14 year old with adhd starting school next week

[pdmckymse]

hi everyone i have a 14 year old boy with adhd and odd i have differing opinions with my husband and need some advice. i was gone for a week and my husband stopped giving him his meds. which he has never liked giving him from the get go. he had a great week no outbursts and only a few small issues. i come back and its like he is a different kid. swearing, being rude and dissrespectful. just to me. i give him his meds and its not doing anything for him. should i try and stop and see if the meds are not doing anything or ride it out? he is in counseling and behaviorial therapy. thanks

[MarySI]

Hi

I think you should see how he fares without meds and see if they actually have an impact. Dealing with a teenager can be hard and coupled with adhd can make it worse but I know that your son has a heart but sometimes can do things without thinking.

I know it can be difficult and things will get better.❤

If you have any questions then feel free to ask.

[pdmckymse in reply to MarySI]

Thank you that was kinda what I was thinking. But it's nice to hear it from someone else.

[FreyaL]

Kids with or without ADHD are usually better behaved when their mothers are absent. That is my personal experience (with three boys, two of them with ADHD), and the experience most of my friends have as well. It is especially noticeable when kids have ADHD, because the behavior difference is so different. However, it leads some fathers to believe that they are better at handling their kids than the moms are, and that their decisions about discipline, rules, and medications are better. I more often hear of fathers who are opposed to meds, not so much the moms, who see the challenges of ADHD and ODD up close, all the time. So I think your son may manage being off his meds when he is alone with his dad, behavior-wise. Good behavior certainly frees up a lot of energy for parents, making it less daunting to deal with other ADHD-related struggles. However, your son's week with his dad,

is not his everyday life situation. My whole point is that it's not a situation that "proves" he can go to school and function just as well in his everyday life, with all the stress and demands that it entails, without his medication. He might have been just as badly behaved towards you on medication as without it, but ADHD meds aren't designed to tackle that sort of behavior per se, they help with concentration, calming down the mind, etc. (and sometimes, easing those problems can lead to less aggression, but that's more of a side effect). My point is that it takes a lot more to determine the effects of his medication over all. I don't know how you and your husband's disagreements effect his behavior, hopefully you are better at hiding them than me and my husband ☹️ Anyway, I wish you all the best!

[pdmckymse in reply to FreyaL]

Thank you we are working on trying to hide our disagreements it's definitely hard. And yes I agree he is better with his father then me. Thank you again. You all are giving great advice and I can see I am not alone!

[Leaddership in reply to pdmckymse]

It is important to understand from who he inherit the ADHD traits. The solution in handling of the problem lies more in trying to understand the child as much as the parent with adhd before any judgments are made.

Empathy and compassion is needed but never at the expense of lack of consequences for bad behaviour.

As a teacher who deals with discipline, my own ego must never overshadowed the problem. if it does the problem escalates and everybody loses.

[pwb78 in reply to FreyaL]

There's also the piece of taking a kid off a medication then putting him back on it then taking him off again. I know with my son's medication, if I take him off of it, he goes through a period of adjustment. If I put him back on it, he goes through a period of adjustment. In order for the medication to work and to prevent any adverse effects, he needs to take it consistently every day. This is with medications that are non-stimulants. I've heard that kids can fairly easily stop taking stimulants like Ritalin whenever they need to. However, with medications like Straterra, this is heavily advised against.

[kuntz2boys in reply to FreyaL]

I have actually been having a really hard time with my 14 year old son too. He has ADHD and ODD. His father and I are divorced and we share 50/50 custody. He is definitely a lot more defiant and angry with me. I finally told his dad to just take him for the next month and see if anything changes. The problem is his dad is a lot more lenient and his home is chaotic and has no structure. When my son comes to my house there are more strict rules and more structure, and he hates it. I feel like I am working extra hard to make a more supportive home for him but it seems to be backfiring in my face. I feel terrible because I actually enjoy not having him at my house. It is so calm and there is no chaos or tension in the air. His brother still comes over on my days and it is so pleasant. I feel like a terrible mom. I didn't know what it was like to have a "calm" and "normal" house. I just couldn't do it anymore though. I was about to lose it. His father is ADHD too, so he is definitely ok with giving our son meds, but sometimes I don't think my son's meds are working. So I don't even know what to do next. It's nice to know I am not alone. Sometimes I wonder if the meds are pointless, or maybe they are just not the right ones? I don't know......

[rrichardson]

I just took my daughter to get genetic testing which helps determine how her body metabolizes the medicine. If he isn't on the right medicine combination it won't do anything for him. I honestly don't think he shouldn't be on anything, but that is your choice. Does your husband not believe your son has adhd and odd? It's important that everyone is on the same page.

[pdmckymse in reply to rrichardson]

Thank you that is a good suggestion about the genetic testing. And yes he is he just dosent believ the meds do anything. He feels he is walking around a zombie and they are not working. I totally agree on being on the same page.

[rrichardson in reply to pdmckymse]

Maybe his dosage needs to be adjusted. Adhd is hard and there is no quick fix unfortunately, but there is always hope. Work with the doctor prescribing and be patient along the process. Trust me it can be hard.

[rrichardson in reply to pdmckymse]

The genetic testing with help the doctors figure out if the right medicine is being used.

[faithnbunny in reply to rrichardson]

I am new to this site and have never heard of genetic testing for ADHD meds. This is very helpful, new information to me. I can say that my son is not at all a zombie on his meds - he says he feels no different on them, but those around him (myself and his teachers) all see a significant difference: reduced outbursts and less "zoning out" in class. But I'd be very interested in what such testing would reveal.

[firewife23]

I really would see how he dose without his medicine for a while. My kids are better behaved for my husband and my in laws then they are for me. It is probably a faze that he is going threw. My brother was like that for my mom when he was your sons age

[nawilliamsjr23]

I went thru the meds situation of not giving them to my Son!! It doesn't work?? Keep up the meds and talk to his pediatrician for reevaluating the meds! Keep up on the help with behavior!! Time will tell as he gets older!

[Leaddership]

The whole purpose of giving medication is to help the child form new neuron-pathways in the brain. The lifespan of the medication is such that once you stop it will dissipate from your system and all the symptoms will reappear. With time by creating new thought patterns your personality and character could benefit from the effect of the medicine as it it is just so much easier doing the right thing.

This will improve the self esteem of your child. The opposite can have disastrous effects in the long run.

Reading Healing ADD by Dr Amen could give you new insight in the different types of ADHD and how it can be manage in Adults as well as children.

[mario2]

hi iam new to this my son got adhd odd and very hard work at home and school what is the best medication for this problem going to see doctor Monday she wants to put him on medication thankyou

[pdmckymse in reply to mario2]

Hi it’s really hard to say we have been at this for 9 years and have changed meds 3 times. I feel we have not yet found the best one for him. He is currently on focalin xr and that ones seems to be the best so far. But again it’s a combination as he is on 5 different ones. Good luck and keep at it until you are comfortable with what is going on. Give it Time to work as well.

[Pajamasam36]

There is no harm in stopping Meds as long as you speak yo his doctor and wean him off of them . You can always start tj again one at a time and see if you or your son notices a difference.

If you do not have the support of your husband your son will play you two against each other.

I would drgonitely work on getting you and your husband in the same sheet of music for your sons sake! good luck!