Very Concerned...

[Concerned-parent]

My 6yr old did something out of the norm and I'm afraid his condition ADHD us getting worse he was disciple tonight for misbehaving and he had an outburst I've never seen before it's like something triggered and he striked back...Have anyone else experience this before?

[hope111]

Our son has angry outbursts too. I’ve seen several posts here about it as well. For us we give him space to come down, and I try to get some food into him shortly after, as it’s usually magnified when he is over-hungry. But this has been always his pattern, we are working on it. If this is new for your son I’d consider talking with him when he is calmer to understand how he is feeling, and maybe even ask the social worker at your school. I’ve found the elementary social worker to be so insightful at key points with my son - we don’t have an iep or regular appointments with the social worker. In my experience they can be an underutilized (feee) helpful resource!

[Sebastian28 in reply to hope111]

Hello Hope111,

My son lately has daily angry outbursts but mostly at school. He is started to break phones or tablets at home. I noticed that he gets very anxious before breaking anything, i had asked him several times why... and he said that he feels something inside of him but he cant described it. Breaks my heart because i have been trying everything that his pediatrician, teacher, principal, therapist recommended.

[Concerned-parent in reply to Sebastian28]

Thanks

[hope111]

Breaking the technology is interesting and sounds not ok. Maybe you can be with him when he uses them to see more what the trigger might be, or that they are a privilege and he needs to take care. The angry outbursts are so hard. My 7yo had one just this morning, throwing a pencil into his wall leaving a hole, jamming it into the floor. I took the pencil away and told him it is my job to help him stay safe.

Our routine is I always say it is ok to be angry, but not ok to damage our home. Instead you could do xx (usually I say punch a pillow, though I’m intrigued by these posts on punching bags). A therapist once suggested we have him ‘tear a towel’ because really few people can, and pulling and twisting the towel gets our aggression. For whatever reason my son doesn’t like that one, but apparently it helps for some. What the therapist said that stuck with me is at 6-7 they need to use big muscles to release the anger - like moving their arms (punching, hitting) or legs (jumping, rolling) - and that they may not be able to calm down just on their own without some action. I’ve also heard the book Angry Octopus is good for that age and just bought a copy but haven’t read it yet!

[Concerned-parent in reply to hope111]

Thanks

[Crunchby]

I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but this is pretty much common place behavior for ADHD. They have little to no impulse control and he didn't like his punishment, so he reacted as expected, though not acceptable. My daughter's (now 12) had some insane anger fits of rage. So, the dopamine is at a greatly decreased level in the frontal lobe. Decreased dopamine =decreased executive functioning. I'm really over simplifying this. Anyway, mine started getting physical about a year ago. That is when we started her on Seroquel. See still gets mad and overreacts, but the physical lashing out is gone. If you haven't seen it, I encourage you to watch the dr Russell Barkley video on YouTube.

Good luck!!

[Concerned-parent in reply to Crunchby]

Thanks I will watch it.

[555jms]

Our kids are struggling. They are young and growing in a fast paced world where they are expected to be someone they are not. They are not bad kids, they are wired differently and frankly they are hurting. They can’t control their impulses, “yet”. When my son has outbursts, I tell him I understand your angry right now and I’m going to give you some space. Then I offer him a hug and we start over. With my son disciplining him for something he doesn’t even remember doing is pointless. He will only remember the punishment. During these moments it’s crucial I find compassion for what he is going through. Even more importantly for myself, I need the space to step back and recollect, so I don’t react.

This is not an easy journey although it is the one I asked for. I encourage you to be as proactive as possible, recreate the scenarios he struggles with often and act them out, like cognitive behavioural therapy. We “play act” situations to help him connect and understand relating.

I have come to realize that there are no quick fixes, however a lot of hugs and reassurance goes along way. ❤️

[Nla1 in reply to 555jms]

You are lovely! I do the same thing you do and it works wonders. The first thing they need to feel is understood and that they are not bad or wrong. My six-year-old literally cannot control his impulses and his anger has subsided extraordinarily due to me being sympathetic and understanding him when he is upset. I give him space and we can always talk bout things and cuddle. NOW He actually tells me that he is upset and doesn’t want to talk, or that he is upset and he needs a minute. Our children are so intelligent it’s incredible. We just have to continue to give them to us and to build their self-confidence.

I appreciate your post.

Also my son is not on medication – I have done a wonderful job I have to say I have a meeting his needs and also helping him with major tools and resources to manage himself. Diet modification, organize sports, concentrated activities where he hast to focus, lots of reading and cuddling and laughing and laughing. He is flowering and I have to believe it is because I believe in him first.

[555jms in reply to Nla1]

Yes! You are doing a great job mama.

When all else fails... always go for love ❤️

[Concerned-parent in reply to 555jms]

Thanks He get so much love, hugs and understanding from me. Most people look at him at being very spoiled and they just don't understand his condition and treat him as being a bad child and blames me for putting everything he does on Adhd.

[Mudpies]

My son used to have angry outbursts so bad that I was afraid of him. Once we changed meds and he was completely off stimulants he changed. I got my little boy back. My son was on stimulants (that greatly helped at school) for nearly a year. His anger and outbursts grew and grew. It didn’t take much to set him off and he would explode. The first 2-3 days of getting him off of the stimulants was hell but he’s been of them for a few months now and I love spending time with him again. You’re not alone. Talk to your sons psychiatrist and make sure they know. Big hugs!!

[WendyKirkpatrick]

Yes. When my son was about 6, he tried to physically attack his father and sorry to say, he got a whack on the behind for it. It never happened again. We were out of the home and there was no opportunity for a time out. If it happens again, there are plenty of professional resources you can look into for therapy and guidance. Many years ago, we forgot to take into consideration how our son felt that would lead up to some of his behaviors. As the mother of an ADHD son who is now 31 and someone with a B.A. in Psychology, I wrote, illustrated and self-published a book on amazon.com called "I have A.D.D. and I'm Proud To Be Me." The one thing we did not do enough was talk to our son and find out how HE feels and what HE is going through. That may be part of the reason for a child acting out. If you would like to buy this book (low price), you can read it together as a family and have many discussions. When your son knows you are on HIS side and he can talk to you about anything, that could be a big help in reducing tendencies to act out. Many of these kids feel that something is wrong with them. Other children don't always want to play with them. Teachers are critical of them. They get in trouble at home. In essence, they begin to hate themselves and their lives. And as parents, we wonder why they are hostile? By all means, look into resources and Special Education opportunities at your school; but beware, the school staff will try and just get you to medicate your child and not utilize your tax-payer's rights. You can write the the School District, Office of Special Ed and request an evaluation. If you do get my book, I sincerely hope it helps. Best wishes to your family. Wendy Kirkpatrick