something for yourself - by yourself. I know it’s hard but it’s so important for your well- being!

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Your advice is so appreciated! I think your idea of cleaning up dog poo is hilarious. Has it been effective? I need to think of something similar.

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We go to therapy every week and it is not convenient. Luckily we do have insurance that pays for it, but in the long run it will save you stress and possibly help you to understand him better. That’s my hope anyway. Medication makes a huge difference. Prayer!! Self care. All of it. Good luck

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Janice_H-

Just wanted to check in with you to see if you had restarted medication for your son and to see how he is doing? Now that school has started I am hoping he is busy and life an improve for you guys.

I think of your struggles and hope they get better soon.

We are always here for you, good luck!

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Hello there, no we are awaiting his next appointment to discuss re-starting meds. Home is still chaotic. There is no rest and relaxation for me as he is continuously interrupting and playing attention-getting games with me. For instance, he will mess up the rubix cube game I play each evening as relaxation. He will push buttons on my phone to interfere with a movie I may be watching. He will turn off lights in my room if I am reading a book. He will get into my bed just to annoy me. Last night he hid my contact lens solution from me, then told me to find it myself. He felt I was making a big deal about it. He spilled a bottle of bubbles all over his bedding. By 10 p.m. he was still getting out of bed, going downstairs to knock on the door pretending we had a visitor. This morning he got out of bed at 7:28. We usually leave at 7:30. I left without him. He had to run down the road to catch up in the car. I dumped him at camp and was grateful he got out of my car......

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These are all things that medication will help. He will be a different child if you get the correct impulse control medication with the right dose and give it to when when they say to.

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It is so incredibly stressful and quite depressing. I try hard to make sense of all the odd things he does but cannot.

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Sounds a lot like my son when his meds have worn off. He feeds on adult attention, and likes to "surprise" you and do things he thinks is funny. (Though no one else finds it funny.)

Apart from medication, here's a few things that help us:

Make sure my son gets plenty of sleep. Early bedtime, same time, every night. This is probably equal to medication in curbing his behavior.

Have a few clear ground rules posted somewhere in the home that includes addressing this behavior (though we them be positive rules, like "Always walk in the house" instead of "No running in the house.") Our involve "Always be kind", "Work before play", "Put everything away".

If my son is doing something I dislike for attention, I don't give him the attention (if possible.) Nothing extinguishes a behavior faster than ignoring my son. It will ramp up a bit at first (extinction burst), but if I hold my ground with ignoring, it will die. (If I give in during this time, it will stay worse, as he knows if he pushes harder, I will give in.) Sometimes I let him know what I am doing at the start "When you behave kindly, I will pay attention to you again."

If it's a minor thing, let it go & laugh with him.

If ignoring isn't an option, or if it's something new that has come up, I calmly give a consequence. Usually it will just be to redo the behavior in a more suitable manner. Get within arms length of him if needed, and tell him to do it again correctly (though be specific.) Such as "You turned off my light. What do you think was the correct behavior here?" (if no answer, I tell him the correct answer "Leave the light alone.") "Now please turn on the light and leave it alone." If that doesn't work, logical consequences, ignoring and quiet times start coming in to play. I also give him a silent count to 10 to comply (he doesn't know - it's just in my head), and ignore all whining / arguing during that time. He gives in more frequently than I would have suspected. When he does comply, I heap on some praise! "Thank you for turning my light back on and leaving it alone."

Maybe start a behavioral chart?

I have my son practice solitude by reading alone in his room a little bit each day.

Though I don't always succeed, I do always try to keep my cool.

And finally, probably the biggest impact is to make sure my son gets a few minutes of my undivided attention here & there each day. It doesn't have to big huge chunks or doing anything special. Just 5 mins talking or 15 minutes playing a game, then I say "I enjoyed spending time with you. I love you so much. I need to get back to what I was doing now" really make a big difference. That, and lots of praise for positive behaviors.

Hopefully one of these ideas can help you!

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Hi Pennywink, thanks so much for taking the time to send advice. I'll give these a try starting tonight. I really hope they work. I know all of this dumb stuff is just to get attention.

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Fingers crossed! We recently did a workshop on Triple P (Postive Parenting Program), so alot of suggestions are from that playbook. We were in the ballpark on many things, but it really refined some crucial details we were missing.

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Hi Janice-

I wasn’t sure if you mentioned it but are you a single mom? I am not a single mom but my husband leaves for days-weeks at a time for work and I am left with my 11 year old ADHD son by myself and by the time my husband comes home I am completely spent!!! I am emotionally and mentally just completely done and feel I have nothing left to give to anyone else, even myself. My son does not treat my husband the same as he treats me. I know that on many levels that is my own fault; I have let him get away with certain things he has done or said in the past. Usually because one I need to pick my battles with him when his dad his gone (or I would be screaming the whole time) and I also feel bad for what he goes through as a result of being ADHD. It can’t be easy for him!! I say that to myself a lot but then the other part of me thinks that I am not helping him by ignoring behaviors but then I don’t want to be just on him constantly about what he is doing wrong. It is really hard being mom to him at times. I do know that I could not begin dealing with him without being on medication. He is not perfect (by any stretch) while on them but there is a huge difference in his demeanor, voice level, temperament and attitude while on his medication. I can talk to him for less than a minute and know whether he has taken his medication or not. The medication is not the end all be all but it does help him even though he fights to take it and hates taking it. I do have my husband that he is usually always on my side and backs me up if my son and I get into an argument. I really can’t imagine how I would cope if I was a single mom fulltime. My heart and ginormous kudos to all the single parents out there dealing with kids with these issues on your own!!

I know many people have advice and ideas for you and they really want to help. If I only had a dollar each time I heard “why don’t you try a discipline chart” or “you just need to be consistent”. I always smile and say thank you- why didn’t I think of that. It’s that easy- FUCK!! Sorry- but that is what I am thinking when I hear that. I do agree with the above posts about medication; he should not go off his meds. Maybe he needs a change of medication or increase. I also think a lot of your son’s anger may be coming out of emotional pain/hurt. I don’t know if he has social issues at school also but I know my son has those issues and it is hard for him to understand why he gets bullied/teased/hard to get along peers. I know why my son has problems with his peers and I try to talk to him about it in a nice way. But he is annoying, loud, immature and although he easily makes friends he does have a hard time keeping them because of his behaviors. You said your son is overweight; my son is the opposite- he is super short and a rail. He did not wear shorts one day to school last year (and we live in Southern CA) because he doesn’t like the kids teasing him about being so skinny. You might try getting him into some sort of physical activity (something he might be interested in) to help increase his physical activity and decrease his weight. I think his self esteem is probably really low and some of his behaviors are a reflection of how he feels about himself. Hope I don’t sound to psychologist. I am just going off of what I know about my son’s self esteem issues. You may also speak to the counselors at his school about him speaking with a school/district psychologist. My son was talking to one weekly while at school (and free to me). I don’t know if it will help him but may get him to open up or start a dialogue with someone about issues he may be having. Sorry so long and wordy, hope hearing that others are going through a lot of the same struggles helps. I know it helps to read everyone’s posts knowing that I am not alone in my struggles and can get some advice from people who really understand what we all are going through!!!

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Hi Toshdog86, thank you for reading my post and for sharing your experiences and for the advice. I will look into getting him time with the school counselor. I'm a single mom with one income and really cannot afford the cost of weekly therapy elsewhere. This is a great idea.

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Hi Janice-

I know everything is so much easier said than done. I am can’t imagine doing it as a single parent!! I know that I have many days that I just feel so defeated and wonder where the mental and physical energy will come from to get my son to be a responsible, respectful, hardworking and independent young man (let alone energy to get through the week😀).

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