I signed my 8 year old daughter and 6 year old son up for a summer day camp this week. It's 10:30am-5pm. Tons of fun and activities -- kinda helps break up the summer for me and for them.
Well, last night when I picked them up, two of the staff came over to me and said there was an issue with my son yesterday. They said he was accused of touching kids inappropriately, and during dodge ball purposefully trying to throw the ball at people's private parts. They said that he was very impulsive, and they talked with him about respecting boundaries, and personal space bubbles. But they take this issue seriously at camp, and that there will be consequences if he continues this behavior. I thought they handled it very well.
But I was a mess!!!! I hardly slept last night! What in the world?!?! What the heck, son?? I've tried twice to talk to him about the issue --- boundaries, personal space, what are private parts, and what to do if someone were to touch him there. It was such a frustrating conversation! He didn't seem to see this as a serious issue. He kept complaining that my talking was taking too long.
Ugh. I'm so tired of crazy behavior that I don't know where if comes from or how to control it. As I laid in bed last night, all I could think of was all my precious babies inhabitanting a jail cell. What have I done so wrong with my children? This thought constantly runs through my mind in moments like this.
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Momof4blessings
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First of all big hugs we have all heard these types of talks from teachers, camp staff, day care providers, etc..
Please remember this us an isolated experience. The best thing to do is try to take it in when it is being said, in fact I always try to pull my child in to hear what is being said so it is not me saying it, but from them to my child. Please remember, our children are are at the same maturity level, this does not excuse this wrong behavior but tells us that we have role modeling to do.
I have to ask if you have him on medication and if so do you think it is the correct dose or does it need to be increased? If it was the correct dose this might not happen? Also, is he seeing a counselor, that is a perfect place to discuss this type of issue, it really takes it off you.
No it doesn't mean he is horriable and will do bad things in the future.
Thanks so much for heartfelt response! Very comforting to my mama heart. He is on medication, and we are currently raising the dose. I feel like the medication issue has been so rough with this child! That sweet spot feels so illussive. Either it's too much and he's tired and cranky, or it's not enough and he's crazy wild and impulsive. We are tracking his behavior with each dosage through his doctor. I haven't reached out to a counselor yet, as we've never had this situation come up before, but I think that's a great idea. I will definitely find one for him.
Yes this is how they are and I find talking to my son goes in one ear and out the other that is my why the counselor, who is a man is a requirement because he listens and expresses himself.
I know it might be hard but are you working with a pediatric psychiatrist? My life really changed when I got someone who really analyzed my sons personality and knew when and how to give him medication, before I was doing what you are to much to little. Now with his combo we are perfect.
With me stepping back it is not me saying that he has done these things wrong, he has to take the blame and I am not the middle man.
He is also seeing other kids that have behavior problems (like he was before) and saying wow look at how they act.
Best of luck, some minor help really encourage the counseling maybe that is a great consequence from this camp thing then just continue it because school is coming and you know you will need it.
Big mama love, no more tears..
Never summer maybe a conversation with the counselors before he starts until he gains some maturity...
So helpful, thank you! We're working with a pediatric developmental specialist right now.... She's an older woman and I've heard parents in my area complain about her, but she's been a friend/college of my mom for years. So I've kinda stuck with her since we moved back home a year ago. I might need to look for someone else. Thanks for the insight!
Your welcome then make sure you are looking at dose, time he is taking it and if the one he is on is the right one. Then the counseling is the next best thing.
My son must have been in about 1st grade when he was in junior soccer and made a big scene about some boy kicking the ball in his pee-pee! He yelled it out purposely for the entire field and audience to hear and he repeated it many times! He loved the response of laughter from all the parents. I was mortified and kept inching out of the crowd to hide. My husband thought it was so funny and had no negative reaction. This occurrence did not sit lightly with me. I couldn't sleep or eat -just like you! I knew he was getting to be known as the class clown or the kid that caused disturbances. It got better, but it took years. I guess I should have had him in some therapy at this young age so that it wasn't all me or the teachers telling him what he was doing wrong. Plus, we did have medication for him at the time, but it was causing tics and it was terrible to watch him roll his head! Oh, these memories are hard. These days he is in college and I'm hoping he makes it!
It's SO good to hear your story!! It gives so much hope. Thank you so much. Yay, it is so hard to see my children shoot themselves in the foot. To not realize how their behavior is coming across to others, and what kind of real consequences could be attached to said behavior. ADHD can be such a nightmare!! I'm trying to focus this morning on his good traits, and to think of his strong moments. And as it was commented above (thank you!) --- this is only one situation, one moment in time for him. It's not going to determine his future in the least. It's encouraging to hear that your son is in college. That's a good thing! And I think, like you, when I pass through this phase, and my children are grown, I'm sure there will be moments I miss tremendously, but others I'll be happy to leave in the past. These are painful to be in, and I'm sure painful to look back on. Thank you again!
Yep been there done that with my son. It’s an impulse thing. It’s embarrassing but it happens. Don’t let it bother you too much. You just continue to talk to them about what’s appropriate and what’s not. It’s a constant struggle. Hang in there mama!!
I know exactly how you feel. My 6 yr old son gets inappropriate as well. My son also says inappropriate things. He has gotten better though but everyday is different. There are days he is good and other days he is pretty bad. My son is on concerta 18mg and guanfacine 2mg. My son is in behavioral therapy maybe you should consider putting your son in therapy as well. It does help a lot. You are not alone believe me I been where you are at. But honestly it comes with adhd. We just need to teach our boys good touch and bad touch. I know its uncomfortable to talk about but thats the only way they will learn that its not ok. Hang in there you ate not alone. Sometimes it feels like but were not. Consider getting therapy for yourself as well. You need to take care of your well being too. Our job is hard let alone having a child with adhd. Blessings
Thank you, thank you! It's so good to know I'm not alone. Yes, it was so embarrassing....and awkward. It's crazy how much of his world is effected by ADHD.
I totally know where you’re coming from and have had some of the same issues with my son. All you can do is your best and you’re doing it. I always recommend people check into using the nurtured heart approach. I noticed a real difference in my son. With our kids they can be doing great and one hiccup sends us in a frenzy because we have PTSD. At least that is how I feel. Try to breathe and move forward.
The PSTD thing is So true. I thank you for pointing that out! I have a 19 yr old and a 20 yr old and I’ve been through so much I thought it was just insanity, but it’s PTSD! My marriage is on the rocks since things didn’t seem to register with my husband. I’ve been traumatized for so long. The good news is, my son was more difficult when he was younger and now he’s respectful and gracious and tries hard in life. My daughter is one who battles with me about everything and keeps making bad decisions. Oh boy.....if they were both both great - I would be doing Great!
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