Need help with social skills support

[TessaBoo]

My 15 year old son is really struggling with his peers. He has no friends and doesn’t even seem to care or try to make them. Have any of you gotten your child help in this area? And, if so, did it actually help? Thanks!

[Gemini1974]

Hi Tessaboo, My son is 13 and is the same way. We homeschool so that makes it even more difficult to socialize but he's slowly starting to come out of his shell. He's always been social online with gaming and such but socially awkward when he's around other kids his age. He finally told us he has anxiety so I'm going to take him in to get some medication to see if that helps. I have also thought about getting him into a teen group that focuses on teaching social ques. You might look into something like that too. I'm mostly praying he will grow out of it though...he just says other kids are not nice so there is no point in making friends with people like that.

[TessaBoo in reply to Gemini1974]

Gemini- Thanks for the response! My son is also active online with gaming and does much better with that than a face to face interaction. However, at 15 1/2 I was hoping he would have matured more. I looked for a group like what you are describing in my area and I found one but they said it was more for kids with autism who had profound challenges. I can’t seem to find the right group.... yet! I’ll keep up the search. We really need more help,for kids like this.

[Hidden]

Sometimes what is a "problem" to us parents is not necessarily a "problem" to our teens, and until it is, there really won't be any motivation for him to change (think how you feel if someone tries to get you to change something that you don't see as a problem; not gonna happen, right?) I know you're concerned but I have found that in many, many cases, these kids are just 'late bloomers' when it comes to social stuff and it really needs to happen organically, and on its own timetable. (Like him meeting kids in a class or when being involved in an mutual interest, or sometimes not until they're in college or in the workplace.) Making friends and being social are really not things that can be forced or pushed.

If he eventually comes to you asking for help about making new friends, that's one thing (and that's when it would be good to suggest he just join things that he's interested in--that's the best way to meet friends). But if he seems fine with things the way they are, then the best thing you can do is just accept that that's the way things are right now and focus instead on keeping your relationship with him strong by finding ways to have fun with him yourself!

Hope this helps!

Joyce Mabe, parenting coach, website: parentcoachjoyce.com

[TessaBoo]

Wow, Joyce, thank you! That makes perfect sense. I’ve felt this tremendous burden to help him but you’re right that this is an area that bothers me so much more than him. It is very comforting to hear you say there is still time for him to develop these skills. Have a great weekend.