Mother needing advise!!!

Hello everyone, I am new here and new to ADHD. I have a 6 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter just diagnosed with ADHD in August. I am trying to adjust their food intake which is extremely hard since they are picky eaters to begin with. I have tried behavior therapy before they were diagnosed but didn't seem to do much. Would work until they didn't get what they wanted. I try my hardest to adhere to them and help them just seems nothing works. I have them on medications now but I would still like to help them and teach them how to try and control their issues if they can because of the loss in appetite I do not have them taking it when they are not in school. I am just struggling right now on how to help them effectively and my husband is from the military which he is strict and that's that. So he isn't much help in this department so it is just me doing this. Any advise would be appreciated. They have temper tantrums like a 3 year old, consequences don't so anything, they could care less no matter what it is. They are very defiant, I refuse to take them to the store with me due to this. I try to help tgem with tasks and they don't want my help. My daughter states she can't do it and most of the time breaks into tears instantly and then won't even try and sobs for an hour or more. I need help. We are going thru therapy but they sent me here to maybe get some advise. I am willing to try anything. This is all new to me. I understand it just don't know how to help them.

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  • Okay, so acting like a 3 year old is actually to be expected for a 6 year old with ADHD. The part of their mind that regulates emotions and self control is 2 or 3 years less mature than a typical child that age. So a 7 year old may act like a 4 or 5 year old. But there is hope, they can learn to behave better. They need motivation, consequences and consistency. Pick a plan with your therapists help and stick to it for at least 2 weeks before you change to something else. If you're just starting therapy and a new behavior plans than you can expect more temper tantrums at the start. Why? Kids will try to resist change and attempts to control their behavior. But don't give up, it can get better. Let your kids know that you love them too much to let them keep acting like this. Praise the good behaviors that you do see and assure them that you know they are kind, sweet and loving kids. Also, I would get Dad on board with the plan, his military mindset will be perfect once you've all agreed to a plan of action. Stay strong Mother, this can get better. Good luck, Klong!

  • One thing you must not is to show your kids your frustration don't make them see you sweat it will just make things worse try your best to keep them in a happy environment age-appropriate video games works for me there is also a new website my doctor gave to me to check out with a lot of educational stuff that will keep them focus you just have to map your day out and keep things as structured as possible for my nine-year-old son he always like to know what comes next and sometimes you may need to have them like little soldiers try making charts in your house which will tell them what the regular day would be like week up brush teeth have breakfast get dressed etc. I think once a child with ADHD knows what's coming next and they sometimes will prepare themselves I just found out my son nine years old has ADHD but I used to be A formal therapeutical foster parent before my kids were born and even when I had them so my house has always been very structured so I will honestly say that I think is one of the things that helps the child with ADHD because if it did not show up in my sons school work you will not be able to tell one of the things in my past foster kids you must keep your home at a very comfortable temperature especially in the warm weather because once the child is hot they literally have meltdowns and go crazy on you and you would not even understand what's going on so keep them nice and cool and try your best to do some posters with them you could even include Time of the day because they're beautiful brain need to know what comes next

  • Not giving medication on non-school days may be a contributing factor. Many children eat better after they have been on daily medication for a while (may be a few months) so stopping and restarting may "reset" the system and never result in good medication tolerance. Not being on medication may make it more difficult for them to develop the desired good habits.

  • I feel for you, Klong. My son is very similar to your kids--but I only have one!

    With respect to behavior management, I went through 15 parenting books until I found what works. If you want to try what we are doing:

    Make your behavior expectations very clear, perhaps in a written list (get up on time, brush your teeth, get dressed, make your lunch, do homework when you get home, etc.). Make this very doable at first. You can add steps later. Give them the basics of food, housing, love and a warm bed. Beyond that, they don't get anything unless their tasks are completed and they are being cooperative with you. I tell my son, "you are not cooperating with me, so I'm not cooperating with you." This is a phrase that I bring out as soon as non-cooperation starts and my son asks for something. As soon as he cooperates, he gets all privileges. Because he wants what he wants, this is motivating for my son. He cannot hold out more than a few hours at most. Generally speaking, we ignore bad behavior so as not to reward it with attention and because my son misinterprets punishments and they don't seem to work. If we do punish, we make sure it's immediate, we'll-understood and not too harsh.

    You are on the right track with diet. All my son's bad behavior comes out when he's eaten one of the following: gluten, dairy, dyes, artificial flavors, natural flavors (they are the same!!), artificial sweeteners, brewer's yeast, buckwheat, sorghum, saffron.

    My son's diet is pretty restricted as a result.

    To modify diet, start by replacing favorites with good gluten free versions. Pasta? Ancient Harvest Quinoa/corn pasta is better than wheat! Bread? There is a really good gluten/dairy free brand at Safeway, if you have one near you. Sorry I don't know the name! Soy sauce? Organic Tamari is excellent. Those 3 will take you a long way. Even if their diet isn't great, removing all offenders will help a ton. Dyes are devastating for kids like ours.

    My son began having bouts of bad behavior and severe depression/suicidal impulses on days he'd eat dyes &a other offenders starting in 2nd grade. Four years later he was diagnosed at Mensah Medical with Pyroluria, a condition that causes low zinc and B6, and as a consequence, depression and anxiety. Dyes and other offending foods further lower his zinc! That is why his behavior got so bad. The solution is prescription vitamins! My son's case was somewhat extreme which was a gift in a way because it forced me to find a solution. If you do not address these underlying problems, your kids will continue to struggle.

    The incidence of Pyroluria in the general population is 40%, so it's not uncommon. It's much higher in kids with autism and ADHD.

    Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of the problem and the PR arm of pharma makes sure it stays that way. Mensah medical is the only group in the country that is very experienced with this kind of diagnosis &treatment. I know I sound like an ad for them, but I do not get any compensation from them, I am just struck by the dramatic change for the better in my son. They saved his life. So I feel a moral obligation to let people know about the method.

    If you want to read more about it, get the book Nutrient Power. It's great.

  • One of the best things I have learned was that ADHD kids behavior will present at 2 to 3 years younger than their age. So when they have tantrums like a 3 year old, it helped me (sometimes) have more compassion and understanding. We also do tons of physical activity which helps a lot.

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