Staying calm in the storm

[ZosMom]

Mornings are hard but I didn’t lose my cool today when my 9yr old son with ADHD yelled, slammed doors, stomped, threw balls, told me he didn’t like me and that I was mean and I hated him. All this for no reason other than he was tired and there was only one frozen waffle left for breakfast (because he ate them all 🙄). Normally I would engage, get frustrated and yell back. Today I largely ignored him and gently corrected him when necessary. He didn’t like that, he wanted a war.

It’s hard not to internalize his harmful words. How do you block it out?

How can I make him feel loved during a rage when I have no desire to hug him or seem like I approve of his behavior?

[Pennywink]

Congratulations on keeping your cool! Some days it is the biggest victory I can muster. lol! (And other days, not even that.)

And those are some great questions. If only I knew the answers!

That being said, showing him how to behave and how to treat you is in a way showing him love. maybe not the warm huggy face of love, but still love.

Typically I try to find a point after the storm (and before) to make sure I get all the love / praise / connection in while he is calm. I try to give my son a big happy smile each morning, and to connect & talk & mostly listen before bed (or some other time when he is calm & open to talking.) Keeping those connections goes a long way.

[ZosMom in reply to Pennywink]

Thank you for sharing ❤️

[EpochMamma4]

Your post hit me right in the belly as I did not stay calm at all today and just had the biggest blowout fight with my 9 year old, partly because he got into a fist fight with his 11 year old. By the time we got to school, he was calm and I spent time hugging him hard and tight before he went into school. Praying he has a good day but I'm totally exhausted and it's not even 9am. Good luck this morning!

[ZosMom in reply to EpochMamma4]

Deep breaths! Sorry to hear about your morning, I hope you’re able to take some time for yourself to recoup. We had a decent morning today, because his dad and I had to have a serious talk with him last night about his behavior. I know it’s only a matter of time before another blowup but I’ll try to love on him a bit in the meantime.

[EpochMamma4 in reply to ZosMom]

It’s up and down just like my own emotions so I can’t blame him but we can try again, and again and again. Makes me feel a lot better knowing I’m not alone. Have a great day!

[Aniusia]

Recently , I heard that my son’s life is not fair because of me, that I am terrible mom ( I don’t want to give him money to spend on skins in Fortnite) , so on... I learned to ignore it, I don’t talk back , just walk away . It still hurts so I would cry in a different room.

No advices , just sharing .

[ZosMom in reply to Aniusia]

Thanks for sharing ❤️

[AthenaM]

My son is 8 and I feel that the mornings are the worst. He is usually very irritable and will throw a tantrum or be so stubborn and refuse to listen. The worst for me is when I need to get him dressed to go to school. He will want to wear only a few pants or shorts and have a fit if they are not washed.

I too am guilty of screaming at him to get dressed. The only thing I can say is to try and be calm and not listen to any mean things said by him. It’s just not so easy to stay calm when his twin sister and him are about to beat each other up early in the morning.

I wish you the best of luck!

[ZosMom in reply to AthenaM]

Maybe you can get him to take some responsibility for his outfits - on Sunday, make sure everything is washed and laid out for the week. If my son doesn’t see his clothes out when he wakes up, it’s a catalyst for a horrible morning. I also made him a list to follow - everything he needs to get done and if he has extra time he can watch tv. Granted, he barely ever reads it and we still have blowups. But maybe it’ll work for you? Hugs.