I am so frustrated with my 14 year old! He constantly has missing homework and he is becoming defiant towards the teachers. He does not take responsibility for anything that has to do with education. It's always someone else's fault or he makes excuses as to why his homework wasn't turned in. I am at my wits end! I just don't know what to do anymore. Would a 504 help? I just cannot get him to understand the importance of school and developing good habits. The lying and manipulation is ridiculous too. I feel like I am burning more energy than I can handle. I feel like no one understands, and I don't know where to go for more help. He sees a therapist, but I don't feel like she puts any of the responsibility on him. Do I just give it to him and let him learn the hard way or do I intervene and try to control the situation? The more I try to control it, the worse it gets and the more angry and aggressive he gets. Please help!
Middle School Troubles: I am so... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Middle School Troubles
What you are going through is so common, especially the part about how the more you try to help, the worse things seem to get!
Not sure if you saw this but I wrote an article about this very problem, including some strategies to try. (Make sure you get the free download at the end too.) parentcoachjoyce.com/teen-s...
Hope it helps!
Joyce Mabe
Thank you so much! I read your article and downloaded the tip sheet. I have not looked at the tip sheet yet, but I definitely will tomorrow. I have hit a wall, and reading your article makes a lot of sense. After I read it I felt a glimmer of hope, like there just may be a light at the end of the tunnel. When his therapist told me to just stop harping on him about his homework I just couldn't believe she would even suggest something so ridiculous. I guess that's why she's the professional. LOL I keep trying to force him to see things that are important....to me. You are right, it comes from within. People can't force ME to see things, so how can I think it would work for him? The belief needs to come from within me. Thank you for giving me some hope.
Hello Kuntz2, grab some tea I have a lot to say lol! Keep Calm ....you are not alone, in fact just think about when you where a kid growing up and how boring homework could be sometimes lol. Take a deep breath and relax your mind, our children can be very frustrating sometimes because they don't live up to our expectations, but think about our own parents and how we may have failed some of their expectations as well. I have two boys as well and they both have their own character and personality and while some things are very normal in the teen years even not telling the truth, it is frustrating when they don't accept responsibility and complete the task at hand. Side note, I never did my homework either in grade school and I am graduating college with a 3.7 GPA.
The first thing to do is don't let the teachers drive you up a wall, they have a job to do and they are going to say and do whatever it takes to complete that job. When kids fail, teachers are heavily blamed and if the child fails the test at years end that is a ding to teachers appraisal. By all means, find a way to connect with the teachers and figure out how to create all opportunities for your son to succeed individually! Make sure your son is involved in any changes and comes up with some of his own ideas as well. I have the home numbers and e-mail of both my son's homeroom teachers and we talk often about progress and failures and together how we can fix them.
Second, not all children have ADHD believe it or not so understanding why you are asking for your child to be assessed through a 504 for a learning disability is important. Yes, a 504 plan includes emotional disorders but mostly learning disabilities. I suggest you read up on what the plane is and how you think it could help your child in the long run. But first, you do need to write a letter to the school asking for an assessment and what your child is failing at or falling behind in to warrant the assessment. What you are looking for initially are learning disabilities that may have fallen under you and the teacher's radar for years. Dyslexia or Dyscalculia and other disabilities can go unnoticed for many years. When the grade level rises there is more work and difficulty so you want to make sure our child is not frustrated because of the task presented is not as easy as it seems. Remember that ADHD has to be a problem in the entire child's life not just at school or if he only gets crabby when he has to do homework. You as a parent should do your own research and observation, does he complete the task at home when asked (chores, errands etc.) when did his grades began to fall or when did he start giving you trouble with homework etc? Has he always been defiant or did this start in the teen years? You are the best judgment of your child's behaviors and don't forget that, plus you offer a great portion of information to the doctors helping your son.
Finally, dont be afraid to ask questions, to the school psychologist, teachers, and your son's psychologist as well. As far as your son going to a psychologist, remember it takes time and patience for good advice to sink into a teenager, it took me to my 20's to really understand what my parents were trying to teach me! Those sessions aren't meant for quick fixes but in the long run, they give children added tools to use in life's journey, its the gym for the brain. Also, make sure you and the therapist are on the same page, I'm a super skeptical person so I'm always asking 10000 questions to my son's psychologist. She is more than happy to engage in conversation and help me navigate and understand my son better. Depending on how long you have been with her, ask her if she believes there are any deficits and what test she can provide in the office that would help find those deficits if any.
In the end, I always think of my upbringing, what I did as a child and the huge gap from no computer to information highway our kids live in today. We burned our energy at the park, on our bikes, the rec-center, and pool and be home before the street light comes on. Playgrounds have become somewhat obsolete in some areas, and our children have technology to create very different learning experiences we had.
Again Keep Calm....they are teens lol!
I am in the same boat with my daughter she is 8 the exact same way as your son a 504 plan might help and kind of come protect your child from getting expelled should the so should his situation get worse I think that's a great idea my daughter has one I didn't like her therapist at school I am currently looking for another one I didn't think she was Proactive or present when these things were going on because as a parent I can only do so much and I have also had moments where I just show up at school to see how her day is going and that has worked sometimes but as of recently is not my daughter has ADHD and is on Vyvanse is struggling bad. I pray your situation gets better I hope this was helpful
I think a 504 plan maybe helpful may not be most likely at 14 he could be included in the meeting for it. It will let the school know and his teachers know he has adhd and you can request accommodations if you know something would be helpful or his therapist may have ideas or even him or even one of his teachers may have ideas that work. If he has learning issue you can request for him to have a iep plan instead. The school can not denie you atleast a 504 plan if he has been diagnsed with adhd.
Your son have IEP??
Acting out at school
Ideas for upcoming IEP meeting (specifically refusing to do non preferred homework at school)
Son lacks motivation for school
My son is losing hope in school
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