Military school?

[Boymom3]

I have 3 boys with adhd. Two of them (twins) adopted through foster care, also have ODD. It has been a long 4 years. School has been a constant struggle. They seem to have made some progress but I’m afraid one of them is going to get kicked out. He’s in first grade!! Nothing we do gets through to him. He’s on medication, which helps a lot, but he still managed to get suspended today. So. I’m wondering if anyone has had experience with military school or something like it. I don’t want to lose my job because I have to stay home with him. I’m so sad and discouraged and angry. I don’t want to even be thinking about this, but I think I need to at least know what some options are in case it comes to that point.

[Birdie7]

I'm so sorry it's been so hard. I would feel the same, I definitely understand. However, my personal opinion is that military school would NOT be a good option for kids with ADHD. I believe it's a good option for neurotypical kids who may be having issues with entitlement, for example. What I would suggest, however, are schools that are geared specifically for the ADHD child or adolescents with learning differences that promotes the child's strengths. I would do an online search for schools such as "ADHD schools." When I did a search in my area, several schools with the name "academy" popped up. Another one, for example that popped up (I have no knowledge or experience with it) is Soar (soarnc.org) which advertises as a boarding school for students with ADHD and other learning differences. I believe that a traditional, state run school for our non-neurotypical kids is not a good fit for them...sit still, test, test, test, stop interrupting, homework, homework, homework, listen, listen, listen, competition, etc., etc. It's just not a level playing field for them unless you are neurotypical like their peers. Anyway, hope this helps. Don't give up. Hang in there. Keep seeking support. Best to you all.

[Hidden]

I hear ya... I also thought of that too. I even went as far as having a police officer talk to my son about how important school is/being respectful to people and etc.I also even at my wits end.. I called local prisons to see if they would speak to my son n explain ..this is where u can land up by ur actions. Its not meant to scare them n other people wouldn't understand, BUT when u try everything u think will help them n it doesn't.. sometimes u have to take this route. We love these kids n don't want to give up on them.. n we will try everything n anything for them.What else r u gonna do when meds/diets/docs/public school n etc doesn't help!! Sending u a hug....

[Boymom3 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! ❤️ I spoke with pediatrician today to adjust his medication. Hoping that buys us more time. We’ve talked with him about jail also, especially since both of his birth parents have been in and out. I was pretty upset last night and trying to be more optimistic today.

[Hidden in reply to Boymom3]

its not easy but u do what u do because u love ur boys dearly as I do my son.

Wishing u all the best for all ur sons n urself !

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

just thought of something,, have u tried "no color in there foods".When meds were not an option ..I read about Red #? and etc in foods.. especially like in fruit snacks n etc. I found other foods that didn't have color in them n I definitely saw a difference.Also...sugar n caffeine.. made my son worse n harder to even speak to him because he couldn't focus. Hope it helps.

[MsJazzy]

What a wonderful heart you have to adopt these children! I'm not sure where you live, but does your school have a student study team or student success team? It is a team that includes teachers, administrator, parents, and possibly other school professionals. The team meets to develop a plan to help the student become more successful in the current school environment. With a formal diagnosis of ADHD, he should be able to qualify for a 504 plan, that requires the school to provide support for him. I am curious as to what he did that would warrant a suspension. If he is also having academic problems, he may also be able to qualify for special education and this may allow him to access behavior intervention and support. I would agree that military school is not a good option. Research shows that medication in combination with behavior modification is the most effective. I pray that you will find a solution that is in the best interest of your child.

[Boymom3 in reply to MsJazzy]

I replied in the wrong spot🤦🏼‍♀️. It’s at the top of this thread.

[Boymom3]

Thanks. He’s been tested for learning disabilities and had none. The school said he would not qualify for an IEP bc he’s doing well academically. The teacher started a different behavior chart that breaks the day into smaller sections of time and offers more frequent “rewards”. That started about a month before Christmas break, just started back yesterday. I’m going to give it another couple of weeks and if that’s not helping I plan to talk about a 504. He is constantly talking to himself while the teacher is talking, yells out in class. Throws fits. Tells the teacher “I don’t have to listen to you”. Breaks things, pounds his fists. It has been something nearly every day. Yesterday he was told to leave something alone 3 times. The third time he took his sweatshirt off and hit the teacher with it saying “that’s what you get for telling me no”. He gets structure and plenty of discipline and the people at his school are so kind to him. We are adding an afternoon dose of his medication and seeing if that helps.

[Mmagusin in reply to Boymom3]

It sounds like he does not view his teacher as ‘leader’ and so the ODD at school. Is it just with this teacher? A teacher trained in teaching special needs kids would never ask 3 times to STOP. Sounds like she has no idea how to handle him so school is foisting the ‘problem’ back to you. Not good. Find a new school with teachers experienced with ADHD & ODD. Meet with principle & prospective teachers before switching! Some charter schools are great for this. Positive reinforcement is VERY important to get him back on track. I suspect your son is like mine, who goes full ‘fight’ mode & ODD if he’s made to feel worse about himself, which is why military school methods would be a disaster. My son is also adopted & the boys in the birth family are pretty wild, so there’s a huge heredity factor in our situations. Don’t let incompetent teachers make you feel like a bad parent. They need to be better teachers.

[Boymom3 in reply to Mmagusin]

Not just this teacher. We got him when he was 3 and he has done every classroom, daycare, after school teacher this way. The rules and policies that the teachers have to follow don’t allow them much room to discipline, in my opinion. So yes, he tests their authority and judges they can’t “do” anything to him. He has even said to them “you can’t do anything to me”.

I do believe he should be considered special needs and some accommodations should be made to not only help him, but help the teacher as well. She can’t teach the rest of the class when she has to deal with him. I just don’t know what those accommodations should be and I don’t have anyone at the school that is offering to help in that area. I do feel the school expects me to “fix” this. I want to! I would if I could and I’m doing all I KNOW to do. I need to educate myself more on what programs are available and really push for it I guess. I don’t see that changing schools would be an option. We are going to the best school in our area.

Thanks for your input. I love being able to connect and talk with other parents who understand. ❤️

[Crunchby]

Reply to Boymom3

Ugh. Bless you and hugs. I also thought about military school, probably than the normal person, as I retired from the military and believe in the simplistic black and white approach to discipline. That clarity of consequences is good for adhd'ers, imo. However, it ignores the medical issues causing the bad behaviors and the military teachers are not trained to deal with our kids. So, at the end of the day, I so no to military school, but yes to a more medically trained school. I have read about a few of these, but gad, the cost! I dunno. I did take my daughter to the local police station after a violent episode. They took her in a cell and showed her where the someone clawed the walls trying to get out. She remembers that, and it has been effective in deterring hitting. Each kid is different, so what works for one... I will say Seroquel has worked wonders. She still gets mad, just not as mad. Good luck!!

[Boymom3 in reply to Crunchby]

Thanks so much! Maybe I’ll follow through with the trip to the jail.

[Mmagusin in reply to Boymom3]

I respectfully disagree with that approach. IF the ODD is rooted in anxiety, like my son, scaring him more might backfire. Plus, with ADHD he will act on impulse anyway so won’t access the ‘learning’ in the heat of his power struggle. Get to root cause with your psychiatrist & counselor first, then make a behavior plan

[MomofBells]

Hi! Hugs to you, I feel your frustration. Let me start with you school is absolutely wrong about the IEP. Plenty of kids qualify under what’s called Significant Development Delay, Served under Other Health Impairment. My daughter has one for a long time. This is an umbrella code used for a kid like mine, ADHD and ODD. There were goals set like doing with was she was asked to do without delay or having to repeat a number of times, social interaction with peers being positive instead of negative. She had numerous prompts and warnings from teachers about transitions, and they knew she had certain issues that they worked to accommodate like needing to finish something before moving to the next.

By law, you can request your child to be evaluated for an IEP and special ed services in writing and they have 60 days to respond. Find an advocate in your area that can help you navigate the school system. It can be slow and they may push back on providing services because they have a caseload already. Push for your child at that school! It doesn’t have to be an academic problem, mine wasn’t (she is in the gifted program). Also kids qualify under Emotional/Behavior Disorders, or EBD.

The school needs to make a Behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP) to respond when your child loses control. Get to a psychologist and get the psych paperwork to the school with the official diagnosis. Push them. He is only in first grade. There is still time to pull this around, I promise!

And keep trying medications, there may be one out there that works. Also think about CBD oils. Do some research on that. It may be worth trying.

My daughter is in third grade now, it’s been 5 years of work, but we are at a good place! Keep trying- don’t give up!!

[Boymom3 in reply to MomofBells]

Wow, thank you! I will definitely look into all of that.

[MomofBells in reply to Boymom3]

Please keep using this site as well. There are so many people here with various experiences and knowledge. I work in the school system in Georgia and since my daughter had an IEP (and my parents both worked in the special ed department in public schools) I had an advantage. Knowledge is power. Good luck!!

[anirush]

My boys have also always gotten good grades but one of them has an IEP. That applies to behavior in school not just grades. It's a lot of work for the schools and I've known other schools to balk at doing it.

Request a review with the special Ed department in writing. They have 10 days after that to set up a meeting. Don't let them bully you into not following through. That happened to me when my grandson was in 2nd grade. I really regretted it later.

Then when he went to middle school they said why didn't he have this sooner. I said ask the principal of that school he was at before.

[MsJazzy]

Just to clarify... A student won't be able to have a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) unless he is on an IEP. However, a student with a 504, should be able to access some type of behavior support. In addition, there could be another eligibility that can be considered. There are 13 different eligibility categories for special education and specific learning disability is only one. I do agree that finding an advocate is a good idea. An advocate can help you navigate the number laws that govern special education. I pray that you will be directed to the right person.

[Folkner]

As someone who has ADHD and a family full of folks that have it I wanted to give my 2 cents. You must not look as ADHD as a disorder. You need to look at it as a genetic characteristic that is being pushed to the back of the bus due to society and how we live our lives with technology. Sure you can curb this trait with medication but in order to help your children become productive members of society you need to find ways to channel that. Exercise, structure, and repetition helps. Military school would have been a great option if it had been available when I was younger. Football helped me get through lots of the rough stuff. Try looking at this article and study I will post the link too.

healthline.com/health/adhd/...

evolution.binghamton.edu/ev...

Those of us with ADHD are better suited to hard work outdoors. There is tons of literature on how we can excel in high paced situations, I am great during war time and struggle during peace time. You need to look at the benefits of ADHD and how to channel it into a positive.