Depression is awful

I just got a hold of my anxiety. Now I feel like I went from one trouble to the next. I am on a gap year and everything sucks. My dad recently had an endoscopy because there was a stitch in his lower esophagus but he keeps choking on his food. I wanted to be a doctor like crazyy but the merits were too high this year. And my mom is legit depressed and heartbroken over me. And she keeps saying she'll die. And its scaring me. I feel like my heart contracts whenever I see one of my friends get in. I keep breathing around this pain. It's terrible. My heart feels all cold and weird. I keep crying in random outbursts and keep thinking I'll die. That there is nothing for me. I can't handle a day of the same books again. It's so hard studying it again and again and still not being accepted anywhere. My mind can't relax and keeps focusing on this. I'm trying to calm it down but my heart keeps palpitating and I feel terrible. I also see white spots in my visions sometimes. I can't eat or sleep or talk or do much of anything. I tried to talk to my friends they said I complain a lot about life and I shouldn't and I am a ungrateful brat and they are horrible in return. I feel I am alone and have no one. its so hard to get up in the morning and to sleep at night. A whole year of waiting and tests and this is driving me crazy. Can anyone help? I don't want to take meds they make me feel weird.

6 Replies

  • Have you had a chat with your gp ...palpitations should be mentioned to them and the white spots in your vision.

    You should go and get a check up as sometimes it can be something physical that's causing symptoms and then you can have a chat about other things that's worrying you

  • I did. They always say it's anxiety. They say heart palpitations aren't a troubling sign. And my gp says to go to a psychologist regarding mental issues but the psychologists here are weird. So I stay home. Plus I cannot afford therapy money.

  • Is there an organisation/charity offering people you can talk to about your worries and anxiety? Sounds like as an anxious person, regular hings get on top of you, so with all the added stress and worries you are experiencing your anxiety has rocketed to a point where you cannot function normally and in a way to help you through your problems. A complete break, if at all possible, from everything both physically and mentally for at least a week and as long as possible could help to calm your mind, so you can get things into some perspective and decide how best to deal with everything is.

    Both a break and talking to someone who understands/is empathetic is the best way to go. Please bear in mind that if you let things build and build you could be heading for a nervous break down so you must put a halt on as many stresses as possible.

  • Hi. I have no real advice to give you but I know what you are talking about - I recognise everything you describe and yes, depression is a dreadful condition - but to me, anxiety is even worse. All I can say is that all things pass and we need to be accepting of what is happening and just let ourselves be who we are. I found that when I stopped fighting with myself and beating myself up over things I became calmer and more peaceful. As a bonus, those around me relaxed a bit too. There is a book called 'The Power of Now' that helps me through my darkest times. Perhaps it will help you a little bit to know that you don't suffer alone. There are so many of us. Sending love and peaceful energy. Sometimes all we can do is breathe.

  • Sometimes you just have to accept that something you want is not to be. Do you have a second choice career wise? I'm sure your Mum is upset for you saying she will 'die' is not going to help you overcome your disappointment. Try to get out and do something to take your mind off it. I'm a big believer in fresh air and exercise. See your friends and have a break. You need to stop wallowing in all this misery and change your mindset from negative to positive. You sound a bright girl. You can do it.

  • Hello

    You are really going through a rough time as is your Mam as I suppose She feels as let down as you must feel. Talk to your GP, He would have gone through the same mincer as you are going through now so some encouragement may be forthcoming.

    Does the Uni have a councillor service, These days when examinations are so stiff especially the Sciences and medical they will know how to settle your outlook and that in its own right should give you support and understand the feelings you are going through.

    Your GP may give you a short term of medication to get you through the initial disappointment, although I feel personally talking it out is the best way, especially when you need to get the points to pass and move on for the next twelve months.

    With me as mentioned before they had me dosed up and that did not help me, in fact the medications just made matters worse. The same we used to bitch on if we failed or felt we were not performing well. Eventually we just had to get on with it and feel we are there to pass not be entertained at night outs etc

    Good Luck, You have that determination now to go for the prize at the end of the tunnel.


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