ADHD/ODD

[Smpope2]

I have a son who is 6 he has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. We have been having issues with him getting very angry to the point he will move furniture, he will also say he will Never have anything or any friends if he dosent get his way. He will Cry for hours if he is allowed for no reason. He has a lot of trouble focusing. School has put him on a 504 Plan because of this. Anyone else have this issue? Tips anything 1st time parent.

[Mmagusin]

I gave this advice to another mom:

NEVER and I mean NEVER give in after you say no. No. means. no. Don’t argue with him. Don’t negotiate. Completely ignore the protest. Do not show that he’s getting to you. It’ll get worse before it gets better. It’s especially hard when it Public, like a store and he’s melting down in front of all those judging eyes. Ignore them too!! Give it a month and I promise you will see positive outcomes. This is attention seeking behavior. Don’t feed it with attention! Soon he will learn to cope. One caveat. If he gets aggressive with you, there needs to be a consequence. Then back to ignoring protest.

[Madmarie in reply to Mmagusin]

So true! My son used to act out at the store, Target, Barnes and Noble. I would straight up walk out and drive home. He figured it out after a few times, that I was not going to give in to his demands!

[Nikita2]

Hi!! I feel your pain, and respectfully disagree to hard parenting as suggested by mmagusin.

Your situation is exactly my 7 yr old. He was diagnosed with ADHD in April and is suspected to have ODD and or SAD (getting a neuro exam to confirm in a few weeks). We would have daily angry tantrums followed by throwing things over the banister, slamming the door several times and pushing furniture to block it. Those were the good days. Bad days would be throwing things at me and my husband followed by a whole bunch of “I hate you!!”s and kicking holes in the drywall. He also says that he hates all people and that friends are annoying and useless. He isolated himself and therefore we are pretty much isolated as well.

At school it was more of a focus thing, no real behavior problems other than refusing to do school work. Most papers came home empty but thankfully the teachers say he’s great, funny and a good kid in school. Just can’t focus or sit long enough to do work.

After consulting with colleagues in the pharma industry, I worked with my pediatrician to get him on medication immediately. We decided on methylphenidate and slowly ramped him up until 18mg Concerta where he still remains. Within days we saw a difference in focus and behavior but only during the day while the meds were in his system. Mornings and nights were still awful. The specialist didn’t change the Concerta since he’s been doing so well at school but added 2 mg Guanfacine to help with the behavior and keep something in his system 24 hrs. LIFE DIFFERNCE!!! After two weeks, he was a different kid!! There is still a lot of room for improvement but I’m seeing that bright funny loving kid shine through more and more. We also started seeing a behavioral therapist which is starting to help him understand what’s happening and gain control of his emotions.

Please do NOT deploy hard parenting tactics - what is happening to him is not his fault and positive reinforcement tactics are so much better for him. Your son needs yourlove, support and understanding. Get him professional help, medication, therapy. Educate yourself and advocate for him every day. He needs you!!!

I’m happy to tell you more of my story, recommended books, whatever you need!

[Madmarie in reply to Nikita2]

I think I balance a both soft, and tough parenting to my kid. I do agree they can’t often control there behavior, but you have to teach them right and wrong through consequences. When my son has his meltdowns, I try and calm him down, tell him to push the pause button in his brain. He has a place in my closet he goes to calm down. I have magnets, books, and other items in there to help him calm down, but he knows I will NOT give into his demands. I’m a single mom, I refuse to be ruled by that behavior. He knows I love him to the depths of my soul, but I must have boundaries in place!

[Pandemonium1791]

Does your son act out in anger randomly or is it when he is being told to do something?

[Smpope2 in reply to Pandemonium1791]

It really depends. Sometimes its when he is angry and sometimes its when we tell him he has to go something. It has gotten better with the one medicine he was given they just increased it I am hoping it gets better then that

[susanv1994]

I understand how you feel. I know how hard it is to ignore those behaviors when they act out. There are so many tools that are available. You can find lots of help through the Autism Society's web page. You can get through this. One thing that works is to give them choices. For example you can go to bed at 8:00 PM or 8:15 PM. (notice it is not a big difference but it is about making them feel as if they have control) In a world where they don't have any control. Control is important.

[Smpope2 in reply to susanv1994]

I will try that. Something I have not thought about