Mom of 14 year old ball of energy

[Mimi2004]

I'm a mom of a 14 year old that I believe has add. I also have a 20 year old and an 8 year old. All boys. I'm also a counselor, but often feel alone in parenting as the community doesn't understand (often) his behaviors and my parenting style choices, and I have to have boundaries with clients. So although i offer support to families at work, when I'm at home i usually feel like I'm on an island. So i thought I'd try an online support program. I love my sons, all of them, to death. But parenting my 14 year old has honestly been so hard. Hard to ... well so many things about it. My husband is angry about behaviors but won't seek any education about ADHD. And my sons father doesn't engage or support me. I'm so pooped!! I'd like to hear from other parents strategies they might find helpful to keep from feeling like you are a bad parent, and how to keep the peace at home without having to be responsible for everyone else emotions.

[EJsMom]

Hello Mimi!

You have the triple threat, 3 boys!

So do I! Mine are 27, 24, & 14.

(Oldest 2 don’t live at home)

My 14 year old is the reason I joined this group. The group has really made me feel connected to people who understand what I go through. Parenting my son with adhd has been extremely challenging. I feel like he’s triplets. Hardest thing I’ve done to date!

I also have another thing in common with you. My son’s father doesn’t believe in adhd. He doesn’t even try to understand. Slowly their relationship has deteriorated. They only see each maybe once a month, and we live 2 blocks apart.

Many parents have mentioned the reward system working well for their kids. Also, routine and consistent schedules, helping the kids know what is coming, really makes a difference.

My strategy these days is to help my son learn how to make good choices. We discuss everything and I try to help him see the right path. Yes, he argues with me all the time, makes a fuss, but ultimately he does seem to be learning. He still makes bad choices and then has to deal with the consequences.

I’ve said this to a few other folks, I feel like his life-coach. I love and support him above all else. He has so much negativity from teachers and a lot of other adults, that I really try to build him up most of the time.

I’m sorry you feel alone! I know that feeling! Please don’t feel like you’re a bad parent, you are doing all you can for your son! I can see from your post how much you care about everyone!

Hugs to you!!!

[Applecrisp]

Hi Mimi,

I just recommend you keep gently engaging with your husband on what you are seeing in your son, the patterns, and the data that comes out in studies and the news. My husband started 2 years ago unconvinced that his kid could have ADHD, not really a big fan of the diagnosis in general, and massively opposed to meds. He agreed to behavioral counseling for another condition, and slowly our son’s counselor’s reports, reports from school, and other evidence kept piling up. I would bring up things I noticed that fit ADHD diagnosis, or studies discussing safety and advantages of medication, and then just let it go. He began to notice those things slowly too, and see how little guy was trying and failing to change his behavior. He recently ageeed to have him formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist. He is ready for meds if the psychiatrist recommends it. The psychologist he has been seeing says this is a pretty cut and dried case. I’m very interested in the medical nutritional supplements (prescription type) that are out as a possible start. I know there is a lot of bias and lack of education out there but there is hope!