Desperate in Galveston. ADHD 5 year old behavioral problems.

[MAMABEAR1988]

I have a 6 yr old who was born deaf. At 2 he had never spoken and had 3 surgeries including implants. He hears fine now. Right after I put him in ECI til he was 3 were he learned sign language and how to start verbally communicating. At 3 he was assessed for speech delay and was put into the PPCD half day classes at our elementary school. He has come a far far way and is better at talking now at 6 (in July) He just graduated kinder and will be going Into 1st. He was diagnosed with ADHD this year. I am the kind of parent that is refusing meds as these type of meds suppress parts of the brain. AND as he already had hearing problems and a major delay in all areas I am not willing to risk it while is brain is still developing and learning critical life components. I am not opposed to meds when he is older. In school he is academically above average in all areas. He is exceptional in math and reading . The problem is ALL behavioral. He is VERY unfocused, refuses to work, rolls on the floor ect. Recently he started to hit others, throw things and attitude has gotten horrible. He is still delayed when it comes to understanding things. For example: " WHY did you hit a kid at school today?, " how did it MAKE YOU FEEL before and after"ect. He does not understand i guess cause and affect. But yet He uses unbelievably sophisticated words that others his age are like huh? Words such as dodecahedron (shape of a soccer ball), corruption, consequences, diversionary, conclusion, isotopes etc. And he knows what the meaning actually is and uses them correctly. So he is the youngest of 3 kids 18, 13, and 6. Two are my step kids who have lived with us for 10 years. They both just moved in with their mother almost 2 years ago and so he his basically raised as an only child. He is very spoiled and that is part of the problem. I know I have said soooo much and if you are still with me... My question is .. How do I discipline him and get him to act better? We have done spankings, award systems, praising only good behaviors and ignoring bad behaviors. I am at a loss for what to do. I want my happy son back. Now we are both just miserable..... it makes me so sad, but his behavior has gotten out of control. He throws huge fits, screams "No and get away". He crys so hard he whelps up. He does a heart breaking sign when he's upset of his heart breaking . He gets so angry at times he crys and breaks things. He has even hurt and thrown our animals. Which of course he gets in more serious trouble for. But NOTHING seems to work... He sleeps 8am-8pm every night. Eats well. What am i doing WRONG?? The past few days i have been so angry with his attitude and not listening that i have been shouting and aggressively arguing with a 5 year old.... I do not know what to do.... It is getting so very bad.... What else can I try? I love all my kids more then anything. I just want to have fun and happiness with him again. I am tired of discipline and spankings. At this point we can't take him anywhere because it's miserable for everyone and no one has fun. Even zoo, aquariums, parks, ect. He will find something to get upset about then throws a fit and screams. It's terrible. He has been tested and is NOT autistic and has nothing other then delay in understanding and ADHD. I have always been a loving and happy mom, and this is just killing me. We have always done home activities, played together.... now... sigh. If ANYONE has delt with this or has ANY suggestions PLEASE PLEASE let me know. I could use some support. I am drowning in depression here. I want to go back to loving sweet mom. I don't want to be the lady screaming in Wal-Mart at her kid... PLEASE help me. I am contemplating taking him to a psychologist but I terrified at what could happen if I go that route.... PLEASE SOMEONE... Help me.

[tszklare]

First. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and how your son is feeling. We had similar issues when my son was that age. I would definitely suggest seeing a psychologist. It sounds like you haven’t yet? How did you get the adhd diagnosis in the first place? They can do a deeper assessment than say a pediatrician. I know you’re against meds but they really do help. Perhaps having the discussion of starting with a non-stimulant vs a stimulant. I’m not going to sit here and preach “positive reinforcement”...I’m sure you know all that, but definitely talk to a professional who can help give you some direction. Best of luck.

[Trpwife07]

I'd suggest watching Russell Barkleys videos on ADHD, particularly 30 essential ideas about ADHD. It's very long ( you can watch it on you tube in shorter videos). It was very eye opening to me, esp regarding medications. Ive actually watched it twice because I realized I should have been taking notes because there is just so much info he discusses. Hope this helps some

[ElinaK35]

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time... I know how extremely draining and difficult it is. I completely agree with "Trpwife07", please watch Russell Barkley's seminar on YouTube, it was one of the best thing I've done for my kids (I have 4 and two have different types of ADHD (one with ODD) and my youngest has a mild form of Autism). You should absolutely see a therapist/psychiatrist with him... he might benefit from regular sessions. Is there anything that calms him down? Our son loves baths and I read that ADHD kids lack magnesium so we use bath bombs and Epsom salts for his baths... the baths seem to calm him. How do you feel about CBD oil? You can do your own research and read testimonials... my research showed that parents are having overwhelming success with their kids and CBD oil (no THC, all natural... it is pricey if you buy the right kind). Your child might be experiencing a lot of anxiety that he cannot put into words and he seems to also have impulse control issues from what you described of his behavior. CBD oil is a natural way to reduce anxiety and promote calmness. You can also research vitamins and supplements as well. Children with ADHD can be incredibly smart kids, but the problem is the disconnect they have in their brain between the part that stores knowledge and the part that controls executive function. Please watch the video. All the best to you and message if I can help with anything else.

[EJsMom]

You are not doing anything wrong. You’re trying everything you can. I tri d everything as well.

I think a psychologist could help. And they won’t force you to use medicine.

My son did these exact same things. When he was 6-9, he would get so angry. For example; Once he took a knife and slashed all the posters on the wall in his bedroom. He had All kinds of extreme reactions. But in the grand scheme of adhd and odd, which is what he has, not so unusual.

Keep loving him. Keep correcting him. Keep trying what you can. Seek help.

Mine is almost 14 now. He is still a big challenge but the anger has dissipated. As he was older and could actually put words to his feelings, it got better. A 6 year old does not seem to understand why they get angry or they can’t explain it. They just know they’re ticked off. Good luck and God Bless the mommies with these kiddos.