Do you say anything?: So my daughter... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Do you say anything?


So my daughter and I were having lunch at a restaurant. We were just looking at fun stuff on my cell phone and waiting for our meal. There were two women sitting near us that were having lunch together and talking. They were really close to us. One of the women started talking about her grandson and how her son and daughter in law had just disclosed that their son had been diagnosed with ADHD. She went on to say how they were medicating him and how this was just an excuse and how they needed to just "get him under control" and "discipline" him and that it was "driving her crazy" how they were just "letting him get away with all this manipulation" and her friend totally agreed with her. My daughter could clearly hear them and so could I. I just kept distracting her, but she finally looked me right in the eye and said, "is that how you feel about me?" Of course I said No and we had a talk about it, but honestly I SO wanted to just say something to them, but I didn't and I held my tongue. Of course, we had to talk about it the rest of the day.

Do you say something or not?

11 Replies

I think it’s good that you didn’t say anything to those ignorant women. Nothing you could’ve said would’ve changed their way of thinking. My in-laws suddenly possessed imaginary degrees which-in their minds- gave them the right to criticize my husband and I for medicating our son and trying to help him. People who know the least always boast about being experts. It’s good that you explained everything to your daughter. Unfortunately, sometimes idiots say things around our kids and we have to explain things to them. As long as your daughter understands- that’s all that matters.

Oh wow. What a tough position to have been forced into. I am , however; happy your daughter spoke up and asked you that tough question. At least you had the opportunity to be sure she heard so that you were able to without Any hesitation be able to clear up facts as well as how you feel with her. I would bet money my own daughter would hear it and never admit she heard or ask anything further. So I’d be left with as many questions as she is. It is frustrating that any illness that cannot be “seen” is still not accepted as real. Mental illness, ADHD and a zillion other things you are born with... there seems to be a clear divide in generation ability to accept science. Who is being “defiant “ now?? Ugh. Sorry. It is early. I am not even dressed yet, and I am already AFS with the general population. ;)

It sounds to me like you handled it well. Nothing you could have said to those women would have changed their minds and it may have resulted in a very negative interaction in front of your daughter. It takes a lot of restraint to ignore ignorance like that so good for you.

That is a tough position. I have been naively surprised with how prevalent that point of view is toward ADHD and medication. Friends and family members who know me and my daughter well have had the same reaction and I have had to try and educate them about it, with some degree of success. I have never had to overhear a stranger and say those things in earshot of my daughter though! It sounds like you addressed it well with your daughter though and that is what is most important. I am not sure what I would have done in that situation but depending on my mood and the environment, I might have tried to speak a little more loudly in hopes that the women would overhear that "some people don't understand ADHD because they haven't done the research so don't let it bother you, you are a wonderful person, your brain is just a little different". Passive aggressive perhaps but maybe, just maybe, they would second guess their opinions without having to be direct with them.

Just remember there are a lot of other families and science that back you up and the success and progress of your child is most important and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!

To the strangers, I would have said nothing. So many share those beliefs and is is really unfortunate for them and whatever child they are speaking about. Truly it is! That said, I would have done what you did and make sure my child knew my thoughts and my feelings about him/her, medications, and ADHD in general.

people just DON'T understand!! i don't think my husband would understand if i wasn't also ADHD and constantly explaining/reminding him over and over. unless you experience it first hand, you just don't. i was getting a pedicure the other day and the lady doing it was a grandma and had a step grandson that was ADHD that she had just spent a good amount of time with. her head was spinning! i could just see how annoyed she was by what she was saying. i chimmed in and spoke of certain traights befoe she could even complain about it and you could see the change in her face. i think i made her feel bad. but not by being ugly but just explaining it to her with a point of view from someone that has a child that struggles with it. i almost wish your daughter would have walked over to them and just said "i'm sorry to hear about your grandson, but there are many things that are a little tougher for ADHD kids because i too have ADHD. but sounds like your grandson has good parents, so he's lucky" ding dongs.... you don't need to raise your voice when its more fun to make them feel guilty. ;)

No, your not a doctor and you don't know the whole story behind it, so you're opinion is irrelevant

you did good. I would have been so upset if that had happened to me. My son is all grown up now but even after all these years, hearing something like this makes me so angry. I think the reason it bothers me so much still is because there are members of my own family who still hold these ignorant views about ADHD, so it is unresolved in my heart and still digs at me.

I think u did the right thing.I'm a medical mess n my son has ADD n his issues.Everyone deals with things differently n as parents I personally think we have do what is best for OUR kids.I think some parents have there heads stuck in a hole or somewhere else n just want to shut there kids up anyway possible n not deal with the issues.It makes me sad for the kids.Your child is very lucky to have u. :)

Generation gap?! I found a lot of grandparents couldn't understand ADHD, they think their grand child is just forgetful, naughty, clumsy and not smart at study. They disagree to medicate a normal healthy child just to calm them. They think taking medication means the child has mental health issues. We know what we are doing for our child's best. And hope your daughter understand too.

Tell your daughter that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and those are not facts. Tell her how you feel about the situation. I know she was a little disturbed about the issue, but explain everything to her in a positive way.

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