18 year old with Add.

[Leeanne70]

Looking for advice on handling college age student with add. Any advice would be helpful. Starting to notice my daughter is struggling badly with handling classes and more responsibilities. Loses keys, wallet, phone, books on a daily basis. Room is a disaster. Hardly ever remembers to take meds if I don't remind her. Feeling hopeless and stressed to the limit.

[anirush]

My daughter is in her thirties and just now finishing her college degree. Out of high school she would enroll in classes then drop out. She would go on her meds and then stop taking them.

It was a really rough time and they are adults so it's hard to manage much. I know it's not much help but she didn't level out till her late twenties.

[seller]

First of all, she should be on an ADHD medication. Second, she needs to talk with the resource center at her college about additional help. It may be helpful for her to take fewer classes. The medication will help her stay organized.

[Hidden]

I know that you are stressed and you want to help her but the reality is that these are not problems for you to solve. Until/unless these issues become at least as much of a problem for your daughter as they are for you, nothing is going to change and there is nothing you can do except step back (and offer input/suggestions IF she asks). As hard as it is to accept, this is the way things are going to be unless/until she decides to change them. For this to happen, she has to get to the point where she does not like the results she is getting. It is only at that point where she will be motivated enough to change what she's doing so she can get different results, i.e., figure out ways to get help from the professionals at the school, find ways that work for her to allow her to keep track of belongings, to remember to take her meds, etc.

This may take awhile (or it might never happen). It's really out of your control. In the meantime, it might help for you to get some help and support for you so that you can grieve/mourn your hopes/dreams/expectations for her and learn how to accept and deal with the reality of the way things are right now. You can also focus on keeping your relationship with her strong (for example, have quality time together without discussing these kinds of things) so that she is more likely to want to be around you and willing to come to you down the road if she wants your help and input.

Hang in there!

Joyce Mabe, parenting coach, website: parentcoachjoyce.com

[Leeanne70 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. This is the advice I needed. I do need to step back and let her figure things out. Just a few days ago she went to the tutoring center at her school and got some help I never brought that up. She also got a larger purse so she could keep track of her things better. After her exams I am hoping to spend some time with her baking and wrapping. It's been very rough. I must admit I wish things were smoother. I must trudge on with this journey and hope for the best. Thanks again.