Child imposed goals..: Hope those of us... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Child imposed goals..

Onthemove1971 profile image
9 Replies

Hope those of us who have children in school can make it to the end of the year.. So excited for the year to be over.

I have noticed that when our son sets a goal for himself, he is more successful than when we set a goal. for him ( or punishment him).

He told me his goal for 8th grade was to make sure he turned in ALL assignments.. Great goal. I am always excited to start a new school year.

Have you guys had the same experience, big or small goals?

Just curious.

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Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971
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9 Replies
Janice_H profile image
Janice_H

Hi, I am glad the school year is coming to an end also. The nights my son does not see a tutor and I have to sit with him is nerve wrecking. I have not thought of asking my son to set goals but maybe I should think about it. Does your son get any type of reward if he reaches a goal?

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971 in reply toJanice_H

Yes, I try to get him a special treat and when really good things are happening I buy him something.

Trying to get him to set the goal is really a great thing becuase then it is not us forcing him to do it.

We tries the tutor thing and didnt get anywhere with it.

Good luck!

Janice_H profile image
Janice_H in reply toOnthemove1971

He has had a tutor since October. I really do not see much progress at all. He has tutoring support 6 days a week.

I love this idea! And I think it is also a great idea to make a few executive skills goals like, making sure that homework is brought/home turned in.

She turned the book report in this morning....Thank God.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971 in reply to

I just know when we punish it doesn't make a difference, so I am really looking for him to drive the change. I love your idea about EFunctioning goal.

For us it is just getting the work handed in! Even with the extra week he gets in his 504 plan.

To be honest I am really looking forward to 8th grade..

paradoxlive profile image
paradoxlive

My 8 year old son set a goal to have no meltdowns, or what he calls "red fury." At first, he wanted to go 7 days and since that was unrealistic, we started with 3. That was around New Years. Now he is regularly passing 7 days!

And if we see him getting himself under control, we reward him for that too. For instance, he says a bad word and tears up homework - but then he doesn't escalate, instead using his tools be they breathing, taking time alone, or doing something in his sensory room. Since he took care of himself, he earns a reward regardless of the behavior that lead to his need.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971

Thank-you, thank-you! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I strongly believe this is teaching him the best way.

We will get there, but it's a long journey.

ILoveNature profile image
ILoveNature

This is more for younger children I think but, My 7 year old sons grade 1 teacher and I came up with a star system for at school. It has been a work in progress but she has a little piece of paper on his desk with 5 boxes. She then puts a star in a box when he accomplishes a task. Usually having to do with speedily finishing a worksheet, or getting his shoes coat on quickly. ( I have a daydreamer type) Then at the end of the day he brings it home. It is an effective way for the teacher and I to communicate how the day went and gives him goals. Right now we are adding up stars at the end of the week and turning them into some sort of reward. Therefore the teacher doesn’t have to deal with rewarding him in front of others. It is discreet at school. Seems to work for him on most days. 5 star days are still rare but to see his face all lit up on a day when he gets one is cute. Both the teacher and I feel we are way less naggy as well.

Crunchby profile image
Crunchby

The concept of child directed goal setting is hit hard on total transformation. It's very cheesy yes, but I found very helpful.

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