Apathy: I sometimes, ok, more than... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

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I sometimes, ok, more than sometimes, just not wanting to care anymore. Math homework? Meh, let me just google that nyengage, wildly confusing math problem or better yet, let me just use my calculator and we'll work backward. You lost your coat again(third time this year)? Meh, here wear my sweatshirt, it's only 25 degrees and you're going inside anyway. You're crying on the couch why? Oh, because Christmas is NOT today? Meh, it'll get here sweetheart. You want to sleep in my bed again? Meh, sure, I guess at some point you'll want to be in your own bed, right? RIGHT? cut to me watching an entire season of BRIDEZILLAS from Amazon, blue screen light shading my face, dog's head in my lap.

I feel like some days my brain and honestly, my heart just doesn't want to do this anymore. I always snap back and get my wind back, but it's SO hard to be 100% "on" all the time. The outside world expects more from us, at least that's how it feels. I don't even tell my best friend about ALL the episodes because it's honestly just way too much for someone that doesn't get it.


25 Replies

Oh I hear you! The constant struggle to deal with meltdowns and schoolwork. Keeping track of things- like how did you lose a glove between here and school on THE FIRST DAY!!! Sorry, I’m really relating to you! And maybe it’s okay to let some things go sometimes. But you can’t let yourself get lost in the process. It is so easy I think to put all of ourselves into our kids so there is nothing left over. You deserve to take time for you wether it be a bridezilla marathon or a spa day or something else that is just for you.

And maybe a little apathy is okay now and then. You are a great mom.

Omg. Another terrible night. Seriously. I cannot go on feeling like a punished prisoner in my own house. My only allowable entertainment is a child, one I spend days researching how to help make her world better vocally and physically lose her mind and everything else. The screaming the falling to the floor writhing around hurling complaints and insults over and over and over. She refuses to take it elsewhere. She does it in the centiof the stupid open concept living area so if my husband and I leave it gives a hint of her win and our hiding. And it would not be a smooth walk out because with three dogs who I doubt she would intentionally hurt— the lord be her and try to get close to comfort her. But she is no longer in reality-ville and is likely to throw an accidental some limb one of their way. Again. Every time she reads (or anything else other than pissing off on the phone) or is even required to do whatever. We are doing everything by the books or the therapist or anyone else trusted. I just explained to my husband tonight. I can’t talk about it because that echos a sort of reinactment. But I have to stop. I have no Job. Being new to my state (and this secret disease in my home) I am trapped so I have an addictive drive to read until I unlock the secret cure that has to be found. I’ve been an addict before and this is now my “fix”. But at what cost. N live in peace until I unlock the cure. I am not honest to goodness suicidal but given the facts that I cannot go on wit hoot he cure but finding it is hurting my mental state..... what is left? I am so grateful to know I have this team behind me. Well my dog is pawing me to say get the hell in bed. So off I go. Until the 1:30 two hour late night research session. Ttyl.

Crunchby profile image
Crunchby in reply to Alliea79

'Secret disease', perfect. Thanks for sharing. It does feel like an addiction at times, trying to find the magic rewards system or whatever. The more answers I get, the more questions I have.

Thank you again for making me laugh tonight. It seems to me, just writing about our crazy lives here helps us deal..a bit. I do value the opinions and support but just getting the madness that is our lives posted here, somehow makes it better. I dunno, we all work WAY harder than any mom I know. How I crave to be a mom that worries about the 'normal' stuff. "I'm so disappointed in (fill in perfect child's name) she just isn't able to spike the volleyball as well as the taller girls"....waaaaa. Me: "I hope she doesn't lose her shit again, break screens, throw stuff, take swings and scream like she's auditioning for the shower scene in Psycho. I'm worried the police will come and then she'll have a record. Oh, and she can't spike a ball to save her life even though I coached, yep, coached a team so she would play. What was that about your daughter?" 😁

We all deserve our Bridezilla marathon!!! We are not super human and can not remote control our kids, even if they need it. Someone has to be the fry cook at McDonald. (no offense to anyone who works there) .. Just making a point that they will need to fail to succeed. Now time to watch some 24!

Grateful17 profile image
Grateful17 in reply to Crunchby

So true. So true. My fantasy years ago (when kids were younger) was to get in my car with my passport and suitcase and go into the witness protection program

Crunchby profile image
Crunchby in reply to Grateful17

Lmao! My husband and I say "I'm going out for a pack of cigs". Neither of us smoke.

I’ve been feeling the apathy way more, now , in my daughter’s middle school years, than when she was in elementary school. So much, that in order to keep my sanity, I purchased a ticket to go away overseas, solo. I told my husband, I need a break. I can’t take this any longer. So, he was like...ok. Go a recharge your batteries; and Off I went to Beautiful Cartagena, Colombia, for 2 weeks.

I lied if I tell you I missed my daughter and my husband. I didn’t :-( Am I numbed? I don’t know, but it felt so good to have a solitude time where I did what I felt like it, period! No fighting in the mornings to wake up my daughter and get her ready for school, no cooking to feed 3 different taste buds, no cleaning up after everyone, not having to manage the house bills, the school homework, driving to after school activities, taking care of the dog, counseling appointments... and the list goes on and on.... I was Free!!! Free!!!! Absolutely, priceless!

I encourage everyone to take time off, even if it is just a weekend by yourself. I’m an ADD sufferer myself, so I really act on my impulsivity and my breaking point gets ugly; so I better go away. And, let me tell you, it has helped everyone in the family because delegating everything to my husband, made him realized the things he took for granted and the toll it takes on you. Thus, he now appreciates my role as a “stay home mom” more than ever and elevated my position to CEO, CFO and ADD life saver 😉 So, go ahead! Take a mini vacation by yourself and take a deep breath of freedom.

Oh my gracious this is me too!! Thank you so much for sharing. This is another one of those things I thought was just me. So thankful that we are all in this together and we don’t have to feel so alone. Big hugs!!

Ahhhh. Just dreaming of that is amazing. Thank you for sharing!

I feel that way too

Right there with you. One of the things my husband and I fight about most often is how one or both of us feel like we're "done". But we can't be "done". It's not an option. For me, it comes down to picking battles. Yes, I'm going to push you to get your homework done, but wearing your clothes to bed? Not worth a fight. Don't like what I made for dinner? Fine, make your own (he's 8, he can do that). And of course impulse control, impulse control, impulse control. I will always have that fight. I get it. It's hard. It's exhausting. It's unrewarding. NO ONE says thank you. But remember, it's why we have each other.

I agree! Choose your battles!!

Since there’s so many great responses to this life of ours... does anyone have good ideas for “get well solo” retreats or short trips? I’ve been so scared to go somewhere alone to get a break and treat myself. I shouldn’t worry about money - after all, it’s sanity and serenity! Well, I heard about a place in St George, Utah. Does anyone else have ideas of resorts or safe, clean hotels with activities and good food? I’m SO afraid to go on a vacation alone. I should just do it.

Crunchby profile image
Crunchby in reply to Grateful17

I've been toying with setting up a super closed (like only I approve members) Gmail group. From there we could share a bit more info and perhaps organize a conf call or get together. If your interested message me your email. I know who is real here. I'll message a few other of the regulars too.

in reply to Crunchby


Crunchby profile image
Crunchby in reply to

Ha, I already had set it up last year. I'm the only member. You can mask you ID there too.

Grateful17 profile image
Grateful17 in reply to Crunchby


Alliea79 profile image
Alliea79 in reply to Crunchby

For sure in. I go to therapy and at least 3/4 of MY time is spent going through everything I do for my daughter. Which is a list I can rattle off for days on end. Never mind how thankless and frustrating it is and how I have to keep moving forward and do more more more even as I am met with spiked walls it often seems.

Crunchby profile image
Crunchby in reply to Alliea79

Hi, I'll get you an invite this weekend. We all don't like the google group, I setup a password Shutterfly account. PM me your email and I'll send u an invite

and unfortunately, I'm a single Mom and my daughter's Dad is just not helpful at all. I would be afraid to leave her. But I imagined angelmarie's post and I was really happy for a minute

Grateful17 profile image
Grateful17 in reply to

Awh. Totally understand. Just dream for the future and it will get easier

Hi there, I have Inattentive ADHD, and I got diagnosed until my mid 20s. Apathy and lack of drive was an everyday struggle for me. I now take a low dose stimulant medication along with supplements to help the medication work to its best potential, eliminate/diminish side effects, and help the brain with specific neurotransmitters people with ADHD lack.

People with ADHD lack multiple neurotransmitters, and the ones I mention below I believe are of the most crucial importance. When you have a low level of a neurotransmitter, it basically gives you major difficulty in the areas that it would otherwise be helping you out in. Stimulant medications primarily work with Dopamine and Norepinephrine, which takes care of those neurotransmitters, but what about those other important ones? Supplements, besides helping fight off bad side effects from stimulant medication, can also help with synthesis of these neurotransmitters we lack.

A strategy plan when it comes to supplements and ADHD, should include aiming to help the brain with the specific neurotransmitters that give us the most trouble. The following neurotransmitters should be addressed.

Dopamine : A neurotransmitter in the brain that affects your levels of concentration, motivation, pleasure senses, and sense of pain.

Norepinephrine : A neurotransmitter and stress hormone that deals with attentiveness, emotions, impulse control, planning ahead, sleep, and interpreting actions of others.

Serotonin : A neurotransmitter that deals with mood regulation, sleep, nervousness, empathy, appetite, digestion, and sexual urges.

Acetylcholine : A neurotransmitter that deals with muscle contraction, pain responses, mood regulation, REM sleep, and coordination.

I highly recommend supplements. They help me keep myself on check and on the task at hand. Theres a link on my profile page of a google doc I made of every supplement I take. It mentions what grocery stores and online stores (Amazon has all of these supplements a lot cheaper than markets like Sprouts and Whole Foods) sell these supplements, and some information about each of the supplements and how they help out people with ADHD, in case you're interested. Hope this helps.

Thank you!

Hey there! Your post is refreshing and honest! I have 3 special needs kids, of 7... and here to say-it's ok to be 'meh' at times! If you don't allow yourself that luxury-you'll burn out and then what good will you be? Pick the battles and if it isn't life threatening-sometimes the battle just doesn't need to be fought! Great news....as they get older, they outgrow much of the symptoms and learn to manage their emotions better! Basically-this too shall pass. That said, one of my sons is now in his 20's and some of his personality remains...and you know what? I don't sweat it! He is who he is and it's ok if he's different. He has his own place now, a few blocks down. The other day, I was going to mention to him that he should wear a jacket (we live in New England) because it's only in the teens. Instead, I shut my mouth and ignored the fact he was in a t-shirt, because it only makes him angry and changes nothing....he still won't wear a jacket. Hmmm 48 hours later, he called asking us to bring him medicine, because he's got a cold. I resisted the temptation to say 'I told you so' but when I got to the apartment, he said "I guess I should probably wear a jacket." All I said is "You might want to do that from now on!" So-whether 2 or 12 or 20....all is well! Pick your battles, and yes-by all means....binge watch :D

in reply to MT2018

You give me hope. At least he didn't lose his coat!

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