Mom who wishes she could runaway from home

[Janice_H]

My 11 yo has so much trouble getting moving in the morning. He waits until 10 minutes before departure time to get out of bed to get ready for school. He moves slowly and will sit on his bed in a daze before putting his clothes on. It frustrates me and numerous times I have left without him and made him walk to the bus stop.

Today he would not put on his new shoes and insisted on wearing smelly shoes that were caked with mud. Last week I spent $50 on the new shoes and he refused to wear them. He mysteriously "lost" them. I was furious and left him sitting on the sofa. I felt like I could not get away from him quickly enough.

I rushed out of the house partially dressed, hair uncombed, no make up, and did not make my lunch for work because I needed to remove myself from being around him. Most days are this way. HELP!!!

[SlowCheetah]

I know how you feel. My son was very sassy this morning and I couldn't wait to drop him off at school. He loses things all the time (hats, mittens, socks, shoes) so I started buying mostly everything for him secondhand or at discount stores. I can't prevent him from misplacing things, but at least I don't have to spend so much on it.

[Janice_H in reply to SlowCheetah]

How old is your son? I may start buying from second hand too. Thanks for the tip.

[SlowCheetah in reply to Janice_H]

He's only 7. He will pick out items of clothing that he likes, then all of the sudden a week later he decides he doesn't like it and it will disappear. It's very frustrating!

[Madmarie]

I’ve been there! We’ve had some very rough mornings in my house too! I use a timer in the mornings you have 10 minutes to get dressed, 5 minutes to be at breakfast table etc. My son knows I mean business at this point! He’s lost his electronics, and after school activities many times, because of his behavior in the mornings! I used to go out of my way to make him a good protein packed breakfast in the mornings, only to have him shove it away and refuse to eat.😡 I finally sat down with him let him create a breakfast menu with me, I gave in and started letting him have Pop tarts, granola bars, and other quick items. He picks out his clothes, and what he wants for breakfast the night before. I set his alarm sometimes he gets up, and gets dressed, and fixes his own breakfast. I always give him lots of praise, and encouragement when this happens. Most mornings I still have to use the timer, and remind him of the consequences if he doesn’t corporate. It’s so hard, especially when you have to be punctual to your job. You may just need to play hard ball for a week or two. Let him know he needs to get up and moving or else! It made for a couple of rough weeks in my house, but stick to your guns! Good luck!! Your a great mom. Nothing wrong with wanting to run away once in a while, especially for us single moms! This too shall pass!

[Janice_H in reply to Madmarie]

Madmarie, I always make protein added meals for my son before school but he will do the same thing - - pick at it, throw it in the trash or just leave it sitting.

I have never tried a timer. Lately his alarm has been me yelling at the top of my lungs. I do know that I need to re-think our mornings so I'm not a wreck when I walk into my office at work. At least today my hair is combed and i have on lipstick......

[Crunchby]

Ugh. Sorry to hear this. I don't blame you for wanting to leave, they can be such little assholes sometimes. When mine (12) starts up, both my husband and I leave, then she will have no one to v argue with and we get to cool off. Mine sets an alarm, and is up early, oddly. She has a big checklist on a board and sometimes even follows it. :). She has to take the Vvyanse first thing though. Hope things improve.

[Janice_H in reply to Crunchby]

HA HA..yes that's the right word to describe them. Thanks for the much needed laugh!

[anirush]

My twelve-year-old grandson for years has been going to bed with his school uniform on. The only thing he has to get on in the morning are his socks and shoes and that's usually that is as he's going out the door.

It used to be a fight to get him to take his medication in the morning but now that he is stable he does better with that.

I think their brain has a hard time getting working in the morning. I know my grandson's psychiatrist says it takes at least 45 minutes for ADHD medicine to kick in. Rather than punishment I use a reward system if he can get-up-and-get ready every morning on time . At the end of the week I will get him a game card to buy something for his video games he likes to play. Has been working pretty well lately.

[Janice_H in reply to anirush]

The reward system is a great idea. I've never tried this but think it's an awesome idea.

[Crunchby in reply to Janice_H]

We have a point system too. Points are tracked on a dry erase board. They can be redeemed for cash at end of week. You could have him create a list of items he wants and assign a point value to them, that gets him involved in the process. So 5 points = ice cream or movie or a point for 15 mins on electronics, etc. Give him a point if he can be ready at x hours. This works for us when she is being like your son. Point of performance Dr Barkley says.

[MaudQ]

Getting out the door for school is one of the worst parts of the day for us - I feel you! Here’s what’s helping: we have very low expectations in the morning - we do everything we can the night before and don’t expect our ADHD/anxiety daughter to take responsibility. We have a simple schedule posted in a few places around the house and we do the exact same thing every morning. If the kids get dressed, eat breakfast and brush their teeth, they can watch TV for a short amount of time before we leave. We have also done some coaching with a counselor who helped us streamline the morning routine in ways we wouldn’t have thought of. I’m not saying this solved everything, because we still have terrible mornings where there are freak outs and refusing to go to school at all (which is a nightmare). But it’s better than it was. We are also pursuing help for her anxiety - which I think is almost the main issue for us in the morning.

[Janice_H in reply to MaudQ]

Wow! That is a lot to deal with. Your such a great parent for seeking professional help for your daughter. Because I am so exhausted I rarely am able to prepare for the next day. Mostly everything gets done in the morning - dishes, laundry, ironing uniforms, packing lunches, etc. Wish I had Super Woman powers.

[Shadowj24]

I recently started offering my son coffee in the morning. He really loves trying the different creamer flavors. Even if he’s only getting an ounce or so, it seems to perk him up. I think any little thing to help motivate to get them moving... even if it helps 50% of the time, it’s a relief. Try playing silly youtube songs loud to perk him up (it’s raining tacos, the duck song, his favorite artists, ...anything uplifting or to make him smile!)

I know how you feel. Hang in there!

[CAP13]

Im sorry you feel like running away, I must admit I have been there! Hang in there you are doing great! I have found that for me its easier to get their lunch ready the night before, also when I wash uniforms I fold them and I put them away to make sure they are not just thrown in there and stay unwrinkled. I get him up at least 30 minutes before we have to leave the house, that way he can take his time. I tired the healthy protein breakfasts, but like most of you it didn't work! So now I just let him eat either yogurt smoothie, or milk and cookies, I know its not very healthy but its better than nothing. I let him pick his lunch for school everyday the same thins ham&cheese sandwich and chips. No fruit because he will just throw it away. Hang in there, keep at it, we all have our own set of struggles.

[Janice_H]

It has been so great to hear from everyone. Thank you for all the support and advice. I don't know what i would do without all of you.

[Jstar84 in reply to Janice_H]

Hello, Thanks for reaching out. I am sorry to hear about the trouble you have had with your son. I know its frustrating as you are a great working mom and have other roles. I admire your strength. I believe you should tell him what he will do. If he doesn't put on his shoes. Since, he wouldn't do this. Otherwise, you might be delayed. Then, after he gets on the bus vent. In the future, find a way to talk to him.