I just got a hold of my anxiety. Now I feel like I went from one trouble to the next. I am on a gap year and everything sucks. My dad recently had an endoscopy because there was a stitch in his lower esophagus but he keeps choking on his food. I wanted to be a doctor like crazyy but the merits were too high this year. And my mom is legit depressed and heartbroken over me. And she keeps saying she'll die. And its scaring me. I feel like my heart contracts whenever I see one of my friends get in. I keep breathing around this pain. It's terrible. My heart feels all cold and weird. I keep crying in random outbursts and keep thinking I'll die. That there is nothing for me. I can't handle a day of the same books again. It's so hard studying it again and again and still not being accepted anywhere. My mind can't relax and keeps focusing on this. I'm trying to calm it down but my heart keeps palpitating and I feel terrible. I also see white spots in my visions sometimes. I can't eat or sleep or talk or do much of anything. I tried to talk to my friends they said I complain a lot about life and I shouldn't and I am a ungrateful brat and they are horrible in return. I feel I am alone and have no one. its so hard to get up in the morning and to sleep at night. A whole year of waiting and tests and this is driving me crazy. Can anyone help? I don't want to take meds they make me feel weird.